obsession vs real feelings

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I don't have any way of defining the difference between the special interests (obsessions) I've had and the possibility of a real romantic relationship.
I know I lie on the gray-ace spectrum when it comes to sexual things and in that I have only experienced sort of attraction to girls although I don't feel I fully understand what attraction is (so I guess I have that question too) I have anxiety problems and constantly worry about what if I am not doing what I should be doing, but some of you who are married still experience this worry so this makes it even harder to define so my two questions are
a) what is the difference between obsession and real love and
b) how can you define attraction
thank you guys.