Would you give someone answers when splitting up with them

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Splitting up is usually difficult but probably the greatest hope for moving on is getting answers. By answers, I simply mean the reasons why one person decided to end the relationship.

Would you give someone answers if you split up with them? Would you give them a detailed conversation (or letter, email, ect) detailing the reasons why you no longer wish to be with them? Please answer the poll and provide further explanations if desired.

Does, "You smoke" count?

How about, "I don't date junkies"?

Or, "Your husband is a cop"?

I've given white lies. I've used the old "I just want to be friends" when the real reason was more like, "You're whiny and clingy, sarcastic and piss taking, it's very unattractive and unflattering, rude and annoying and i'm not attracted to you"

The truth hurts although they would probably rather hear it. Sometimes people just don't want confrontation.

I've also been ditched and never given answers. Just got to move on.

And here I've thought for decades that it simply meant, "I've found a new boyfriend; and while I'll be civil and polite to you in public, I wish you would just DROP DEAD!"



... owie...

No. Its nothing to do with other men. It simply means they aren't feeling the attraction anymore. In my case though I started to gett annoyed at everything about the guy, mainly his piss taking attitude.

Every girl who broke up with me already had someone else lined up.

I only made the break when I felt my life or health could be in danger. The cougar with the cop-husband was the scariest. For months after I broke up with her, I would cringe and feel nauseous whenever I saw a police car or heard a siren.

No, I did not know she was married when we first met.

Sometimes a bad response is deserved. My last one just told me she wanted to search my computer ... I told her we're done.

... then there was the Catholic girl who spent practically every night with me (but never on the same day as Mass). She broke up with me because I kept proposing to her.

is that bad that she asked that? how long had you been dating, and did you have something to hide? i have mixed feelings about maintaining privacy in relationships. my instincts are generally proven correct...


anyways, about the original question.... i don't always know why i break up with someone. i don't think in words, and i have trouble understanding or describing my emotions. i will jut suddenly KNOW that this person is not the right one for me. perhaps a package of problems comes to a head and my conscious brain finally perceives that the relationship is not working for me. i'm not sure, really.

My wife has the passwords to my laptop (this one), and she can check it out anytime.

yeah, we have a page of passwords (to make it easy for the thieves lol), and some passwords that are verbally shared between the adults in the house.

i expect honesty and openness, but i also have learned to accept certain things a lot better. if i expect him to tell me, i have to be willing to swallow some hard truths, essentially.

to use a random non-computer example, he started smoking again and hid it from me. it partly upset me because i was a heavy smoker and i still miss it, but mostly it upset me because he hid it from me.

so upon finding out, we had a long talk and i came to accept that i do not get to have control over his habits, but he agreed that he can also show some trust and respect for me by being honest. there isn't much that i would go postal about... as long as i don't find out about it after the fact. honesty is important, and also the necessity of accepting that we are not perfect and have flaws etc.

^ Good deal all around. ^

I have the passwords to my wife's computers too, but her filing system is so chaotic - everything dumped into one folder - that looking for something she needs is often an hour-long process.

I'm a very private person - hiding has nothing to do with it and I never understood the logic behind similar assumptions. It wouldn't matter for how long I was dating someone, this would definitely be a red flag and quite possibly cause a break up.

It's different with my husband but that's because he never snooped and always respected my boundaries, how else can you build trust?

None of us is secretive about passwords and such but I feel no need to access his accounts - and why would I? I mean, if I want to know something wouldn't it be easier to ask him?

maybe each person has their own idea of what is acceptable to begin with, and finds a way to make that work in a relationship.

my husband lied quite a lot in the first 5 or ten years we were together - mostly out of habit. he had never been permitted to be honest in his childhood household as his parents could not handle the truth, so by default he approached my with some dishonesty. but when i uncovered these lies, he became more honest with me... and with himself. he began to realize that sharing things was not the end of the world.

so for us, being absolutely open about things is both symbolic and necessary in order to evolve to a healthier place in our relationship. we trust each otehr, but that trust was hard-won and uncomfortable.

i expect openness about things, and i would not be compatible wth someone who isn't as open. i think that most people hide quite a lot of things in general, but i can't really live with that in the context of my own relationships.

I find it messed up to leave someone for no reason.

@hyperlexian Oh, I understand now, it must have been very difficult.

Yes, I also expect openness but I was referring more to a boundaries issue - especially before making a commitment to someone and having build deeper trust I would see this kind of thing as being intrusive. It's more about allowing people to share things at their own pace and when they feel comfortable with it if that makes sense.