Do you fall for people who are different from you?

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I do somewhat. I'm an awkward goody goody nerd, but I fall for rebellious types. I get instantly turned off if I find someone is goody goody. I also get turned off by people who have an awkward and plain appearance.

I do want to date a fellow musician and artist, but probably not another accordion player.

It also seems like people who have stuff in common with me just don't care about their physical appearance. I probably wouldn't date someone like that. Mainly because it's a turn off and they'll probably accuse me of being vain.

It seems like the people I'm attracted to don't like me back. Maybe I'm too boring for them. Should I find ways to become or appear more interesting?

Yes.

You should learn how to accentuate your interests, to enhance your individual differences, e a little less reserved and learn how to expand your creativity somehow.

Artistic folks are most often attracted to eccentric things, you can make your own eccentricities work for you if you explore them more.

We all are individuals which makes us all a bit different but not all of us embrace those differences.

Women, this thread is why 'nice guys' are forever sad, the OP is illustrating a truth we all know far too well but don't want to see or acknowledge.

OP, good, luck finding a guy that is not going to turn your face into jello for refusing sex. "Killer males" are not good at empathy, that's the precise thing that makes them capable warriors, but good luck connecting mentally with those kinds of people.

I'm sure he'll love to introduce you to hard drugs as well, but what do you care? he's being rebellious, maybe you'll OD with a child at 21. How fun.

I think most people - Aspie or not - become romantically attracted to people different from themselves. It makes sense, because most are constantly surrounded by family or friends much more similar to them.

Sadly, what often attracts us to each other can also become a burden. Its much harder to put up with someone different from yourself, often requiring continued selfless effort. That's one reason so many relationships fail; we often want our own way more than anything else.

This is why I'm glad I'm not straight. I can't have kids unless I really want them.

What are you talking about? There was no mention of dating A-holes in the post, refusing sex, or whatever.

My husband is a musician, he plays very heavy music, he does not do drugs or beat me, he treats me with the up most respect.

Refusing sex was an example because those types of bad boys throw a tantrum when things don't go their way, there was an NFL player recently that beat th crap out of his spouse because she would't put out. That's the sort of things you can expect with rebellious types.

That's the sort of attraction that keeps women coming back to their abusers, it needs to end because it's the source of a lot of woe in this world. A husband beating the crap out of his wife in front of her kids will go on to cause trauma in those children, and they will grow up with issues. These kinds of attractions need to end because they cause an endless chain of misery that extends through generations, all because of some bizarre animal attraction, it needs to end.

But nobody here mentioned dating "Bad Boys", at least I know I didn't and the original poster didn't.
Not all musicians are "bad boys", not all tattooed men are "bad boys", bad boys come in many different types of people, under all sort of different disguises. To stereo type musicians as bad boys is pretty judgmental. That is what the original poster said they would like to date (maybe).

Last edited by LoveforLoki on 29 Nov 2014, 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm pretty sure that being rebellious or being in a band doesn't cause you to beat your girlfriend. I'm sure there are plenty of guys who you would classify as "nice guys" who are secretly violent to their significant others.

Either way this is derailing the topic of this thread so let's try not to go off on a tangent.

That is the point I am trying to get across. I mean look at Tom Araya the front man of the Metal band Slayer, he plays in one of the heaviest bands known and he is a family man, with kids, and respects and loves his wife. He provides for his children and is an outstanding husband.

Stereotyping sucks in my opinion.

Her opening paragraph pretty much illustrates her attraction of rebellious types, not sure where you are getting the impression that I'm associating musicians with bad boys.

Attraction to rebellion is railing against conservative foundations, which has its root within the family and community. Which is why bad boys are known to take drugs, and live that sort of fast life. They know the community hates it, which is why they love it, and why they are by definition 'rebels'. The thing that makes them love that sort of life, is what makes them apathetic to family institutions, which is what enables them to continue to take drugs even with their own children around.

Being a rebel also does not equal drug addict or abuser.
You could be a rebel in many productive ways for instant those who protest wars, animal abuse, capitalism, they are all rebels but for a genuine cause.

You associating your ideal of the term rebellious but the definition is vast.

As I said my husband is a big time rebel but not a drug addict or a criminal.

When she' starting she's not attractive to 'goody goody', you know full well she's not talking about any just kind of rebellion. The kind she's describing is the one that's prone to substance abuse, you know very well who those kinds are, and I'm willing to bet if you have children, you certainly wont want them around your kids.

Please, let's not try to justify a woman's attraction to rebellion, because it's the children who are going to pay the price for that corruption, but we humans are very good at passing all of our misfortunes unto our children aren't we?

And your husband is probably not a real 'rebel', musicians put on a stage persona that might reflect that because it appeals to the ears they want to attract, but it's all an act.

Different from me, but not goody goody or rebellious different.

I think it would feel creepy to be attracted to someone exactly like myself.. because then I might be into my twin brother lol.

I'm attracted to a different age group, bit of a different build/appearance, different hair colour, bit different interests, bit different personality etc vs. someone who looks, thinks, and acts exactly as I do. I think that's just human nature with the whole "opposites attract" thing going on.