in need of help

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I'm 28 nearly 29 and have never been in any kind of relationship ever, never kissed anyone (or anything for that matter) I'm on a least four dating sites non including autistic dating sites which are worse because the options are more limited. I've sent out tonnes of messages and got nowhere, and I don't know what other options there are. I have considered speed dating but the sessions are late at night and at the moment there's dark nights.

one of the biggest obstacles is that so many women don't want to date someone who has never been in a relationship before, so how am I supposed to get experience i no one will have someone like that.

I've ranted in a lot of places and at many people and got nowhere, I also lack physical friends (got non of them)

I'm 23 & have had 2 serious relationships however my first relationship wasn't good at all & it left me feeling really low & I developed self esteem issues & the time I spent being single made me realize that having a partner is not all its cracked up to be. Yes ... it can be lonely & yes I know that I'd be very caring in a relationship but if I could give you any sort of advice regarding this is do not get yourself in a state about this somebody will come along when you least expect it.

Several questions:

1. Does you bitterness at never having been in a relationship (that comes across SO VERY CLEARLY in your post) seep into your online dating profiles?

If yes, it likely explains why you aren't getting any responses.


2. Why are you putting the fact that you've never had a relationship on your dating profile?

3. Why don't you have any friends?

If you can't get along with people well enough to have even a friendly acquaintance or two, wow, that's an inauspicious omen. Perhaps you should consider working on your social skills, to get them to the level of making/maintaining a friendship or two, having a social life, etc. before setting out to get a girlfriend.

Can you stop your exclusively anti-male crusade here on WP? You always attack every male member here no matter how he expresses things.

I am gonna make all mods aware and watch your *drip-drip* misandry till you get kicked out from this forum.

I'm 3 years younger but in a similar position so I'm kind of curious; how long have you been trying online dating?

Speed dating has been suggested to me and I'm also reluctant to try it because meeting lots of people in a short space of time and trying to make a good impression is something way out of my comfort zone. I would see it almost like an ordeal. I think I need to get myself in a better space mentally before even trying something like that. There's a good chance I could put in the effort to come off well to a dozen people and still none of them would like me, I need to be ready to deal with that.

I would encourage you to try it and feed back your experience to the forum. It's probably not as bad as we think.

I think I need to spend some time focusing on learning a new skill or something for my own sake to build my confidence. And just ignore dating for a while.

I know your saying but the fact that it's been 28 years and nothing has happened makes me feel like nothing will:(


I don't see how it can, any I'm not bitter I'm desperate and lonely



because people are going to find out anyway, plus omiting would make me feel guilty (as if I was being dishonest)



I can't interact very well with people, (in school eveyone hated me because of the way I was)
I literal don't know how to make friends with someone and have ranted and ranted about this to people around me for help and got nowhere



I have online friends, support workers and work collegues that I get on with. Plus waiting for a relationship would be nearly impossible for me because I'm desperate and being lonely is causing me depression

I think it's a very bad idea to disclose that you've never been in a relationship on a dating site profile. Hell, I wouldn't even disclose that to a woman until you've known her for awhile. It's will be a red flag to most prospective partners. Let someone get to know and like the person you are before telling them that you have zero experience.

i see NOTHING anti-male in this post. a good issue is raised with valuable advice. it might have been said more nicely. i am married to a great guy. i like guys and i would have said something similar, at least to not mention the lack of prior relationships. boo's animosity exceeds the animosity in the advice. is there a long-standing beef between you two?

btw, summersolstice is an awesome user name.

research the steps you need to take to get good at social skills and how to attract women. It's not rocket science but you might need to diligently practice these things over and over again for years before you can achieve consistent success in this area of your life. Once you're good at it, you'll probably not even be able to imagine how it was hard for you at one point.

Same. I found that disconcerting and hope it didn't alienate the woman who was trying to help in the thread.

KayteeKay, you've been reported numerous times, and have received quite a few moderator warnings because of your treatment of male members here.

Next time it will be a permanent ban.

Alternatively, stating it when you haven't been asked to (and I've never seen a site that asks you to state how many relationships you have had) can make it look like you consider that to be a very important thing to tell people about. In other words, by mentioning it, you are essentially highlighting the fact, and telling readers that it probably has an impact on you (which could be negative). There are plenty of things, I assume, that you are omitting from your profile because you don't think they are relevant enough to share just yet. My advice would be to put your relationship history in that basket. Nothing dishonest about that.

in reference to the site asking about relationships its asks questions about you and one of the questions is

Would you date someone who has never been in any kind of relationship

a lot of women who answered that said no

also there's a querstion of how long do your relationships usually last and for those who answered it many put "never been in a relationship" as an "unaceptable response (it's a feature of the site that when you answer a question you can indicate the ideal response from the other person)

She earned a history of always putting male members in accusatory light, like she did to this OP here, in her post she's actually hinting "You are bitter that's why you are single" while there's no sign of bitterness, just an assumption she throws on male members here, it's actually trolling. Also she never takes into account other reasons why he's single like autism for example.

Check Booyakasha's post, I am not inventing this.

I am glad the OP chose to ignore her (or him? not sure) altogether, don't feed the troll.

Don't put so much stock into those questions/responses. Some women who answer that way probably wouldn't date someone with no experience, but I can say from personal experience that plenty of them would. A lot answer that way because there is a very unflattering stereotypical image of a guy with no relationship experience that a lot of people have in their minds. I think that most women answer based on that image, rather than on the actual question. Also, no one's perfect and *most* people don't expect a perfect partner; just because you don't get a check mark in one box doesn't mean that you're not compatible. There's no reason to let them know about your lack of experience, unless they specifically ask (in that case, I'd be honest, but how you phrase things will make all the difference)

My advice to you would be this: figure out why you can't seem to attract women's interest, and then work on those aspects of yourself to make yourself more interesting. It could be trying to get on to a better career path, developing some new hobbies, dressing differently/changing appearance, or improving your social skills/flirting skills. If you're not getting responses to your messages, then that's an easy fix: just work on the trifecta of pictures, profile, and message content. I've had quite a bit of success with the online portion of online dating, so I can try to help you out here if you'd like.