What is wrong with my girlfriend?

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I have a girlfriend my age, and I have told her countless times about my Asperger's. I usually don't like being touched, and sometimes I get distracted when she's talking about something I'm not interested in. I can get overwhelmed by work and paying rent, and have a meltdown every now and then. I have periods where I get real quiet or am in emotional pain. And yet, she seems even more oblivious than I am.

She constantly touches me, laying her head on my legs and grabbing my toes. I have told her repeatedly not to do that and she ignores my wishes. She yells at me a lot, usually about my being distracted or not finding her jokes funny. I pay for all of the rent and the groceries, and she get angry when I buy food she doesn't like. I also tend to skimp on food since I don't really eat much, and besides, I'm at work all day, and she'll eat a dozen bowls of ramen a day.

I'm at my wits end, but I don't wanna kick her out onto the streets. What is wrong with her? Maybe she has Asperger's too and I'm just being rude to an undiagnosed bretheren? Please advise

I don' think she is oblivious at all. What I think is that you two are not doing a good job at communicating with eachother, and obviously have a hard time understanding eachother.

You're not listening to her, and that is why she is yelling at you. She has needs to be met and that is probably why she is trying to get affectionate with you and you don't compromise because you doing like being touched. You need to listen to her. Best way to do it is to try and get some time with her when both of you are calm and relaxed to hash out your problems.

You will need to somehow explain to her your desire for alone time and at least communicate to her as best as you can when you need this alone time. She may be taking this the wrong way as well and will need help in understanding why.

It's sounds to me like she inconsiderate & self-centered.

Let's break this down, shall we?

Do you actually CARE about this girl? Are you at all interested in her? Do you actually WANT a girlfriend?

I'm not saying she's perfect, I'm not saying she doesn't have fault. I'm not saying she doesn't have issues to deal with. I'm not saying she shouldn't take your wishes wishes into consideration. This isn't about me picking her side over yours.

But you do seem terribly preoccupied with your own interests and needs over hers. My special interest is all things music, and lately I spend most of my time working on my own music, and I've had to sacrifice family time and meaningful talks with my wife because of gigs, editing and mixing, engaging with others on G+ and Youtube, etc. My wife works at a bank. I have no interest in the banking business, especially when it comes to what it takes to be a head teller. The personal lives of her co-workers and the insanity of her customers doesn't impact my day the least little bit.

HOWEVER, I ask about how so-and-so and her husband are getting along, how the other person's daughter is doing in boarding school, if crazy lady customer A or B dropped by and what hijinks they're trying to pull NOW, or if anyone tried to pass bad checks or counterfeit bills. Not because it makes my day any brighter, but because it shows her that I'm interested in HER and how her day went. I ask about specific people and things because that shows her that I paid attention and remembered what she told me. It shows I care. Doesn't matter if it impacts me or not. Those are things SHE'S interested in. Those are things that impact HER life. And because I care about her, those things impact me by extension.

If you really care about this person, you need to learn how to deal with certain things, like physical affection and so on. If you're providing her with food, i.e. she's depending on you for food, you need to get her some things that she likes. What matters is what she wants, not what you want.

And be honest, here. Do you REALLY care about her, or do you just THINK you do? You need the real answer, not the I'm-just-saying-what-I-think-I'm-supposed-to-say answer. If you actually care about her, you can fix this. You'll make some changes, take interest, and pay attention because you WANT to.

If you are unable to make those changes, why not? Has nothing to do with being neurodiverse. Any time you want something bad enough, you'll do what it takes to get it. It is difficult to desire a girl who acts like a parasite eating a dozen bowls of (I'm assuming) your ramen every day. It's difficult to desire a girl who yells at you (for any reason, whether you deserve it or not). It's difficult to desire a girl who insists on touching you after you tell her to stop. If you don't really care about her, there might be a good reason why you don't care. If this isn't going to work, you should NOT continue the relationship. This has nothing to do with you getting a bum deal for putting up with her. You're doing her a lot of harm by keeping her around when there's no future.

