How do you ask a girl on a date?

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There is a girl that works in a grocery store that I am interested in. I don't know her at all but I would like to get to know her. Basicly what I want to know is how to ask her out for coffee or something without being too forward or creepy. I know girls get hit on by guys all the time and that it can be very stressful, hence my trepidation.

First of all, you don't ask her out. You need to get to know her and she needs to get to know you.

This is how you do it:

First, figure out ways to come by more frequently. I'm guessing you've spoken…standard courtesy junk and all that with the employee/customer barrier up. You have to get that barrier down if you want to proceed.

Second, once you step up your frequency, ask her about herself. Specifically, what does she do every day besides work hard and make people smile? Ask her if there's anything special she likes to do on the weekends. Ask her if she has a favorite coffee place, if she gets lunch breaks. Find out where she likes to hang out. Where she likes to rollerskate/bowl/shoot pool/etc. Test the waters. See if there are common interests. You be like, "Hey, you hang out at ____? I used to go there all the time. But one night I checked out _____, and it's WAY better." Do this 2 or 3 times (on separate days), and then "suggest" maybe you get together and hang out wherever.

Third, for the love of all things bright and beautiful DO NOT ask her out on a "D*A*T*E*." You're just asking if you can "get together and talk over a beer/coffee/some other fun activity." It IS a date, but I consider it bad luck to verbalize it as such.

Fourth, don't loose sight of your goals. You don't know this girl, and she doesn't know you. You are only trying to find ways to hang out and get to know each other better. That is all. You may find that she doesn't really interest you at all. She may not even find you interesting, either. Setting expectations before you really know someone is inviting failure. It will either go somewhere or it won't. Don't force it.

Fifth, and this is most important: To attract someone, you must make them feel special. That means taking an active interest and showing an active interest. Which means you get her to talk and keep talking. If she stops talking, ask her a question about the last thing she said and get her talking again. Or, if you know something really cool about something she likes, you may give her information that she'll appreciate having. But the point of talking to someone is to show how good you are at listening. So keep the attention away from yourself and your interests and on her and her interests. This is how you win. It's the golden rule. It's thousands of years old. It's even in the Bible. USE IT.

I know what you're saying and I'm with you, we don't know each other and may find out we don't even like each other. It's really the first part of that gets lost on me. How do you go from strangers to friends? I've seen people do it and it's like watching a magic trick. You know there has got to be an easy explanation for it but you just can't see what it is.

You know, trying to respond to this has got me thinking and I still have a lot to figure out. Asking her out now seems a little to big of a step at this point. I'll keep trying to talk to her when I get the chance but I don't see her too often. I don't see her every time I go to the store and I can't really afford to go there much more than I do now.

I guess what I'm realizing is that this kind of approach will not work for me until I find some interests that actually involve me going places. That'a a big issue for me; It didn't used to be, but it is now. All I do is go to work, then come home. Getting groceries is when I spend the most time in public and 95 percent of that is during my lunch hour. So if getting groceries is the most exciting thing I do outside my house then I'm not going to be to successful getting friends, much less a girlfriend.

Thank's for responding, it helped crystallize a few things for me.

Most people don't ask out strangers. If you do, prepare yourself for a lot of rejection. If you are going to ask someone out, you should get to know them well enough first that you have a good idea of how compatible you may be.

I think that asking someone out where she works is never a good idea, particularly in a service industry such as a grocery store. It will be very awkward for her, not only because she probably won't be expecting it, but because she may have to respond in front of everyone else in the area. Her coworkers may overhear it and gossip about it too.

I posted a message experiencing a similar situation. I met a male store employee I really got along with. I got along with him so well, that perhaps he could possibly be on the Autism spectrum. I decided I would try to be platonic friends with him.

All you need to think about is trying to be platonic friends with the girl. It will take the nervousness out of trying to be romantic. When you are friends, you can try holding hands.Or maybe she will be the one that will hold hands with you.

Reread my post. I explained that. It's not really that difficult. What's difficult is getting up the courage to make one tiny move.


I have a 5-minute rule. What does she do at the grocery store? Check-out? You've got a minute or two while you're there. So one day you might say, "Hey, I see you here all the time. What's your name? Cool! My name is ____. It's nice to finally meet you. See you around!" And then a week later, "Hey there, [name]. How are you doing?" And that's it. And a week later "Hello again [name]. Just out of curiosity, what do you do besides work? What do you like to do for fun?" That kind of thing. And if you're not a going out/fun-loving guy already, research whatever she says, maybe go there/do that one time. And then the next week you say "I remember you said you like to _____. If you're not busy on Saturday, how would you like to meet me at _______?" The 5 minute rule is you basically corner someone for 5 minutes and find out as much as you can, and just really get that person to talk to you. You don't have to say much, just act interested. As long as you're interested in what she has to say and you continue to indicate that interest, she will keep talking.


