so when is it a relationship?

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I have been on dating site for years with limited success. I have had two relationships from one site. But in both cases I was only talking to one person.

Now I have 2 men who seem interested. I understand that it is OK to date around until you are in a relationship, but when does it count as a relationship? Is it after a certain number of dates? Or a conversation about exclusivity? Or some other factor? I've never had more than one option before.

But then maybe I am jumping the gun, neither man has asked me out yet.

When both parties agree its a relationship...I think

I think its ok to date around until you, or the person you are dating, expresses some form of serious interest or commitment. This is how most people seem to do it.

Thanks. One of them asked if we could talk on the phone later this evening. This is where things usually fall apart... So wish me luck!

In my mind, a relationship is not a relationship until two people actually meet in person.

I'd never commit myself during an "online" relationship.

Without personal contact, and personal PHYSICAL contact, it is not a "full" relationship, IMHO.

It's a relationship if you agree on it. Just be sure to tell them that you're seeing 2 to see how they feel about it.

Well of course not. But if say I date one three times then the other asks me out would it be cheating to accept the date?
The one I am most interested in is the one taking his sweet time.

No, it would not be cheating. You're not committed to the guy.

You don't even have an obligation to TELL the guy about it.

My boyfriend and I, we had the "exclusivity" talk. We were dating for weeks already.

I find the issue rather irrelevant.

Irrelevant to you isn't irrelevant to everyone. One of the common problems we face is an inability to decipher society's rules. I was asking about the rules for a social situation that were not readily apparent to me.

Yes, you're jumping the gun. By a LOT.

My take on exclusivity is that you are not dating exclusively until:
1) you have discussed dating exclusively AND
2) you have BOTH agreed that you're exclusively dating.

Up until that conversation, it's fine to date as many people as you like -- provided you're hinest about it if asked by one of the guys you're casually dating.

I'm also of the view that anybody who you're NOT exclusively dating isn't owed anything -- including a returned phone call. I cannot tell you how many over-entitled dudes I've gone on a bunch of dates with but NOT agreed to (or even discussed) dating exclusively with who've lost the plot completely after sat, six or seven dates when I'm no longer interested.

(Hint for guys: calling / emailing a million times makes you look like a psycho. Total psycho. Psycho that a girl will remember and tell her friends about -- as in "OMFG, I went out with Bob maybe 8 times and then he called/emailed/stalked me for months... I was on the brink of filing a restraining order! Stay away").

A better hint for guys: Never, ever date or get an interest in this girl because she might dump you for no reason after 8 dates. That's just horrible.

For me it is irrelevant because I assume that in any potential relationship there is a longer phase of mutual interest that is exclusive, and if this is not so, I'd lose interest quickly. After the initial phase is over, I'm effectively polyamory, and I cannot break the attachment in any easy way.

In a way, I'm the opposite of what is normal throughout this.

What is socially acceptable is of no interest to me. I'd never peruse a relationship because of social factors, and I have no interest in NTs whatsoever.

How is that horrible? People date to see if they're compatible. If a girl dumps you after 8 dates, she's doing you both a favor by preventing you from wasting a longer time dating someone who wasn't interested.

Not so. If I fancy a girl enough to go on 8 dates with her, I'd inevitably have developed a crush on her and a strong attachment that I'm unable to get out of in any easy way. That's why I don't do dating, and why I find this behavior horrible, and especially when directed at neurodiverse people.

The wasting time argument is not really relevant as nobody should go on 8 dates without having a genuine interest, and if they decide to break up after that they should have a damn good reason for doing it at that point.

As a neurodiverse person that is unable to just drop attachments you have no other way of coping with such behavior than to avoid getting attached to people until you have exchanged claims of exclusivity, or you know you are dealing with somebody that is unlikely to do this to you. I'd definitely prefer to deal with people that are unlikely to do this as the other route is awfully similar to the friendship route which I find highly undesirable.

So, in essence, what the girl does to me is not a favor that avoids me wasting a lot of time but a disfavor that leads me to waste months or years on getting out of an exclusive attachment that is not reciprocated. Of course, this is part of the reason why girls that do this might get stalked.