Out on my own and women, anyone can help?

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OutUponATreeBranch
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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31 Dec 2014, 8:19 pm

Hello all, don't know if anyone here could really help with this situation,
but I figured I'd give it a shot. I went out, if you want to call it that, and
fooled around with this girl I met on tinder. Note, I am living alone away from
my family, so I am somewhat lonesome.

Anyway, apparently something went wrong when we were fooling around, she
said it wasn't my fault, and that she wanted to hang out again, and that
she did like me, but she wasn't sure what she wanted, yadda yadda. She's
somewhat flirtatious when we, text, calling me 'love' and things like that.

We've only hung out twice in last week, but both times she was getting something
out of it, tonight she got a pack of cigarettes she needed(out of money, she's a college
student on a scholarship) and another night she was sick and I brought her some
food. She will be somewhat affectionate and hold my hand, but when I try to get
closer, she backs off. She says she's not very affectionate with anyone.

Anyway, this could be a very good investment, but I'm frightened I'm being
used, amongst other things. She was moving pretty quickly first night, now
its all slowed down. She's been making plans, but they'll fall through. Its only been
like 2 weeks so far.

Is there anyone on here that could interpret this situation for me? Note: as I
said, I've moved away from my family for a job so I don't have many more people
to talk to about this and I'm getting sad.



Jules_Bonnot_1912
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31 Dec 2014, 8:47 pm

Dude, you're getting played ... move on

You don't invest in people by buying them things ... wake up, please!


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OutUponATreeBranch
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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31 Dec 2014, 9:12 pm

I thought so, well I dunno know this stuff, haven't gotten played enough. And I know you don't
invest in people by buying them things :) It was only $5, she could've gotten more money than that if she wanted.



vanille
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02 Jan 2015, 11:53 pm

This is how I understand the situation : she makes you feel a little bit less lonely and in return she gets the things she can't pay herself.

You choose if you accept this situation or not, then you choose if you want to change it. For example, you could tell (or write to) her about how this makes you feel used.

I would also like to point out the fact that even though you might feel (and be) really lonely, she is not the only person on Earth who would like to spend time with you. Maybe you could get involved with a local group or start a new activity so you could meet new people ?



BetwixtBetween
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05 Jan 2015, 9:25 pm

Try spending time with her without spending money on her. Think movie night in, with something you both want to watch on Hulu or whatever you have, or playing video games together, or just playing monopoly, or whatever. Something where the only thing she stands to gain is time with you.

She may be playing you, or she may not. Think of the cigs like a cocktail in a bar. The soup when she was sick was a nice touch on your part, and if she were my friend, I'd tell her that's a sign you really care. I can't flirt and I can't tell when a guy is flirting with me, but I'm pretty good at interpreting behavior.

As for her drawing in close and then pulling away, that could be anything from negative past sexual experiences, to her being on the spectrum, to her just remembering that she forgot to shave her legs this past month, to her being a virgin and either not knowing how to proceed or chickening out last minute, to her playing you.

What does her behavior outside of sexual situations say to you? Do you think she would bring you soup if you were sick?



KayteeKay
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08 Jan 2015, 10:23 am

Stop buying stuff for and spending money on this girl, whom you barely know and doesn't seem to be reciprocating. If she hangs out with you when you don't buy her stuff/do stuff for her & continues to contact you of her own volition.



hale_bopp
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08 Jan 2015, 6:14 pm

I'm interested to know what "wasn't your fault".

It seems like she isn't attracted to you, but likes you as a person.



Vomelche
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09 Jan 2015, 12:17 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I'm interested to know what "wasn't your fault".

It seems like she isn't attracted to you, but likes you as a person.


I'm also curious about this. I think she may have some sensitivity / emotional issues with being intimate, and maybe you somehow make her feel a bit uncomfortable in this. In this case, there is not much you could do, but give her some space to decide if she wants to improve on it with you.