Just when I thought I had a relationship..

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So there was this girl who I met at the bus stop last summer. I kind of awkwardly introduced myself to her, and I tried to get a conversation going because both of us were wearing an 'Om' necklace, a hindu symbol. I found out she works at Whole Foods market, which explains her interest in the hinduism because that work place attracts that sort of demographic. I then realized she also works in the coffee/cheese department and I would get coffee from her every day while I'm waiting for the bus that takes me to my work place to arrive.

So from there, we crossed paths on OkCupid. I found out after she visited my profile one time, I then sent her a message saying "Hey, you seem familiar, how are you? haha". She didn't reply until months later. During that time, we had interesting interactions when I got coffee from her, making eye contact, and she waved to me whenever she saw me. It became a very fun mystery game.

Then eventually we started talking, she hit me up on OkCupid, and our conversation really took off after I told her she made my day for the coffee she made me the other day. So everything went well, and we had over 200 LONG essay messages back and forth, and seemed like we were both really hitting it off.

One night I asked her to meet up at the bar, because my friend was bringing me there, and her friend wanted to go out that night too. So we met up, the date went very well, and we ended up making out a lot and holding each other passionately right in the bar. I was very disappointed when we had to part because my friend wanted to leave. Neither me or the girl have cars, so she couldn't come spend the night at my apartment to continue the date.

Anyway, she was still texting me the days after, we were very lovey dovey and it got pretty emotional with comments like "All I wanna do is spend a whole day in bed with you talking" and "Every time I close my eyes I see your face, I really like being with you" and when I apologized for not being able to do much to make us see each other for not having a car she said "I'm fine for now, I have faith we'll meet again".

Then as the next two months went on, our communication was strictly text messaging. I would still occasionally see her at work and say "hi" but I would keep it casual. Even then, I got nervous, and it didn't seem as special as it was that night, but It could also have been because she was working. I did not want to display intimacy or distract her from work. I would come by and say "hi" when I saw her working, sort of jokingly saying "So cutting the cheese again like usual?" while she was at work and then left. I kept it short, and did not try and have a conversation with her.

However, our conversations through text began to die. She seemed a lot less invested in talking. The last real conversation we had I was texting her while she was celebrating her best friends birthday, and she was saying that the drinking was making her really depressed. So I told her I was there for her if she wanted to talk. She then progressed to say things like "I just wanna be held is all Im feeling like an emo kid right now like I was in high school", and I was trying to be comforting saying things like "You'd have mine if I was there " (kind of flirtatious maybe this was bad) and then just simply telling her I was there for me and she responded with a "Thanks hun<3" and texted me later that she was feeling better after I fell asleep.

Other then quick casual little interactions while she was working, we did not really talk much anymore. At this point she has gone cold on me, it has been 3 months since we had a real conversation. I sent her a "Merry Christmas hun" text and a "Happy New Years" and they got no response. I then tried reaching out to her again a few weeks later just by saying "Hey, how are you", "Poke", "Hey (her name) i hope you are well" 3 different days in a row just to see if it would get a response, but still, nothing. It seems the only conclusion is that she is now ignoring me, and now longer wants to talk or have any kind of relationship.

Its really f*****g with me, I am upset it went from how it was to this because it was the only date I had in like 2-3 years, and she was also the hottest girl I've made out with that wasn't some slobby girl on molly from a rave.

I feel like this may have been due to my awkwardness, nervousness about the situation, or maybe the way I handled a situation or something I said killed her image of me that she had. I am 24, I do not have AS, but I do have an Autism Spectrum Disorder illness, though I feel like I've pretty much adjusted to be a normal adult aside from some anxiety problems. Sometimes it sneaks up on me. So if my disorder did somehow turn her off, it could have been anything.

This really sucks. I need some advice. I came on here to reach out to the WP community for some help on dealing with this situation and maybe someone on here can give me a good analysis of what happened, and if it was me, how can I learn so that I don't repeat this mistake when/if I meet a girl that smoking hot again.

