Go with my instinct or give me advice?

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Outrider
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07 Mar 2015, 9:41 am

I'm a 16 year old guy and like this other girl my age.

Things have been going very well with her.

Basically, my feelings began Tuesday just two weeks ago.

In that time she is reading through the story I am working on (she is a writer and loves to review other stories) and we have even had conversations about other things and she gave me her story and she recently added me on Facebook.

I am not always the one to initiate there have been times where she has spoken to me first sometimes she has even caught ME by surprise and i have needed to react to it. For the first time Friday we hung out at lunch i went to see her at her usual spot in the library.

Anyway...my plan was to ask her out on Wednesday. There is a perfect time I can ask her out. In the middle of the school day we have to return our bags to a certain classroom we are very likely to cross paths and it will be just me and her. I might even walk with her to the next classroom and ask her then. Either way it is unlikely we will be interrupted.

I was just going to ask her to get a coffee, where we can both sit down and talk about our stories or anything else. If she asks 'are you asking me out on a date' i will be honest and say that yes i am, because I am interested in getting to know her better and maybe want to end up being friends 'or something'. If she says no I will calmly say 'that's alright. Maybe some other time then, yeah.'

Is this all okay?

Or do you have any sort of advice that would help me?

Am I rushing things by asking her out Wednesday? Is the time right? Is there any other things I should do first (I was thinking of seeing her again Monday maybe to hang out at the break).

Some have given the advice of breaking the 'touch barrier' first - as in, begin touching them lightly to communicate some sort of attraction. I was thinking of something to do with the shoulder...maybe lightly put my and on her shoulder quickly and a thumbs up, so quick before it is really noticed...



BetwixtBetween
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07 Mar 2015, 10:06 am

That all sounds great! I wish you the best of luck, though with that script, I don't think you'll need it. Please tell us all how it goes.



SilverStar
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07 Mar 2015, 12:20 pm

Outrider wrote:

I was just going to ask her to get a coffee, where we can both sit down and talk about our stories or anything else. If she asks 'are you asking me out on a date' i will be honest and say that yes i am, because I am interested in getting to know her better and maybe want to end up being friends 'or something'. If she says no I will calmly say 'that's alright. Maybe some other time then, yeah.'


Just keep it light and simple. Women usually don't like to be pressured. If she does want to know if you are asking her on a date, just respond with a smile and say "why, do you want me to?" This will take a lot of the pressure off you, and let you know how she feels about you.



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07 Mar 2015, 12:27 pm

Sounds like you're doing fine - which is generally a sign that it stands a chance of working out between the two of you. As SilverStar rightly says, just keep it simple and natural. You've already established a connection with your shared interest in writing, which is very useful because stories are a way to express your feelings in an indirect way that aren't aimed at her.

Good luck, and keep us posted.



Outrider
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07 Mar 2015, 9:12 pm

SilverStar wrote:
Outrider wrote:

I was just going to ask her to get a coffee, where we can both sit down and talk about our stories or anything else. If she asks 'are you asking me out on a date' i will be honest and say that yes i am, because I am interested in getting to know her better and maybe want to end up being friends 'or something'. If she says no I will calmly say 'that's alright. Maybe some other time then, yeah.'


Just keep it light and simple. Women usually don't like to be pressured. If she does want to know if you are asking her on a date, just respond with a smile and say "why, do you want me to?" This will take a lot of the pressure off you, and let you know how she feels about you.


Thank you very much for that. :)



Outrider
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07 Mar 2015, 9:13 pm

Hyperborean wrote:
Sounds like you're doing fine - which is generally a sign that it stands a chance of working out between the two of you. As SilverStar rightly says, just keep it simple and natural. You've already established a connection with your shared interest in writing, which is very useful because stories are a way to express your feelings in an indirect way that aren't aimed at her.

Good luck, and keep us posted.


I agree, thank you. :)



Outrider
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08 Mar 2015, 4:52 am

It's just, I was told it's more 'confident' to be honest about what you want.

I was going to just say that, yes, yes i am asking her out and give my reasons as to why.

Saying 'why would you want me to?' does remove all the pressure off her, but at the same time avoids me revealing what I want from her (and she may just assume friendship).

But I do see where you are going with that and agree it is a good idea.



rdos
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08 Mar 2015, 5:05 am

I would enjoy the situation as long as possible before getting to the next stage. I don't know why you are in such a hurry. :wink:



Outrider
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08 Mar 2015, 6:15 am

rdos wrote:
I would enjoy the situation as long as possible before getting to the next stage. I don't know why you are in such a hurry. :wink:


I'm wanting to avoid the so-called 'friendzone'. I don't personally believe in it, but still accept the reality that wait too long and I might only be seen as a friend by her.

