What positives are there about being single?

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So, over the past few months I've begun to finally be happy with being single. Over the years since I was about 15 I've been obsessed with girls and the opposite sex and the idea of a relationship. It's been an unhealthy obsession and I was well aware I had a problem years ago but have never been able to truly overcome it.

Well, things have been looking up. I wouldn't say I'm COMPLETELY happy being single. But I would say I'm at least half-happy being single. It's strange.

The main problem is, I'm happy being single, but just not in the right way.

It's not like "I'm single. Who cares? I can just live my life, do my own thing, focus on school and friends and hobbies/interests".

But it's more like the CONFIDENCE that comes in being single. It's more like
"Hey world, here I am! I'm single, good-looking, happy, social, confident guy with hobbies and interests. I have flaws but I am working on them and I have a lot to offer in a relationship and I would be a pretty good catch. It's time for me to go out and seek a relationship."

It's not like "Yay, I'm single. But I don't care. Time to live life."

It's more like "That's right, I'm single. So, where the ladies at?"

If you know what I mean. Happy being single, but still seeking a relationship.

These are the simplest ways I can describe it.

So, really, how can one become happy being single?

I think my main problem is, I'm too afraid to stop seeking a relationship altogether, because then it'll come across obviously that I DON'T want one.

I've talked to my NT friends about why I find it hard to make friends or have relationships. They told me it isn't even because of my Aspergers, I'm not an a55hole and I'm not rude or anything.

I'm fairly social and confident aspie, most people don't actually know I have AS and I come across as normal if slightly awkward and shy at times. My only real problem is anxieties and loneliness.

But anyway, it's because I come across as 'closed-off'. I asked what they meant and they said it is because I come across as 'content' - I just really DON'T look like I am looking to make new friends or find a relationship.

A girl I'm friends with told me that, at the start of the year, she didn't even realize I was a new kid at my new school and had to ask about it. She said it was because I did not act like a new kid at all. She said I acted like a normal kid that's been going to the same school for years, etc.

This is a problem I've fixed. I've been trying to meet more people lately and talk to more people than I used to, so it at least LOOKS like I'm looking to meet new people and make new friends. But still.

Anyway, sorry to turn this post into a critical post, but I can't help but find there is NO good reason to be happy being single. I mean, seriously.

All good reasons for being 'single' can still be done in a relationship.

What most people in relationships tell me when they tell me the good things about being single:

- You have time for friends, study, hobbies, and interests.

My answer: Unless you have a bad relationship or over-clingy partner (and an over-clingy partner i would also consider 'bad') than no, a relationship should not affect these things. Maybe slightly, but never majorly.

- You can use the extra alone time to discover yourself, to discover your hobbies/interests and who you are as a person

My answer: But I've already done this and I'm sick and tired of it. There's nothing left about me to discover. I can read myself like a book these days. Whenever I feel sad or upset or angry, I talk to myself and think deeply and can ALWAYS discover my feelings. I think deeply to myself and find out who, what, where, why, when, and how. I can discover EVERYTHING about why I feel a certain emotion and what caused it. If this isn't knowing yourself and your own thoughts and feelings, then I don't know what is. I know some people who can feel angry or sad or depressed but never discover why. Well, I use to be like this but I grew out of it.

- Relationships require work/effort.

My answer: I'd rather have some meaning in my life and invest my time into making someone else's life better while making my own life better.

I don't care if a relationship requires work/effort. I'd rather be doing that than sitting around at home, unproductive, all alone, watching garbage on a computer while my future soulmate does the same thing.

Yes I have school, chores, friends, and hobbies, plus my rest and relaxation time, but when I'm not doing these things, what ELSE could I be doing in my life that is PRODUCTIVE and MEANINGFUL? Hm? A relationship could fit into my schedule, no doubt about that. I have too much free time, even if I got a part-time job, again, I'd STILL have time for a relationship. My day is literally filled with HOURS of spare time. I always have to distract myself.

- "Being in a relationship isn't that great/it doesn't make a difference/it's pointless/it doesn't matter that much"

My answer: Then what's the point of your own one, then? How could you say such a thing about the love between you and your partner? It's like you're treating it as less important than it truly is. Take it seriously.

But yeah. Most reasons to be happy being single in my opinion either can also be applied to someone in a relationship, or they are pathetically poor excuses rather than good reasons.

So, why should I be happy being single? Haha, I'm sorry, but someone help me see the light here? I'm already half happy being single, what reasons should I be fully happy being single?

And my reasons for being half happy being single are only "because that means i'm available" and no other reasons.

You're not obligated to anybody. You could do as you please with your free time. You don't have to answer to anybody should you not feel like hanging out with anybody.

Hey Outrider.

There is less drama and less stress (less of a mental and physical toll to maintain the relationship), but one of the downsides, at least for me, is no emotional high/cloud 9 feeling.