i'm finally ok with being single

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after years of beating my head against a wall and trying to find a girlfriend i've finally reached a point where i'm ok being single. I tried multiple dating sites and tried meeting girls in real life and it just led to frustration. After watching lots of people i've come to realize something.....Relationships just happen.... They happen naturally/organically and trying rarely factors in... They just happen. I've seen so many people meet lovers through sheer chance that I can't ignore it. So i'm going to quit trying and just let the chips fall where they may. If i'm mean't to have a woman i'll meet her when the time is right. If I don't? I'm ok with that too.. i've got my friends,family, and my special interests Now if I can only get NTs to leave me alone and stop giving me unsolicited advice i'll be golden. :p

I love posts like this one. You have seen the top of the mountain and it is good.

I'm not going to give you advice that's going to guarantee that you're going to go out there and instantly find success in dating/relationships. The only advice I'm going to give you is to try to play a more active part in influencing where those chips fall.

Yes, you are absolutely right. Relationships "just happen." So what you want to do is position yourself in the most favorable way for something to "just happen."

The first step is to get to know people, and lots of them. The more people you know, the more of a "spread" you have for your chips to fall, and the more likely they're going to fall on one or, preferable, more people you can date. The frustration a lot of people have in getting dates is that the odds are inherently against them. My contention is that out of 100 people, there's at least one who you can get a date with. The more you ask people out, the closer you get to finding that one person, the higher the odds you'll get a date. Realistically, the odds aren't that bad--but we can't pretend to know what those actually are, so it's safer to be pessimistic about it.

What I tell people to do is to start by casually meeting people, and don't be picky. Look who hangs out in the same kinds of places you do. Work up to just saying hello. Then get names and fun facts about them. Every time you see those people, remember those things and other things that they're interested in and ask about it. Give yourself a 5 minute time limit on these things. If they're still hanging out after 5 minutes, say "Hey, I gotta go. But I'd really enjoy continuing this over lunch/happy hour/dinner/coffee/etc. You wanna meet up at [place/time]?" It's an informal date, but a date's a date as far as I'm concerned. You just took a 5 minute investment in another person and got a 1200% return on it.

When you get there, focus on your friend's interests. Ask questions, keep comments short, and keep her talking. If you have no idea what she's talking about, ask her to explain. Don't talk about yourself until asked, and even then stick to something related to her interests. At your 10 minute warning, exchange email/phone/social networking info. At the 5 minute warning, start wrapping things up, say you enjoyed hanging out, express you look forward to the next time, you'll be in touch, etc. And if you really like how things went, see if you can do it again same time/place, or if there's something she'd rather do. Do this 2 or 3 times and work up to weekend date-dates--bars, clubs, restaurants, skating, bowling, batting cages, mini-golf, beach, or whatever.

Little things like this over time will make it more likely that things will "just happen" because you're putting yourself at the right places/times when/where they do.

Do NOT limit yourself to one person. Do this with everyone you meet. If you're shy like me, make it a goal to do this up to twice a week and try to meet 100 people you can stay in regular contact with. Don't let your emotions get in the way. Some of those will pair up with someone else, you'll get the lion's share of rejections, you'll feel extremely attracted and feel attached to some early on. Don't let that distract you. It's easy to "fall for" someone you first meet if you're not used to doing this kind of thing. But just because you fall for someone doesn't mean they're going to feel the same way towards you. You must absolutely stay the course until it is obvious you have someone who is strongly attracted to you. Do it right, and it won't just be one person. When you find you're pretty much ONLY seeing the same 3 or 4 people, THEN go with your emotions. You're pretty much guaranteed to get into an exclusive relationship with someone at this point.

Commit to being single for a year and building your dating pool through casual acquaintances. It always starts out very easy to do at first. I don't honestly believe you'll make it an entire year, but TRY to do it. We're just built to pair up with each other, which is why it's difficult to avoid in the long run. Like you said, it "just happens." For the chips to fall where you want, you have to tip the balance only slightly in your favor. Doesn't require that much effort…just requires you to show an active interest in everyone else.

Best of luck. Keep us updated on how you're doing!

I don't think its so much that you're ok with it rather than you've accepted defeat....but thats only coming from personal experience.

And I agree, relationships do just happen. I don't believe in a society that thinks it can shop online for a significant other much as it would a record or a book.

Same with you, I became "ok" with being single and to be perfectly honest: I was HAPPY. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and was able to get back in to things that I had put off for so many years and just allow myself to focus on those interests and activities.

And most recently, as I had posted a week ago, I met a girl at work that I think could quite possibly end up being someone I could spend a large amount of my time with. Though I have days where I think its going nowhere, I think for the most part things are going well, its just going very...........very.........slow. But mountains aren't formed over night. They take time to build, just as any relationship does.

So good for you Focus on the things that make you happy in life. You'll never find anyone moping around all of the time. Girls want to be around a guy who is confident in his abilities and his self. Focus on yourself and you'll find someone who will be focused on you too someday.

When I decided to stop trying to find a relationship and just play the field and be happy, thats when I met my husband. I met plenty of guys to date but they were either real duds or we didn't have that romance chemistry even though we got along. I was sick of it and decided to just play the field and enjoy being single and go out when I wanted to and with who I wanted to. Within about a month of that I met my husband and started seeing him. That went slow though. But it was right.

I think when you are really looking for that one person that you kind of give off a desperate vibe. When you stop trying so hard you dont give it off. Nobody wants a desperate person, so even without saying anything I probably ruined those dates.