Need help discussing the following

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Through personal experience, I have come to the conclusion that I would do better in an AS-AS relationship. However, I have very mild AS, and don't have the touch and intimacy issues that some others on the spectrum have. I have no problems with touching, cuddling, and kissing.

So what is the best way to discuss such issues with someone on the spectrum, especially if she is a Christian? Is looking for a fellow mild AS person the best plan of action?

For example, since a large number of people on the spectrum are asexual, how is the best way to discuss sexual issues?

Here are the thoughts that cross my mind:

1. I am worried that if she mentions she's asexual, and I leave, she will think that I was going to use her. Same thing if she says that she wants to wait until marriage.

2. I am worried that I can't discuss sex without a potential partner thinking that's all I am after. Yet at the same time, I feel that I need to know one's preferences early on. I, personally, am tired of using the Simpsons and South Park as a front for this issue.

Nevertheless, I am still attracted to those Aspies that are artistic/artsy, even though I am a cartographer/urban planner.

The overall point is: How does one discuss these issues with another Aspie, and how is it different that having said discussion with an NT?

I should imagine most aspies are open and frank when talking about sex. I talk about sex with friends openly so I dont see that it would be a problem for you to discuss if with any potential girlfriends before you dated. Sounds like you may be the one who is inhibited and embarrassed about sex. Im sure any gf wouldnt mind talking about sex, if she does then its a good thing if it scares her off (seperate wheat from chaff) as you wont get a good sex life if she wont discuss sex easily and openly as in a relationship sex needs to be discussed so that you both know you are pleaseing each other.

That was a major issue in my last relationship (also an AS-AS relationship). She wouldn't discuss anything in that topic.

It's even more difficult if she's a Christian, because even though many are open, some of the more conservative Christians refuse to even remotely discuss it until marriage.

And a lot of it has to do with whether there is a line between leaving because of sexual incompatibility, or using someone for sex, and if so, what is the line.

Two years ago when I was meeting men, I met one of them and he happened to have AS. I knew beforehand and after we meet, he starts asking me about sex. He asks me if I like it, if I like to be cuddled and what kind if sex I like. If I didn't know he had AS I would have thought he was after it and that was what he wanted me for. You know the typical woman reaction. We also talked about our fetish in the open not even caring if strangers will overhear us.

Yeah I am guilty of thinking if a guy left me for me not wanting to have sex, it was all he wanted and he didn't care about me. That's what I had been taught and I was used by my ex. But I have seen some aspies point of view here about sex, they don't want to waste their time with the wrong woman and finding out she sucks having it.

This is a tough one because as a woman I do get creeped out by men if they bring up sex too soon. I don't want to be used and I try and be cautious. So I decided on a test making them wait six months to see how much they care for me and I have been accused of mind games for this advice. I don't understand how it's a game. I just don't want to be used.

So I have no idea how soon a guy should bring it up or how later. I guess it's a risk they take.

Yeah, that's the difficult part, defining that line.

But why does there have to be an arbitrary time period?

In other words, I need an Aspie with no touch issues, and a high sex drive.

If you're in a friendship, I think talking about sex might be a bit tricky...

If you're in a romantic relationship, I don't understand why there should be any barrier to talking about sex at all. I mean, sex is an essential part of any normal romantic relationship.

If you're in a relationship and your partner won't discuss sex or dismisses the possibility out of hand, I got a news flash for you, IT AIN'T A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP!

... and if it's only a friendship, there's no reason to leave. You simply maintain the friendship while you continue looking for a romantic partner.

It all depends upon the individuals involved. Just as there is variation amongst NTs, there are variations amongs us Aspies and such.

I pretty much share your view tex, but I am also a bit different, in that I will not ask about sex on the first few dates (dont want to come across as a user for the most part, and also because of the need for a slower paced relationship.)

get a robot, seems you still have those ridiculous standards and complete lack of understanding of not only women, but social situations
every guy wants a girl with a huge sex drive (except those asexual fella's)
voicing it makes you look like a turd
having common interests sounds good from the beginning, but you will run out of things to talk about
its not all sweet talk
even some NTs have touch issues, you can't just go around saying all this and expect her to plop into your lap
not how life goes
common faith and the AS-AS thing, I can understand that
but people are unique, not how you want them to be
if you don't see that, then you're gonna be alone

I am trying to work my way around some of those issues, though.

The advice I keep getting is that "the female partner always has the final say".

The fact that nearly all the Aspies who are single are either:

1. Hippies
2. Hipsters

(both of which refuse to date Christians who vote Republican)

3. Right-wing fundamentalists

(who think any sex outside of marriage or not leading to procreation is evil)

complicates things even more.