So you had a hot date with her and then didn't go out with her again for 2 months? No wonder she lost interest. I'd say most women are interested in interacting with people in real life, not texting. I think you should have made it a point to go out with her again after that date. Arrange it somehow, even if you don't have a car.

Also I have no idea what an autism spectrum disorder "illness" is.

You missed the window of opportunity that was obviously there for you to take. You two were into eachother. But then seeing that you weren't backing up with plans to see her may have likely resulted in her exploring her options. I don't think her drinking was the issue when she told you she was sad, she was communicating with you in a very indirect way that she was not pleased that you were not making enough of an effort to come see you (ie. "I just want to be held" was her way of asking you to come see her). She probably felt as if you were wasting her time.

You're going to have to chalk this up as a loss and move on. That is the learning experience here. The best thing to do next time you have an opportunity like this with a girl you may be interested in is to make time to get together and make it more clear of your interest by action as well. Texts only take you so far.

Don't make the same rookie mistakes I did. If you are romantically interested in a girl, do not become a texting buddy. It makes the in person meetings very awkward because it provides a false sense of intimacy. My latest date does not text at all and it has been the single most successful one so far. Coincidence? I think not!

I usually only communicate via text or email for about 3-4 days max then ask to meet up. If they hesitate, I will immediately cut them off unless they have a valid reason or I sense they are extremely shy. Either way, I have done long term texting far too often and it ALWAYS results in a flake with no exceptions.

Yes, I have to agree with everyone that she probably felt you withdraw from her. To her it seemed like you were giving her the cold shoulder by not flirting with her or making any plans to hang out again. So she moved on. I had something similar happen to me in the past and I was upset about it for weeks, but I regarded it as an important lesson in dating to not leave the person I'm interested in hanging.

I didn't completely withdraw from her. I DID stop by and say "hi" to her at work. I sort of kept it casual though. One time I saw her she was busy dealing with this as*hole who made a huge order and bought my coffee around to me I said "thanks" no "hun" or signs of affection. Then I saw her working behind the line one time and I just quickly came by and said "hey, so cutting the these again?" and she just said "always". It seemed awkward, maybe she just didn't know what to say any better then that, but I just went on my way after that, she was in the middle of working and around a supervisor so I didn't wanna distract her or get her in trouble for talking while working. Then on New Years Eve, I saw her running around doing stuff, I was in line for a coffee to grab one on my way to work. I don't think she saw me, or maybe she did and just cold shouldered me. I texted her the next day saying "Happy New Years, hope you had a good one after that hellish day at work" and there was no response.

I just wasn't sure what the vibe was. Also my hours were cut, and she knew that, so I wasn't in the area so much. I was having some money probs back in December, and I assumed she was swamped in work because of Holidays. I am good on money now, but she seems to reject any attempt I use to reach out to her.

I kind of agree with the texting buddy though. It was tough though since neither of us have cars. I guess I didnt get the vibe I was expected to arrange us to hang out somehow. Although I HAVE invited her and her friend to come over to my apartment, her friend has a car. If she wanted to she could have hit me up to see what I'm up to and if she could come through. I have a female friend who hits me up to come over every once in awhile just to hang out and smoke who has no romantic interest in me.

Yeah, you didn't just miss the bus, you were standing right at the stop and let it leave. She needed a more active sign of further interest than texting and casual office 'hello'es.

Money was an issue for a month, so I couldn't. I can afford a date now, but shes gone cold on me since before new years.

This is really f*****g with me because I feel like Im not good looking enough or have what it takes to pull this off again. She was hot, and I got lucky.

Also I couldn't really read the signs. We were texting back and forth a lot, and when she didn't reply I waited before texting again so that I didn't come off as obsessive. I waited a day or two, then after that I wouldnt text again until I had something more then "hey, how are you?" to say. Idunno, I guess you guys are right, I guess Im just bad at reading women's body language. It was also the wrong time. If I had a car, and things were a little different, I would definitely have tried to meet up with her or even pick her up to watch a movie with me.