A Rollercoaster Relationship (Hope for those with problems)

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During my absence from the forums, I have been through a very interesting relationship with a girl. It all started a few months back when I met her at my new high school. It's difficult for me to think about her like this now, but back when I first saw her and was around her at lunch, you could mark me down as uninterested. She was moderately attractive, yes, but her personality was what I would like to call an Aspie's Nightmare. Short attention span, hyper, drug user (not just weed, mind, but the heavy stuff), confrontational, hates to make plans, and, most of all, a very "center of attention" person. Heck, she even has a tounge ring. For most Aspies, this would be quite the turn off in my opinion, and, intially, she was. We had our limited conversations here or there, but all-in-all we couldn't even call ourselves friends. That all changed with a fateful phone call, however...

As I was doing my usual practice of listening to my music, I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I was reluctantly taken out of my trance and engaged into a conversation with my only true new friend at school. We talked about various things for a few mintues, but then he told me that she wanted to talk to me, and gave me her number. I thought about not calling for a little while, but I then considered the possible negative social implecations that could be involved with that route and proceeded to call her and get the problem over with so I could go back to listening to my music. She picked up, and sounded very non-chalant, but, she hit me with a few words that really hit my heart like a bullet entering my chest. "Is it okay if you escort me in Homecoming?". Here I am, deep within my own psycological inner-world contemplating my vivid fantasies, when these words come along. Here was a girl who I had barely met, and who I even harbored minor resent for, asking me to be her date on the pinnacle of her high school life. I was so taken aback, I couldn't form a straight answer immediately, so I just gave a reply that I had some possible plans, but I could probably arrange for it. This gave me some time to really contemplate what hit me. I had never been to prom or anything of the sort, and I was sweating bullets as a result.

To shorten up this post a little, the basic jist of what happened next was that I eventually mustered up the courage to say yes, and let's just say that it was a night that I will truly never, ever forget... with her leaning on my side on the football field, staring at the 4,000+ students eying down at us. My view of her changed completely during those few hours, and we, to my suprise, actually got along very well, as my nervousness had all but evaporated (something I cannot say about my past relationships). After that, we hung out a little bit more in school, and we had two more great moments together outside of it: One of them on a field trip, and another at a College Football Game. The football game was another excellent moment, as she met my family and was actually received very, very well by everyone (though they still don't know of her outside habits thankfully). When she finally got back to my house and had to go, we embraced in a long, deep hug, and I looked into her eyes deeply. I had been dealing with girls from the get-go of puberty due to being born fairly attractive (something BAD in disguise when your an Aspie... trust me), but never had I really been this close to someone.

Unfortunately, after the game, things began to simmer down some, and she came back into contact with her ex-boyfriend again. Signs of anguish began to fill my heart again, but I knew better this time around. I had dealt with two very bad past relationships, and I wasn't going to open up my heart to her. I played it cool and acted like it was no big deal, even though deep down, being an Aspie, my attachment to her was much stronger than I could have realised. Even as my emotions began to build for her, lust began to as well. Still, I persevered, and eventually, the hold dissapated into an afterthought. But, it certainly does not end here...

Laying in my bed while swimming in my normal chaotic sea of thoughts, my mind drifts upon her again, and, as if I were possessed, a part of me told me to give her another shot again. By now, it had been a few months such I had some serious contact with her even though I sat with her at lunch and had 2 classes with her (which made my previous attachment hurt BADLY!! !), and school had finally come to a close for people that were suppose to graduate early... including her. Christmas was in high gear, and everyone was rushing to get gifts. Not surprisingly, I decided to join into the wave as well, and I knew that coming back to her after a while with a gift would more than likely make an excellent impression. I picked out an Moving LCD Picture of the beach. Nothing very expensive, but it was certainly unique and the picture represented something that she loved and brought peace to her. I eventually dropped by her job at a restaurant during the end of her shift and caught up with her.

To my joy, she was very happy to see me, and viewed me in an excellent overall light. I eventually went outside and presented her the gift, and she displayed enthuisiasm I had never seen any girl exhibit. Another tight, embracing hug that I had missed soon followed, and the warmth in my heart came alive again. The next thing that follows is easily the most surprising moment of our discontent relationship. A few days go by, and, yet again, I hear nothing from her. For a day or two, I felt that I had been cheated out of my money and hurt, and went into deep depression once again. The next day, as I went out onto my doorstep, I saw a small package laying by my door. A simple note rested against it, with the words "From *Girls Name*, To *My Name*" etched into it. The package itself held the most unpredictable thing ever. It was a Performance Air Filter for my new car. I knew was valued around $70, and I also knew she wasn't the most well off person in the world financially. I had never felt the feeling of being cared for by another girl in my life, and to say that it felt unbelievable would be an understatement. From there on out, we went on a few dates together, and probably spent time with each other about once a week... eventually leading to the climax of our time spent together: Valentine's Day.

