The Philippines

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I was thinking about the bad old days when I chatted on Yahoo Chat - years ago now. But there, there was a huge surplus of men from India and the Muslim world.

Well, the female equivalent of this was the Philippines. If I'm not wrong, doesn't the Philippines have a surplus of women in its population?

The differences were: so many Indian men and those from the Muslim world were there no doubt because of the restrictions on making relationships with females according to their culture and religion. And for the most part, they were disrespectful to women while the Philippine women were mostly respectful and educated. Perhaps, for lonely Aspie men, the Philippines and Philippine women is an idea?

Mail-order brides from the Philippines is not a new idea, guys from Western countries have been travelling to the Philippines in search of "companionship" (marriage isn't always on the guys' minds) for decades.

As far as I'm aware, there's no noticeable surplus of women in the Philippines. Sure, there isn't a cultural bias towards men in that country, compared to other Asian cultures like China, but it's pretty even.

You are right, the extent of education in the general population in the Philippines is quite high. The main issue there at the moment is a lack of employment opportunities, particularly for skilled labor (e.g. medicine, engineering) so people there know to try to find jobs elsewhere. Many Filipinos head for Europe or North America or the Middle East. It's common for relatives to stay longterm overseas, and send money back home, so the rest of the family can buy stuff.

This relates to the "lonely Aspies" in that the Philippines is well familiar with its people finding mates from Western countries, and the practice is not discouraged. Many see it as an avenue to escape poverty and for social advancement. So saying that, it might be a relatively simple matter to find somebody. However, you should keep in mind that Filipino culture is very different from Western cultures. Like most other Asian cultures, Filipino culture is very family-oriented. Filipino culture is also very highly social, kind of like Southern Europe, very heavily NT-like, compared to Northern Europe/Scandinavia where the culture is more "cold," where public displays of emotion are not encouraged. Although they like the educational and economic opportunities in countries like the US, they do not like the individualism, and it's this respect that AS folks will run into trouble. If you are a responsible family-oriented guy, earn a decent living, and know how to keep your meltdowns in check, then you may do fairly well. If you don't earn a decent living or poorly educated, you will probably be seen as a ticket to a green card, and the long-term relationship is going to chafe quite painfully. Also, it's not unheard of in the Filipino-American community, at least, of stories of the women getting physically abused while overseas. That's not to say that the abuse is linked to husbands having AS, just saying that abuse happens. And with Filipino culture still pretty much frowning on the concept of divorce, you can end up with a lifetime of misery if the marriage is an unhappy one.

Sorry, I am really trying hard not to let my personal skepticism of this idea get too heavy-handed. I'm a second-generation Filipino-American guy, I've got white American guys married into my extended family (the women had already immigrated here to the US, but were single coming here), and so far there haven't been any major problems and the guys are likable. However I have also met other couples that were really struggling (the guys in those couples were AS). By American standards in particular, Filipinos in general are quite respectful, especially when it comes to matters of the family. They respect their elders, they do not like open confrontation (but good God can they be passive aggressive, and b***h behind people's backs and gossip). But don't confuse that with the thought that Filipinas are pushovers. Filipinas can be very strong-willed, especially in domestic matters, and they are not averse to using emotional/irrational methods to advance their arguments.

In my opinion, it's totally fair and reasonable to want to try to establish a long-distance dating thing with somebody from the Philippines. The point of that is taking the time to get to know the other person. I just don't think it's very wise to do what a lot of guys have done, to go through the mail order-bride route. That's basically getting hitched without really knowing the other person beforehand. One can read that and then not be surprised why that kind of marriage is very much a crap shoot.

This entire e-mail is based on broad generalizations and stereotypes of a culture and group of people, so you'll have to keep in mind the applicability and limitations of such generalities. This is from my own personal experience with the culture, and how it conflicts with American culture. Take with a grain of salt. Good luck no matter what route you take!

A lot of this may come from the fact that there are a lot of Phillipino men working overseas, particularly in the Middle East. So there would be some imbalance at home.

Now sometimes it works out with 'mail order brides', sometimes not. One of my friends married a Phillipina, who got her friends to marry his friends. They brought out 'the book' (of single women that would like to meet men) but thankfully, I chickened out. As soon as they were full-fledged US citizens, they divorced 'en masse', and one or two brought in their old home-country boyfriends, who set them up as 'hubby number 2'.

Granted, this doesn't always happen, but it happens enough to be noticed.

There's also Russian women, but the same warnings apply.

Try the locals first. You can try more often, and it's a #$%^ sight cheaper.

My wife is Philippine. We get along well enough. Most of our Asper v. NT conflicts can be put off to cultural differences. There are many things I like about Philippine culture. Some of them are:

Visitors to one's home MUST be fed, or at least taken out to a local restaurant (Sinagang na baboy = Yum!).

A man who is kind and good-natured is pampered by his wife, who is the envy of her female friends and relatives.

Everybody is everybody else's cousin (it seems), so there is this massive help network for employment (Family First!).

Being a Ninong (godfather) means lots of hugs and sticky kisses from toddlers.

No one objects if you show up to a party with Tupperware containers.

Some of the drawbacks are:

An abundance of gossip; so much that it seems the two people allegedly having an affair are the last to know about it!

The eldest generation in a house - not necessarily the owners of the house - must be accorded the most respect (Hindi po! This is my house, my television, and my remote, so we're watching what I want to watch, lolo!).