Hm..

If im going to hold it off a bit longer i need to start getting flirty with her, but I'm not sure how to execute it well...



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08 Mar 2015, 6:25 am

'Getting flirty' is a subtle and often delicate process that other people here won't really be able to give you any concrete advice about, it depends very much on the individual, their personality, the local culture, etc ... What maybe be harmless flirting in one context might come across as crass in another. No one else on WP knows this girl, so I personally would hesitate to make any suggestions - except to say that you need to get to know her personality a bit more before you enter the realm of sexual innuendo.
Flirting is great fun, but when it goes wrong it can kill the chance of a more serious relationship (assuming that's what you want).



kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2015, 6:37 am

Just ask her out for the coffee. If she asks if it's a date, say "perhaps" with a little wink. Don't allude to the fact that it's a date if she doesn't allude to it.


Don't "flirt" if you don't feel like it---otherwise, it will seem phony.



Rossum
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08 Mar 2015, 6:45 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Just ask her out for the coffee. If she asks if it's a date, say "perhaps" with a little wink. Don't allude to the fact that it's a date if she doesn't allude to it.


Don't "flirt" if you don't feel like it---otherwise, it will seem phony.




This is really good advice!

Keep it simple and you won't go wrong.



rdos
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08 Mar 2015, 6:55 am

Outrider wrote:
rdos wrote:
I would enjoy the situation as long as possible before getting to the next stage. I don't know why you are in such a hurry. :wink:


I'm wanting to avoid the so-called 'friendzone'. I don't personally believe in it, but still accept the reality that wait too long and I might only be seen as a friend by her.


Can't give you any advice in regards to that unless I observed the two of you IRL. If she is the type of girl that friendzones guys, you probably should avoid that, but otherwise it's better to just enjoy it for a while.

Outrider wrote:
If im going to hold it off a bit longer i need to start getting flirty with her, but I'm not sure how to execute it well...


I think you are doing well enough just trying (and succeeding) in meeting her regularly. That is a type of flirting. No need to exaggerate beyond that.



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10 Mar 2015, 12:41 am

Alright, the day is nearing (it's tuesday now where i live want to ask her out tomorrow) so I need to get this sorted out.

Thank you everyone for the help, advice and tips but i will need to arrange all your points into just a few sentences to say to her.

So, basically:

1. Wednesday is probably the only time I can speak to her completely alone without intereference from friends/others.
At my school there will be assembly. After lunch you must return your bags to form/home room then walk to assembly. We often cross paths at this time (she's in same homeroom) and she is most likely to be by herself.

If that doesn't work out i have one other opportunity when we are walking from assembly back to homeroom to get our stuff again. So basically this is my best chance of asking her out without interference, and if i dont do it then i may have to wait yet another week.

2. So, taking this into consideration: Is it still too early to ask her out? I started liking her 3 weeks ago today and in that time have talked to her, developed a bit of a 'friendship', etc. Or should I wait ONE more WEEK.

3. When I actually ask her out, just what DO I say? Please read the other replies and take them into account.

Basically I have a few ideas. Strike up a conversation with her than mid-conversation:

"Can I ask you a question? I noticed we barely have anytime to talk about our stories. I mean it's mainly mine but I want to talk about your stories as well. (pause, looks her directly in the eyes) I was wondering if I could buy you a coffee sometime, say Tuesday afternoon at 5pm. Maybe we could meet somewhere downtown, sit down, have a nice chat. What do you say?"

If she asks me "Are you asking me out?" I will: "(look her in the eyes, smile slightly) Maybe, (wink). Why, do you want me to?"

Then we'll just have to see what happens.

Please offer any last guidance or advice if you disagree with anything...Thank you all as this has made me rethink my plans and hopefully succeed...



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11 Mar 2015, 6:51 am

I personally think asking sooner is better than asking later. *IF* she is interested in you, the longer you wait the more she will think you are not interested in her.

Keep it casual. The way you have worded things above make it seem it is definitely a date and you are interested in more than her stories. You could say something like, "Hey, I was wondering if you might want to meet for coffee sometime. I want to hear more of your stories. I'm free Tuesday around 5. Would you like that?"



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13 Mar 2015, 12:24 am

Just keep it simple. Ask her what she is doing such and such time, if she is free, ask her if she would like to go get a cup of coffee with you.