The middle of February rolled around, and I unsurprisingly got her another unique, yet unexpensive gift (A batch of chocolate covered strawberries... her farovite food of all time). I invited her over to my house to present the gift, and she even brought with her a box of chocolates for me. She enjoyed the gift, and we spent several minutes cuddled up in front of the fireplace on the couch, holding hands. We talked for a good while, but eventually she had to go, but before she could get up, I was tired of dancing around how I felt about her, and rolled on top of her and kissed her. Not a small peck, mind you, but a hot, passionate, "make out" kiss. Basically, all of my emotions for her ever since Homecoming were dumped into that one kiss. (On a much lighter note, her tounge ring tasted somewhat like a staple ). It was very long, and she had her eyes shut the whole time, but I could tell she could feel the emotion I put into it. I carrassed her a little bit, but nothing else sexual came out of it. I led her back to her car, and my head told me to try to lighten up the mood some by acting friendly towards her, but before she got into her car she turned around and locked lips with me again. I had never been happier to be cut off speaking in my life.

Now, you would think the relationship would only go up from there, but, somewhat unfortunately, we became more seperated again. This time, however, it wasn't quite as difficult for me to let go of her. Maybe it was from the past experiences with her, but regardless, it was the first time EVER not having a depressed feeling about losing a girl. Those who know of my severe past relationship/Aspie fixation problems know how big of deal this is to me. While it wasn't gone completely, my fear of rejection by the opposite sex is far less of what it use to be. Just recently, I tried to contact her again, and it was a good conversation, but today, she picked up and seemed very uninterested in talking to me. With that in mind, I finally backed up, and told myself that it was time to "get off the rollercoaster". I have no intention of calling her anytime soon, and I know that doing so will probably only result in more pain in the end.

Yet, even with this somewhat letdown of an ending, I have never been happier with a girl in my life. She may be viewed as total b***h by many people and also has many problems of her own (her father passed away in 7th grade), she has taught this Aspie things that I would have not thought possible before. Who knows how long my attachment problem would have gone on had it not been for her. She also showed me first hand that kindness can be rewarded with kindness in return. For me, I am willing to mark her down as my first true love, and, more importantly, my first successful relationship. It truly is odd that logically, she is a complete mismatch for me and has traits that would cause the average Aspie to rip his or her's hair out, yet I enjoy her more than any other girl I have ever met. Unfortunately, I will never be able to confront her and tell her of the problems that she has helped me overcome, but I will always look back upon her as the turning point in my relationship life. Yes, there are still lingering parts of me that wish for me to be with her again (even explore her sexually), and perhaps someday in the future I will board that Rollercoaster with her again, but whether I do or don't, she is the first girl that I can look back at and truly smile thinking about... regardless of who I am with in the future.


Also, in another closing statement, I would like to add that this proves that no matter how hard you fall in a relationship, there will always be a good match out there for you. Granted, it probably won't be the "love of your life", but there are such things as successful relationships such as mine. And also, this only proves the statement of "don't ever judge a book by it's cover". I learned that this even applies not only to looks, but personalities as well.

And this is one long post, isn't it? Thanks to those that actually take time to read it. I'd love feedback if possible!

Dude...omg WOW...

I wish I had words to put together to describe my feelings about your story (positive ones, mind) but since I'm still somewhat speechless at the WOW of it all, and still at work (:oops:)...I'll have to string a coherent sentence together later...

That's fricken amazing, is all I have to say right now.

I admire you for being able to get away from the fixation...pain issues. I still battle with those majorly, although realistically, it is always from a distance mostly.

*claps*

Amazing.

A great read and some very important points are hit upon very well.

That was beautiful...

<jaw drops>WOW... Dude, this was incredible.

Words can't describe what I felt while reading the story. Wait a minute, they can; the word is empathy. (Take THAT, NT doctors.) I could totally relate to the story, even though nothing like this ever happened to me. I'm still speechless as I'm typing this. I'm also pleased that a stereotypical NT girl turned out to be so nice and caring. My first girlfriend (ex-girlfriend since middle of March) didn't even get me a $0.99 card for Valentine's Day, let alone a $70 air filter. Excellent job, Drakeman, and I hope you'll meet people this nice in the future. I'm very happy for you.