Philippinos seem to have passive-aggression down to more than a mere science or way of life. "Yes" can mean anything from "Yes, but not right now" to "No, and please don't ask again."

There is no concept of arriving on time. If I want to start a party at 7:00p, I have to tell my wife's relatives to be there at 6:00p or even 5:00p!

If you don't eat the food, then your host has every right to be miffed off at you for being "suplado" (too proud).

My wife does not play any head games (like so many American women); instead, when she wants something, she will explain the need and ask! I know ... I'm still not entirely used to it ... a woman that asks for what she wants and accepts 'no' for an answer.

My wife is the greatest! She's getting diamonds for Christmas ... small diamonds, but diamonds nonetheless!

My wife is a Filipina, and we met through a pen pal service. We have been married 15 years, and have 4 children (one of them an aspie). I'm not aspie myself, but would be considered borderline. I could never find a woman I was compatible with here in America. I met her through a pen pal service in a round about way. I was writing back and forth with someone else, and when I went to visit her, I found out this person was not really who she said she was. I got discouraged, but quite by accident met my wife while I was there, through her brother.

In our 15 years of marriage, we have never had a big argument, simple disagreements every now and then, but nothing major.

Believe it or not, I had never even dated a woman until I met this lady. I was always so painfully shy around women, and I could never bear to ask one out. When I met her, there was no shyness. It was amazing. I am lucky I guess. It really worked out for me. We know lots of other Filipino/American couples that are also very happy. Obviously, we also know some that have not worked out. My wife's sister is also married to an American, and they have been married 6 years and are happy too - and have one child.

I might add that we are both Catholic, and that has helped a lot with our child rearing. Our kids are in Catholic schools too. The Catholic faith is a big part of Filipino culture, and I came from a conservative Catholic American family.

Do I recommend it? It worked great for me!!

I am a Filipina! I signed up here in WP because my boyfriend is an Aspie. We have not had any serious problem/argument yet but I still want to understand more about Aspie because I love love love him so much.

If you wanna meet/date any particular race going through the route of Mail-Order bride is so the wrong way to do it. I just never believed in that concept because it always has a hidden agenda. Specially if you're an Aspie, you need someone who's understanding, loving and has patience.

People from the Philippines are known for their hospitality and sometimes they are too damn nice. The women who grew up in Manila tend to have a more modern view on dating but still I'd say conservative compared to the Western culture. Now the Filipinas from the provinces are generally conservative, they tend to favor courtship the old fashion way. You won't have trouble with language because English is widely spoken.

For starters, you can visit the country for travel, see and experience the culture for yourself and go from there. If you like it then well good. Just be aware of those you think who might try to abuse you as stated from the bad experiences of the previous posters. I have many friends who had successful interracial marriages most of them did meet in a normal setting,( ie not through mail order brides/pen pal service).

This is so true for a culture that so family-oriented that even your aunts/uncles have an opinion on your relationship. Unfortunately you can't choose your relatives. My take is on this that, I don't care with their opinions. Because they're not the ones involved in the relationship. They're not the one who is going to make it work.

You should find a woman who is educated and can earn a living for herself and not dependent on you for financial matters. I hate to admit it but some Filipinos think if they can marry some Westerner they are financially settled for life Most importantly go for someone who can understand you being an Aspie.

I do feel your loneliness, because my bf have gone through the same experience of difficulty in dating women or finding love, companionship etc. He has been very good to me and has not yet shown any "meltdowns" Aspies talk about. But I'm preparing myself for it and extend support, patience and unconditional love.

Filipinos are mixed of four cultural heritages namely:

---------------------

I almost forgot I am a pure Filipino

thanks for reminding anywayz

Hmmm, not true, most of the Philippine women I met online were either solo webcam strippers or elegant beggars , I so often met a Philippine girl on yahoo telling something like : "you're kind, my mother is sick, can you send me some money?".

I remember being this close to marrying a girl I met online from the Philippines. I was expected to talk to her nonstop, in the end, I got worn out and called it off. Not exactly the good guy here, but that's my experience.

I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, there are some who do that, and it's not limited to the Philippines alone. But of course, not everyone is like what you've encountered, which is an unlucky case.

Either way, it gives me a lot of confidence knowing I can basically buy a wife if I don't succeed over here.

I've known a lot of American men who married Filipinas--off hand, I can only think of one American woman who married a Filipino man.

Some of them were PenPals. I guess they felt that they were too busy in their jobs to court American women, and would use their 2-week vacation to go to the Philippines and get married. People in the USA tend to take their careers far too seriously.

One of them I know went and married his Penpal's sister rather than his penpal. Kind of funny.

I call it a phenomenal Filipina social case, it was too common to be just "unlucky".

From the CIA's World Factbook:

https://www.cia.gov/library/publication ... os/rp.html




Of course, the CIA has a reputation for lying, but, if you are looking for a woman who is at least 65, then you may have an enormous advantage in the Philippines.

como estas?

i just read 40% of filippino language is spanish

Yeah there are many Spanish words in Tagalog, thanks to the 333 years of Spanish rule of the Philippines.
So you could easily expect to find people with Spanish heritage in the Philippines. The Mexican heritage I think is kinda rare; I'm surprised it's even mentioned but I suppose it's possible from the old galleon trade routes. Spanish is the big one, along with Chinese and to a much lesser extent American or non-Spanish European.