Have Asperger's. don't want to date others with it

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mkoberland
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02 Nov 2014, 3:05 pm

I am a very high-functioning Aspie, and very social, type A person. I have rarely met anyone with Asperger's, and most of them were higher on the autism spectrum. While I haven't had much luck with relationships in the past, I would prefer to meet someone special who is an NT, and whom I share mutual chemistry with.

Maybe partly I want to prove I can be happy with a 'normal' person. And maybe it's because I'm happiest when I'm a part of the group, and I want to be with someone who is a part of the group, too.

Thoughts on this? Thanks!



funeralxempire
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02 Nov 2014, 3:12 pm

It seems a little hypocritical to have an ASD and expect people to accept you for all your pros and cons, but to make it clear that you're unwilling to grant another person with an ASD the same treatment.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to date someone who is NT.
There's something wrong with not even considering someone who isn't NT.

All that said, I can understand at least part of the logic. I'm not outgoing or good at maintaining social circles, when I was dating someone who was NT it was a lot easier because I could rely on her social skills to help offset my own.


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02 Nov 2014, 3:15 pm

Someone who is part of what group? not all neurotypicals are part of the same group technically speaking. Also how do you know there are no people with aspergers who are in this group you speak of.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Nov 2014, 3:20 pm

As if AS numbers are so great.



AngelRho
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02 Nov 2014, 4:20 pm

mkoberland wrote:
I am a very high-functioning Aspie, and very social, type A person. I have rarely met anyone with Asperger's, and most of them were higher on the autism spectrum. While I haven't had much luck with relationships in the past, I would prefer to meet someone special who is an NT, and whom I share mutual chemistry with.

Maybe partly I want to prove I can be happy with a 'normal' person. And maybe it's because I'm happiest when I'm a part of the group, and I want to be with someone who is a part of the group, too.

Thoughts on this? Thanks!

Thoughts? I think you need to think about the kinds of people you're posting to on WP. :P You really think a lot of us are going to be cool with that?

Having said that, who you date and why is your business. Nobody has any real right to judge you for that. My opinion, if that counts for anything, is you might be unnecessarily narrowing your options.



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02 Nov 2014, 4:33 pm

mkoberland wrote:
I am a very high-functioning Aspie, and very social, type A person. I have rarely met anyone with Asperger's, and most of them were higher on the autism spectrum. While I haven't had much luck with relationships in the past, I would prefer to meet someone special who is an NT, and whom I share mutual chemistry with.

Maybe partly I want to prove I can be happy with a 'normal' person. And maybe it's because I'm happiest when I'm a part of the group, and I want to be with someone who is a part of the group, too.

Thoughts on this? Thanks!


There is no such thing as a "normal" person, everyone is different.

In regards to myself, I'd want to date someone else who is similar to me, whether if they have Asperger's or share my anxiety disorder, or something among those lines. At least we could relate on a personal level rather than special interests.



rdos
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02 Nov 2014, 5:04 pm

There is a lot of difference between not dating people with AS and only dating NTs. The difference lies in the rather large neurodiverse population that is still undiagnosed. It's not clear which group the TS means.



Jjancee
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02 Nov 2014, 5:12 pm

mkoberland wrote:
I am a very high-functioning Aspie, and very social, type A person. I have rarely met anyone with Asperger's, and most of them were higher on the autism spectrum. While I haven't had much luck with relationships in the past, I would prefer to meet someone special who is an NT, and whom I share mutual chemistry with.

Maybe partly I want to prove I can be happy with a 'normal' person. And maybe it's because I'm happiest when I'm a part of the group, and I want to be with someone who is a part of the group, too.

Thoughts on this? Thanks!


Then date a neurotypical person.



CynicalWaffle
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02 Nov 2014, 6:37 pm

There's nothing wrong with what OP said at all.

Can you imagine an ASD/ASD combination even working out over the long term? It would be much harder depending on what symptoms each person shows.



yellowtamarin
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02 Nov 2014, 8:10 pm

mkoberland wrote:
Maybe partly I want to prove I can be happy with a 'normal' person. And maybe it's because I'm happiest when I'm a part of the group, and I want to be with someone who is a part of the group, too.

I think your motivation to date NTs is questionable, but it's your prerogative, as a human, to have that attitude.



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02 Nov 2014, 8:22 pm

mkoberland wrote:

Thoughts on this? Thanks!


You don't have to want to date someone with ASD. It's entirely up to you. It's really no-one else's business. I don't understand why you made a thread on it though. :?



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02 Nov 2014, 9:14 pm

Is part of the appeal that you'll be one type of 'bridge person,' and your partner will be another?



mkoberland
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04 Nov 2014, 9:33 pm

Possibly. Another person with equally good but different gifts, who balances me out. I agree with the thought that an ASD/ASD relationship would not work out in the end.



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04 Nov 2014, 11:12 pm

I understand where you're coming from. I want to date someone who has the good and neutral things in common with me, but different weaknesses than me to offset them.


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05 Nov 2014, 1:00 am

I wouldn't go so far as to write off other Aspies as potential partners, but I certainly wouldn't seek them out either, as my experience has shown that we're no better at reading and understanding each other than we are NTs, and having that on both sides of the relationship just seems masochistic. I mean I have actually seen it work, but I don't think AS/AS relationships are inherently better than AS/NT ones, and at least to my mind have significant draw backs as well.


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05 Nov 2014, 1:20 am

Dox47 wrote:
I wouldn't go so far as to write off other Aspies as potential partners, but I certainly wouldn't seek them out either, as my experience has shown that we're no better at reading and understanding each other than we are NTs, and having that on both sides of the relationship just seems masochistic. I mean I have actually seen it work, but I don't think AS/AS relationships are inherently better than AS/NT ones, and at least to my mind have significant draw backs as well.


This. Exactly this.


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