Thanks man. I really believe that the worst part of this whole saga with her is not being able to thank her for what she's taught me. I too still find it amazing that a girl like her turned out to make such as drastic impact in my life overall. She's basically led me to believe that there are truly more good-hearted people out there than I initially wanted to believe, and if I had never gotten to known her, I would have easily written her off as a cold-hearted b***h. I really can say that my future in relationships has never looked brighter before. Considering that I was about to give up on them all together only a year ago, the impact she made could possibly be felt by me forever.

Hopefully more people on this forum will read this. It just bleeds hope and love all around - there's a chance out there for everyone, quirks and all. There's good in almost everyone, and the best is often in the most unexpected of places. Never judge a book by its cover, read it cover to cover first

Fark, this is such a learning experience for everyone, me included!

The fact that you both gave each other a chance is amazing in itself, and the fact that it went so much further than just that is such a blessing

Hopefully this will bestow some more positivity to those that are perpetually glued to the singles threads...there's something out there for them, all they need to do is try. Different targets, different chances...

You never know, maybe one day you'll both crash into each other again in the same way...maybe one day you'll be able to thank her for the gift she's given you (and not just the air filter! But I can seriously relate to the car gift thing, my man scored a set of mint-as used performance tyres for me and I was over the freckin' moon! Mmmmmm Potenza GIII...).

Man...I'm just oozing love and pride for you...yes pride, you've done us all proud I thought awesomeness like this only happened in the movies!

You've given me a good lesson about judging people. You handled this whole series of events very well.

lol, now you're just making me feel special ! Nah, seriously... thanks for the comments. I have been absent from this forum for a long time, but when the relationship finally came to an end, the thought of sharing it with other Aspies really hit home with me. Seperation is something that most of us tend to fear, yet the feeling of happiness towards her after it was over hit me harder than any of the emotional pain I've felt in my life. Part of me really wants to thank her when both me and her grow up, and hopefully I'll get that chance someday.

And, I guess on a sidenote, you make this topic feel important enough to be stickied! Probably not gonna happen, but I gotta admit you're making me feel proud!

And, just for kicks, since more people are into this thread than I thought, here is a pick of me and her at Homecoming. It's framed in both of our houses:

http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k248/Kas0988/3.jpg

It's a little to big to post, so just click on it to view it.

Nice photo ;D Really...you're both pretty hot :3 Sweet picture, glad it's been framed by BOTH of you!

That's one of the biggest milestones there isn't it...overcoming the feelings related to losing someone, rejection as it may be loosely interpreted as. I s'pose it's more a feeling of completing something, finishing the job, rounding things off to a tidy end.

Yeah, that's some major wow indeed. If anything I imagine you've gained a lot of strength and confidence from all of this - things will definitely look a lot brighter from here on in I imagine, you've developed skill sets even some NTs would only dream of from being able to handle this in such a mature and positive way - from both of you

Wow, that girl looks really nice, although a little different than how I thought she looked based on the description. (I imagined her having longer hair and wearing a light-colored dress, but that's just me.) She definitely has that peaceful, unassuming appearance that can put anyone at ease, even if only in this photo. I've said it before and I'll say it again: "good job, Drakeman".

Bingo! I have to admit, when the realization swept over me that it was finally time for us to part paths, I wasn't presented with a horrible feeling like I was in my countless failed relationships before. On a quick side story to this saga, there was actually an NT that developed an EXTREMELY bad fixation on her (her ex-boyfriend mind you). When I mean bad, I mean stealing his parents car to see her and threating to kill himself if she didn't talk with him. For someone with AS like me to not feel the fixation the NT guy did makes it all the better ! !!



Mucho Gracias! And, I'm happy that's it's been framed by both of us as well. Infact, there is another picture that we both share of each other that was taken at the football game. However, this picture is hanging up on her refrigerator with no other picture in sight, and mine is a pocket printout still tucked in my wallet even as I type this. On another note, the football game was something that she had been wanting to do her whole life but never got a chance, and her first one will always be with me, so I consider it the payback present for taking me to Homecoming!



Actually, part of that sentence is correct. Her hair is very long. It hangs down below the middle of her back and it's straight instead of wavy like it is in the picture.



It's weird, because around me and a small amount of people she is like that, but in larger groups and at the lunch table, she becomes the center of attention and seems to almost generate a very mild aura of chaos in a way. Like I said, it was turn off at first, but seeing her for who she really was in heart really taught me a powerful lesson indeed.