Cafe or bar for first date?

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I was chatting to a girl on a dating site and I asked if she'd join me for a coffee. She said yes but that got me thinking. Which do girls generally prefer for a first date, a cafe or a bar? I just asked her for a coffee out of reflex but most of my dates have been in bars. So men, ladies, which do you think is better?

i think a cafe might be better. a bar usually has louder music making it harder to talk and can also trigger your sensory issues.

Cafe. Just my opinion here, but people go to bars to drink. There's nothing wrong with having beer/wine/cocktails and relaxing under the influence. That's great. But then you have the decreased inhibitions and you may not be thinking clearly. That can make your date look like it's going a lot better than it really is.

At least if you're under the influence of mild stimulants (caffeine), you're going to be pretty sharp. There's only just so much you can get out of a first date, but mainly you want to know if this girl is certifiable. Crazy is hard to get rid of, and nobody expects a call after a first date. If it doesn't go well, you can just quietly disappear and pretend it never happened.

In either case, my rule is get her talking and keep her talking. Display an active interest in her. If she shows interest in you, capitalize on that to get a second date. "You like to go roller skating? That's so cool! Oh, ME? Something cool about me? Um….well…I've always wanted to go roller skating. But would you believe I've never gone roller skating? No! I don't even know how. Oh, look at the time…I have to get back. But, hey, I'd like to try out that roller skating thing. Maybe you could teach me? See you Saturday? Does 5 work for you?"

Cafe dates are good lunch dates or after work dates on any given day of the week. A good rule to follow is never ask someone out on a weekend date after Wednesday. When that cute girl you see walking in the park every morning after she finishes her night shift at the hospital comes up to you and introduces herself, you've got 5 minutes to chat her up, find out 1-3 interesting things about her besides her name, and get a lunch date, or more appropriately breakfast or something early evening. Whatever, but the goal is to take 5 minutes and turn that into 1 hour. And maybe turn that 1 hour into ANOTHER hour later on. And take that hour and turn it into 2 hours. And take those 2 hours and get another 2 hours next weekend. And take those 2 hours and…well, could be anything--could be 8 hours at your place for all you really know.

You could make either work for you, cafes or bars. I just tend to prefer cafes. I think bars are probably a little more distracting. The way you can tell it's going to work is you see what she's interested in more. Some girls will prefer bars. So what you want to do when you're wrapping up your coffee date is ask her how she feels about bars and if that would be something she'd be interested in doing next time. She'll likely be ok with that. But you really need to be on mission to get as much information about her as you can. Does SHE like to go to bars? Which ones does she like?

Food and drinks are an easy way out for a date. That's great to get together and just talk. You're on a fact-finding mission, which you're going to use for more interesting dates down the road. If you really want a good, quality date, you're going to want to be engaged in some physical activity. If you want to hang out in bars for a good time, you should take up country line dancing or master the pool tables. I suck at bowling, but it beats nothing. If nothing else, it's good for a laugh. Mini-golf if you can still find a place… I actually CAN roller skate and ice skate. There's paintball. Going to the zoo. Museums. Art galleries. Or go fishing. Or get a group of friend together for Monopoly/Uno/trivia games. The point being if all your dates are bars, coffee shops, and restaurants, it's not going to stay interesting and engaging for long.

I would say cafe so it would be more of a chance to relax and be able to talk to each other. A bar is so loud and obnoxious people are there. Then if you want to do a bar do a jazz bar of something.

Café, not bar....unless it's a sports bar or a cabaret kind of place that plays jazz.

I wouldn't mind a pub type of place--the trouble is: there will be other guys seeking a lady's attention there.

Unless you both like to play darts. Darts would be a great icebreaker.

Take her to McDonalds and order her a happy meal. Then you two can play in their indoor jungle gym. Thats where I took my first date in late January. I can't seem to get a hold of her though.

[X] Café.

They're usually quieter than bars, and the clientele tends to be more respectful of personal space - you're not likely to have a drunken patron hit on your date in a Café.

This is also very true--other guys trying to steal your girl.

But I have to point out a couple of things with that:
1. You're going to have that everywhere, not just in bars. It's just that people in bars tend to not be very slick about it. It's a different mentality elsewhere, so it will be either be more difficult to pull that off or unwanted advances just aren't that noticeable.

2. Nobody "steals" dates. Sometimes I joke about "stealing" my wife from her ex-bf, but the reality is he was an abusive jerk and all I did was stand up to him long enough for her to see he couldn't coerce her into staying with him anymore. She didn't want to be with him anymore, and I just gave her the impetus to end the relationship. But even if you have the best intentions and you treat her better than royalty, she doesn't "belong" to anyone she doesn't give herself to. If some not-so-smooth talker drunk at a bar is all it takes for her to lose interest in you, forget about wasting any more time with her. Maybe that makes you a wimp. But it also makes her a b!tch. Don't waste time with a girl like that.

The more I think about it, the more appealing #2 sounds. It's a litmus test. Maybe wait 2 or 3 weeks/dates before taking her to a bar. If some slick, drunk PUA type tries to take her home, see what she says. The correct response is something along the lines of "Go away, you sad, little man." If a girl like that actually WANTS to be with you, she's a keeper.

Cafe. It feels safer. Both because there's no expectation I'll impair my judgement with alcohol and because cafes have less of a reputation of women getting groped, verbally harassed, assaulted, and drugged.

Makes sense. Now that I think of it, in most of the pub dates I've had the girl drank coke. Maybe girls in general don't want to imbibe alcohol on a first date.:chin: I think there might be one of those a few miles north from me. That might be a fun idea for a second date. Do you suppose she'd think it's too forward of me if I picked her up for that? She's a recent arrival from south China and she doesn't seem to know her way around town yet.Never happened to me. All of the pubs I've dated in were either full of middle aged men who stuck to themselves or full of young people who stayed in their own cliques.Weeknight dates? I guess I could have tried that. I guess one advantages of bars over cafes is that at least they're open after 5:30PM. I asked her out on Saturday. I hope that's not too long to wait. We kind of ignored each other over the last weekend but we resumed talking last night.Pool tables? One of my favourite games. I'm not skilled at it though.Hmmm. A game I'm semi-decent at. That could work.
Mini-golf is another game I like. There are several mini golf places around. The trick is finding one that's not overrun by annoying kids.Never again will I have a first date in a museum. I remember what happened last time when I tried that OK, I've got a plan for that. She's really into Minecraft, a game I'm only vaguely familiar with. Anyway, I purchased a headset for this, so now we can chat through minecraft. I mean, this girl I know and her boyfriend, they hang out together in Minecraft all the time. It seems to work for them. They get immersed in it for hours.

Duh, you know what?
It really doesn't matter at all, if she doesn't like you in a bar, she won't like you in a cafe - and vice versa.

It's not like either of these places will be a deciding factor for her for liking you or not.

Sometimes, the Venue does help.

Whatever. Doesn't matter. Just be on time.

Yep...Always be on time, even if she isn't.

You already invited her to the cafe - why try to make changes now? Maybe just stick with the plan. Next time, a bar might be nice because the worst problem w/first dates I've had is nerves, and if you're anything like me, having a little glass of wine can really soothe away the pressure of getting to know someone new. If you're sure you like the girl, why not take her to a restaurant straight away? Drinking and eating relax people and sharing a meal together is fun and can help encourage the conversation.

Either works. It's much over muchness.

Since it is a first internet date, make sure it's for a short period -- so you can escape if it's boring!