You pay all the rent? And you two are co-habitating? See…this right here is why co-habitation is a terrible idea. *sigh* OK, if you need to get rid of her and don't want to kick her out onto the streets, here's the smoothest thing I can think of to get it done: Take the initiative, find a new place, and move out. Set aside enough money for the last two months in your contract and the first two months in your new place. That way, she knows she has some time to make new arrangements. Once that's done, she's someone else's problem.

That might sound mean and heartless, but what exactly can we do here? And what can I say? Life sucks, then you die. Breakups suck worse than life, which leaves you struggling with how to handle this like a gentleman. If she has nowhere to go, the least you can do is give her some kind of margin. Never let anyone guilt you into staying in the relationship.

On the touching thing my wife has been doing that to me for the last 25 years. What I try to do is turn onto my least sensitive side to reduce the sensation. As to why she does it, I guess it is done to produce a reaction from me, which she doesn't get in everyday situations like when she tells a jokes, or makes general conversation. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with your girlfriend, so I would just adopt self protection mechanisms such as have a sheet or blanket between you and your girlfriend when you are lying together in bed. If you try to change your girlfriend you are putting your relationship into jeopardy, so I wouldn't do that if I were you. You wouldn't like it if your girlfriend tried to change you. Your girlfriend seems perfectly normal to me so just accept her for the way she is.

First of all, sorry about my whining. My internet went out yesterday and I was in a sour mood.

This is something I've had issues with my whole life, and I realize no one can help me. The issue is, I can't tell if I like her, or I only think the feeling I have is love. Maybe it's lust, maybe its indigestion, I really can't tell

Oh, and the other thing is the relationship. I'm in a polyamorous relationship, and have two other girlfriends. Yes, the current one knows and approves. The others are long-distance at the moment. Also, the current girlfriend is a pre-op male-to-female transsexual, so my situation is weird at best.

But, I will take what you say to heart. We'll talk and see what we can come up with

Maybe she just wants to feel loved bro. Like some physical intimacy.

Aaaaaaah…it makes sense now.

I get it, and I'm afraid your issues are beyond my particular scope. My attitudes towards relationships presuppose a male-female dichotomy and their dynamics along with exclusive relationships. In my view, you don't have a girlfriend…you have a roommate you're allowing to stiff you on rent. Suffice it to say you don't really want my advice.

The only HONEST thing I can offer is simply to look at how relationships work in a very general way. The key to all human relations is understanding and applying the Golden Rule, do more for others than for yourself. Some people liken it to a bank account. You freely give away kindness and respect by doing things on your own initiative. These things tend to accumulate. Sooner or later you're going to find yourself in need. So you simply ask people for some kindness in return. You'll get everything back plus interest. Some people will look at that as making someone indebted to you so that you're ENTITLED to a return on the loan plus interest. That makes people slaves, and people don't like being slaves. So that kind of thing doesn't make anything better. You can't EXPECT anything in return, but rather you hope for it if you were ever to need it. You can usually get your way with other nice people (emphasis on NICE PEOPLE) if you operate that way.

I guarantee that would work with your particular relationship. The reversal of this is that the greatest kindness might actually be letting her go. It's a sad fact of life that doing the hard thing is sometimes what is best for all people involved. Remember, it is not YOUR best interest that is most important here, but rather hers.

I don't care what kind of relationship agreement you have with her, or how many partners you have, the poor woman needs to eat or she'll starve. That is normal human body stuff. I don't know why she's not buying her own food, but if you are the sole earner why don't you give her an allowance and she can go to the shops and get some food. That way the responsibility to remember to buy food isn't on you, it's on her and she can't shout at you about it.

Also, maybe buy her a cookbook. Ramen noodles aren't exactly nutritious. Maybe you could cook together. Find some dishes you both like seeing as you are living together. Find things that you both enjoy.