I told a guy I like him....

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I recently let a guy I like know that I have a crush on him. His reply?

"I'm flattered. But I don't think I'm right for you. At least not till God really changes me."

What does this mean?

I also asked him what may be making me such a turnoff to guys. This was his reply:

"Ok. I'm not exactly very social myself. Sometimes you seem to talk to much. I'm cool with it because I don't like to talk a lot. But with others I can tell it bothers them. I don't want to hurt your feelings be I can see that being annoying."

Is it such a bad thing that I "seem to talk too much?" I've been bullied at school years ago because of the same thing. I used to be told I that I talk too much and no one wants to hear me speak.

So.... What is your opinion on this?

Sigh, I like this guy's courage for being so bluntly honest with you, I wish if all those who reject are that honest.

Yeah, talking too much about some interest or subject, without being aware that others don't care about it, is a pretty known and common autistic thing.

He was beating around the bush until I emphasized that I don't get this social stuff and I nees him to be honest with me.

Yes, I know that all too well, but it's not only just my interests. I tend to talk a lot during certain social gatherings to connect with people. I try to talk about more interesting things rather than my boring 'ol interests.

The solution to this?

Well, after like 3 decades having this problem, this how I finally dealing with it when I am in a social setting/occasion among normal people:
- I stopped initiating subjects altogether, I may just contribute in what others say and go with the flow, and I limit my contribution to little.
- Even by going with the flow, I don't initiate a related subject.
- I don't go encyclopedia mode anymore, I don't recite something I've read in some book or source, I leave that to online discussions only.
- If someone says something stupid, like something scientifically wrong, I don't correct him/her, I just swallow it silently and leave him/her in his/her ignorance, I avoided plenty of pointless clashes with religious people by doing that.
- I keep self control on the amount of what I talk about anything.


And I think this what you should start doing if you want to fit in and become more 'likable'.

Not everybody is meant for everybody.

Just find somebody who delights in a girl who talks a lot. That's my feeling on this. Sometimes, I find it cute when a girl talk a lot.

As long as you let the guy have words in edgewise! LOL

I don't see anything wrong with a person who speaks quite a bit (as long as there's substance to what he/she says, and not some nonsense).

Find somebody who has similar interests as you, and doesn't mind somebody who speaks a lot.

I happen to like girls who talk alot cuz I'm quiet & rather listen but not all quiet guys are like that. I'm sure there's others out there like that thou & it's just a matter of finding a guy who likes that.

I can relate. I talk WAY too much.

I had nightmares about it last night.

I was talking to people in my dream, and they told me, "Cool Story Bro! Would you tell me it again?! LOL!"

Which is sarcasm meaning, "We don't give a **** what you're talking about, and you are a fool."

No one cares about what I talk about, they just think I'm annoying. It hurts me a lot.

I am just trying to be friendly with people.

I wish I could just shut up. But, it's hard to. I don't know how to get others to talk to me.

I ramble, and they say nothing!

This all started when I started using the Internet to talk with people, when I was 17 years old.

I just ramble about random interests I have hoping that the person receiving my words will respond and reciprocate.

Most of the time, people just tell me I should write a book, and they do not speak a word of what I was just saying.

Sometimes I get a few people here and there that want to talk to me a little, but then they move on.

No one wants to stay my friend. It's always brief and heart breaking.

From what I've seen from your posts, goofygoobers, you don't ramble anywhere near as much as I do.

In fact, most of your posts seem really brief.

I don't really see anyone here ramble as much as I do. It's kinda rare, even here.

But, maybe you're different in person? In person I'm actually extremely quiet 99.99% of the time.

People always told me when I was a kid (4 years old through 17 years old) that I'm too quiet, that I need to talk more.

Well, I'm trying to talk more, but no one likes that either.

I just ramble a lot through text. The Internet does that to me for some reason. I'm not sure why.

I wish I could just be accepted by people without having to suppress my personality for them.

I'm not even sure how to suppress my personality for them. What do I do? How do I please them?

I don't understand.

I wish I could help you out, goofygoobers, but from what you say here, we have the same problem here, and I don't know how to fix it.

I wish I could just get rid of my desire to be with people. Sometimes I am able to do this.

But, the loneliness always comes back like a bad disease that comes and goes.

Man, I wish I could find someone who actually wants to hear what I have to say.

For me, reaching out to people is like reaching out to grab the moon.

The moon, right there in my vision, but I can't touch it.

It's so rare for me to meet new people.

And, every time I do meet new people, they're not interested in me.

Life for me is like being a starving rabbit with a carrot tied to a stick that is attached to my head. I never get to eat.

It's a nice way of saying he's not interested in you.

Sometimes its harder to see what you do wrong when you're in your own eyes. (this is the case with everyone) Sometimes in order to get better clarity about your personality and what you're doing wrong is to watch yourself from the eyes of another person. Now unless you can switch bodies with another person, the only way to do this is through a video of you being taped. If someone were to secretly video tape you doing social interaction with other people then showed you the video afterwards, you might uncover some things you never realized you did.


This is just an example. Lets just say you lose a game of ping pong and you throw a tantrum and throw the paddle, you may not think of it as a big deal from your own eyes. But if you were to watch yourself throw a tantrum and throw a paddle from the eyes of another person or camera, you would be like "what the hell was I thinking? I look like a spoiled crybaby"

You and the OP may have the same issue. It sounds like you are giving out information, rather than holding a conversation. You are expecting the other person to respond, but to what? Have you asked them a question? Have you phrased your words in a way that invites a back and forth dialogue?

"Talking too much" may mean a little more than just saying too many words. It can mean that you say too many words without giving the other person a chance to cut in, or saying too many words about one topic without realising the other person is not interested / doesn't understand you, or saying too many words in a way that does not invite a response.

If you say a smaller amount about a topic and you don't get a positive response, that is generally not an invitation to keep going. So don't. Ask a question instead, or say something that steers the conversation to a more mutual platform, where you both have something to contribute.

My main point is just that it's probably not the fact that you talk a lot that is the problem, OP, but that the content and conversation style may be difficult for the other person to work with to have a good dialogue (as opposed to a monologue). And yes, that would be a turn off for many people, and something worth improving, IMO.

But the thing is that I DO let other people talk, I DO try to ask questions, and I DO try to stay on more interesting topics. And I'm not talking literally all the time either. There's times when I can be quiet if it's necessary, but in social gatherings, talking is allowed. You also have to remember that sometimes I'm ANSWERING someone's question.

LOL...you and Cool Story Bro should get together!

You'd complement each other!

Cool Story Bro is a creative writer. And he's really trying hard, not giving up.

yah maybe that's what you all need. Is to find someone online who has similar background and interests since talking face to face can be difficult for many of us. Nothing wrong with online dating. Plus if you've never dated before, it gives you some experience.