Nervousness

Post Reply New Topic

Note: I have posted this on another forum, but curious what you group of people on here think.

Confidence and Nervousness

I am trying to analyze why I get nervous when a woman walks by me and what goes through my head when this happens. I wish I knew the thoughts which trigger my nervousness. It seems a lot of it is subconscious. Here are the only bits I can think of.


Thoughts that trigger nervousness.

- I am afraid she will think of me as being ugly. But she could also think that I am handsome. I cannot read minds. There is no way to logically know what she is thinking, so I shouldn’t try to mind read. Even if she thought I was ugly she wont talk to me so nothing bad can happen anyways.
- She will approach me and start a conversation with me and I will have nothing to say or I won’t be able to keep the conversation going. This is a self fulfilling prophecy. If I think I can’t keep the conversation going the conversation will end quickly. This is a result of low self-esteem. I must program myself to believe that I can keep the conversation going and that I do have something to say.


So now I must find stuff to talk about. So the subject that came to my mind would be about her. Subjects would be: Her hobbies, favorite tv shows, favorite restaurants, her job, her education, favorite books, favorite movies. Does she like sports? Does she like to travel? Favorite foods.

These are just some of my thoughts about dealing with nervous feelings. I will add more if more stuff comes to mind.
[/b]

This is not relating to your topic.
This is to tell you I left you a P.M
and how to use the quote system,
if you don't know how?

[/quote] comes after a sentence
is written!

And back to your regulary scheduled
program, Same Bat Station, Same
Bat time"

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

I've had to manually learn some stuff about women, mainly by observing what "cool guys" do and say.

You subject list is good, but it's all too easy to turn that into a "Question List" when talking to a woman. They don't like to feel like they are taking a pop quiz! The best approach is to learn "situational humor." If you can observe something funny, point it out. Women like jokes. Anecdotes are also good, especially if they are relevant to the situation.

Example: I was at a party (*gasp*) and some drunk guys were making a fire from old sofa cushions that someone had vomited on. So there's a cute girl nearby and I tell her "Wow, a throw-up bonfire! How romantic." Then...here's the magic part...I didn't start following her around. I left her alone for a while, and only would say something to her whenever she was nearby and I had a whitty remark to make. I got her number!! ! (I screwed up on the phone call later, but that's another story.)

That might be rather advanced for you, but it's a good example. But by making a plan, you are on the right track. In my case, when I am acting non-nervous it's just that: acting. On the inside I feel like my brain is going to explode!

lowfreq50,

I've done similar tactics on women, and often times I get an initial first impression, but like you I eventually screw it up on the phone somehow. I think the last girl I scared away with my insecurities, but how bout you, what happened on the phone with the girl? Maybe I can give you advice andyou give me advice and we can possibly learn from each other.

I only get nervous with people I personally find attractive.

I wish I would have known you are so nervous when you talk to me.

This rings many bells for me. If there is a kind of nervousness called "fear of being judged" then it is bound to be heightened when it's somebody attractive or popular or powerful.

For me, the trick is to recognise that and accept it, rather than amass an array of strategies to mask it. If there is a positive to be found then maybe it's an opportunity to admit to a certain nervousness. This could show me to be sensitive, or brave, or at least different from the bluffers. And if it isn't successful, so what? I've gained a grain of experience and perhaps confidence for next time.

I've had some weird happenings lately, and I'm more confused tha nervous right now. Well, that's for another time.

Back on topic, I have trouble talking with a girl unless I'm friends with her. I've never even been able to walk up to someone I've never met before and start talking. *shiver* How do you walk up to a cute girl you've never met and just start talking to them? That's always been a mystery to me. Because of this, I'm sorry I can't offer some geniuine advice.

That's pretty much it for me, period.

Thanks for wording itin a better way.

In that example, I called the girl a few days later. She was happy to hear from me and was talkative. We talked about 30-40 minutes. I said "we should get together sometime" and she agreed. Next time I called she didn't answer the phone and I got her voice-mail. She didn't call back. I called on 2 more occassions, and got the same. WEIRD. I might have overdone the cockiness act.