Rough around the edges

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I'm a 28-year-old female, 5'4", 114lbs, muscular, brown eyes, a full head of soft and naturally straight chestnut hair, 34", 24", 36"... by many superficial measures, I am not a bad looking woman. My personal opinion is that I am rather good-looking. However, I am not "pretty."

Some of you will know what I mean: you meet a guy at the pub/school/work/yoga who shows some interest, you exchange info, anxiously engage in a bit of mini-facebook-stalking-time and, voila, all of the girls he has his arms around in his old profile pictures are "pretty." They are good-looking, sure, but on top of that, they paint on heavy make-up, they clothe themselves in outfits that make it hard to move, they put on nail polish that matches their shoes of the day. Yes, what I mean by "pretty" as I think of it, is someone who essentially WORKS very HARD to optimize their looking good.

Although I think my genetics gave me good potential for this "pretty" thing, I couldn't be farther from this female cultural norm. I do not wear high-heel-shoes, I bite my nails when I drive, I don't even know how to put on eye-shadow in a way that doesn't make me look terrible, my job involves occasionally tangling with venomous snakes and frequently getting covered from head to toe in mud.

I always figured that one day I'd fall in love with someone who wants me as I am, mud boots and all, and that all of that "pretty" nonsense would go out of the window... but I'm getting older now... and so far, the men who have wandered through my life seem to have fallen into one of two categories:

1. Left me for a normal "pretty girl" (often IMMEDIATELY following dumping me)
2. Were perfectly nice people, just not the right person for me (various reasons)

Which brings me up to today.... I really like this guy. I think he likes me too, actually, I think he has liked me for a long time, and I'm just now figuring it out. He's REALLY handsome though, as in, I am kind of intimidated by his handsomness. What's more so, we have a lot in common. He studies lizards and does a lot of work in the field too. However, his exes seem to have been just as I described, very "pretty" women. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I worry that he'll want me to be more girly.

Are these thoughts that anyone else has from time to time?

These thoughts are inevitable.

You fear that this guy will leave you for a "prettier" women because it has happened to you already.

I hope your common interests will be enough to maintain the relationship.

Seems to me I'd know a lot about this if I were a herpetologist. I'm quite familiar with the male equivalent of your circumstances...

Look at it this way--if he is really handsome he can't really do much about it, can he?
He works in the field--more than likely he can't get fat around the middle, or he won't be able to do his job effectively.

So, he is going to attract nice looking girls. And, like nice looking girls, he will have a choice. The difference is, it is likely that he will always have a choice of girls, perhaps more so, as he ages.

It does sound like you have a lot going for you.

Being "pretty" isn't exactly sustainable if you are going to have kids.

A bigger issue, really, is trust. We all want assurance that our partner will be there for us in the bad times as well as the good. I think this is more likely if you have a lot in common and can bond intellectually. It is a rather sad relationship if one can't enjoy each others jokes because of a lack of understanding.

Well they are his exes, so clearly nail polish aside they lacked something he really wanted. How do you know you don't possess this 'x' factor he's after? This is what happens when we start delving into the lives of people we hardly know then making assumptions about them. Give the guy some credit for actually choosing you as you are.

My last partner was one of the beautiful people, extremely well groomed, very good looking, lots of attention from others. But he still choose me for whatever reason. He was constantly concerned with how good looking my previous partners had been. I keep no photo's of bf's past so he never got to find out and compare himself on that score. But it bothered me a great deal that he cared, in fact, it got irritating very fast. It showed me how insecure he was, and then of course that insecurity of his went on to create a whole host of problems that need not have existed. It seemed ironic to me that he was the insecure one, given he would have outranked me any day on that mythical attractiveness scale.

Hard knocks are going to teach you to settle for number 2, although we've had too many of those sort of debates in these forums, so that's all that I'm going to say.

I don't really get what you mean by 'pretty' women. A pretty woman in my eyes is someone that looks beautiful and feminine, regardless of make-up. I hardly wear any make up and don't wear heels or skirts a lot yet many call me 'pretty' because of my natural curvy figure and full curly hair.
There is a reason this guy fell for you. He likes the way you look. There is always a possibility he will fall for someone else, who is not like you. It can happy to anyone. You can't prevent that. I know it's easier said than done but I would advise you to stop worrying about it. Take care of yourself though. If you are compatible then he will like you just for who you are.

You mentioned you're fit, as a mountain man that's more attractive to me than trendiness. I'm a cyclist and I know some really strong girls as a result. One girl I coached years back is still a semi/pro XC mtb rider. There's nothing wrong with being covered in mud, it's the human condition. Everyone needs muscles more than haircuts or clothing.

It is a bit controversial, as is any change, but there is a trend toward women showing off toned muscles on the Red Carpet in Hollywood. And the example set by the First Lady.

I am pretty muscular. I have a good ass too.

Huzzah! >.>

Yep yep yep. I know this feeling. But then, most pics of females posted on Facebook are from moments when they wanted their photo taken, were dolled up, etc. I try to remember that when I see all the pretty females on there. This guy's exes may have spent the rest of their time with minimal makeup and looking less "pretty" as you describe it. (Though you seem to have known this guy a while, so maybe you actually met them.)

Good points made earlier about them being exes for a reason. People sorta tend to go for people on their "attractiveness level" and so he may find that, being so darn handsome, he attracts pretty women. But that doesn't mean it's what he cares about.

I met a long-term partner who is now my best mate through herps (*makes sure not to add an e*). That's irrelevant to your post other than you and I seem to have a lot of similarities, I wish you luck with this guy!