You're not listening. See bolded text. You aren't interested in her. You're interested in YOURSELF. If you want any hope of going out with her even once, you have to stop.

Who cares what you do all day? NOBODY. Especially not her. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do that's interesting. Doesn't matter if you're in MLB or you play Xbox in your mother's basement all day long. Nobody freakin' cares about YOU. So please STOP.

Learn the Golden Rule and what it really means. "Do unto others" is about putting your own needs and desires aside and obsessing over the well-being of others. This is the key to all human relations successes.

Forget about YOU. Focus on HER. What does SHE like to do?

If you're the most boring, do-nothing guy on the planet, here is how you play it: "You hang out where? You do what? REALLY??? I've walked/driven by that place a bazillion times and I had no idea that place was so cool. Would you believe I've never done that/gone there? Would you mind meeting up with me there sometime and show me how to_____? That sounds like a lot of fun!"

My point is it doesn't matter what you're interested in. What matters is that you're interested in HER. And you're not approaching this in the context of a date. You're feeding your interest (in her). You want to know how to skate backwards on roller skates and would like her to help you learn. She's interested in helping people, which is why she works at a grocery store, and she like to roller skate and is quite good. You are asking her to help you learn to do something she enjoys. Chances are good she will go for it. Because YOU like to roller skate? No. Because SHE does, and it makes her heart skip a beat every time she gets to show someone else how awesome she thinks she is.

It's not a DATE. She's just teaching you how to skate. Or bowl. Or what the most awesome coffee flavor is. Or the best new beer at the local microbrew. Or the best local club DJ/producer. She leads, you follow.

The secret is that you are actually the leader, the one taking the initiative and running the show. While you're producing and directing the show, you're making her the lead actress. People love being the big star. People will demand their 15 minutes of fame. So give it to them and they are YOURS.

The Golden Rule, "Do unto others…" is all about less of me, more of YOU.

If she asks you about you, deflect. Say, "you know, my life is boring in the extreme. You don't want to hear about me. Tell me more about…" If she's really interested in YOU, give her what she wants. Say, "well, it's kinda embarrassing, but I work at ____ and I go home. That's pretty much it. I promise, what you do is crazy cool and exciting, and hearing about it makes me think I should really get out more!" If she's STILL interested, she'll invite you to talk about what you actually do at work. You'll talk about it and keep it brief. Keep throwing that monkey back, and before you know it you're actually having a CONVERSATION that goes on for hours.

You can't do this while she's at work, obviously, hence the 5 minute rule. You give her 5 minutes to talk about herself and say something interesting (remember, she thinks it's interesting or she wouldn't say it). You say, "Wow! That's really neat. I know you have to get back to work and I have to get home, but how would you like to get together after work sometime? I'd really love to hear more about _____." It's possible to get a date the first time you meet someone that way, but I'm not a big fan of rushing things. I prefer making it into someone else's comfort zone first, which could take a long time depending on the person.

Learn to listen to others more than anything else. It's all about her, not you.

Excellent points here. It certainly doesn't help. I prefer asking someone out without asking her out. If we can get together after work, I can ask you out THEN. It's just how do you find someone after work?

Sometimes you can pull off the direct approach. Story time:

My wife previously worked at a certain bank in the area that got a lot of traffic. I live in the American South, and the racial climate here is, um…UNIQUE we'll just say. Now, bank tellers are supposed to be super-friendly, sweet people. But this one white guy would wait around until this one lady's window opened just so she'd have to do his transaction and he could spend a minute or two talking to her. And then one day he showed up and didn't have a transaction. Not long after that they ended up in a romantic relationship.

My wife and her co-workers saw it coming long before she did, too. And yeah, they gossiped about it and teased her about it. But it ended up being "You know, he really likes you. No, you don't understand…he really likes YOU. Just go out with the poor guy!" It can be awkward, but most people have forgotten it ever happened within 15 minutes.

The whole ask-her-out-at-work thing is a Catch-22. Not that my opinion actually counts for anything, but I wouldn't let that get in my way. Just learn to fly under the radar.