Questions regarding dating

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I have a couple of question. I pretty much have no dating experience and I really have no idea what i'm doing at all.

1. Do you usually go on a date with a girl first before asking her to be your gf or do you just ask a girl to be your gf then go on a date with her?

2. Also how and when is it appropriate to ask for a girls number or email address?

3. And finally, how do you ask a girl out?

I'm sorry but I don't have any answers for you, I am here because you have the same questions that me at 30 still need answers to.

Question number 2, not really sure. I tried it once with a girl that had to basically spell it out for me that she was interested because after a month of flirting, I never asked her out and she was getting frustrated. I was never sure she was interested in me, or she was just nice because of her job. I finally got the balls to write my number down on paper and just handed it to her and said that if she ever wanted to hang out or do something to give me a call. I then avoided eye contact after that and walked out of the store quickly. Running on pure adrenaline haha. The other time a girl asked me, and I told her that I wanted to just be friends when inside I was extremely sad because I wanted to say yes but made myself say no since she slept around with everyone and was even asking me when I knew she had a boyfriend.

In for answers

You date for a little while and when you want to make it exclusive, where you don't want to date anyone else but her and don't want her to date anyone else but you, then you have a talk about that. That's when she becomes your girlfriend. This is also sometimes just implied after several weeks of dating when the couple are going out frequently, talking every day, making plans with each other a lot and checking with the other before making plans and it's implied that it's exclusive. Then you can just refer to her as your gf casually and see how she reacts to it. Some people prefer the talk about the relationship and others prefer to just drift into it. Lots of times the girl initiates the discussion of "where is this going?" You don't ask a girl to be your gf before going out with her a few times because thats exclusive and you don't know if you will even like each other after a few dates. So being bf and gf takes a little while.

You can ask for her number or facebook or something anytime after meeting her and having a conversation with her. I've met guys and they have flirted and I flirted back and they asked for my number. I gave it to them. When I didn't flirt back because I wasnt interested, then I didn't give it to them. As long as there is a connection there and you have at least made her smile genuinely and not just in a customer service way when she hands you your change, then you can ask for it.

Different guys ask for dates different ways. I've asked guys out myself and I always preferred the straight forward way of being asked and of asking. "Would you like to go see Van Halen with me next Tuesday?" or "The Wall is playing at the midnight movie, you wanna catch that with me?" or even "I'd like to buy you a coffee, would you be up for that?". Now my examples show my age back when I was dating but I assume it's still the same. Just ask. I'd ask for her number and text her first or FB her or something and talk a little more than at your first meeting and then ask her out if you want to.

I think the usual way is to first date and then become bf/gf, but I've never done it in that sequence. When I see somebody regularly, it's implied we are bf/gf, and I've never asked anybody that question as things progressed. Also, I'm not able to date (be in the contact phase with) several people at the same time, so the exclusive thing simply has no meaning to me.

1. Go on a few dates, then ask if she'd like to date exclusively.

2. After you've been chatting, just ask. Worst she can say is no.

3. call/email and invite her to a low-key, daytime activity -- "I heard this new [whatever] is supposed to be great. Are you free for [whatever] on Tuesday afternoon?".

When asking a girl out, the first thing to remember is be respectful. No girl is gonna want to date a jerk. Not saying that you are one, but it's a good thing to keep in mind.

Alright. First question: If you want a girl to be your gf, the first step is becoming friends with the girl first. I'd also recommend going on a friend date or two before trying to further your relationship to the bf/gf stage. That will ease some of the tension and awkwardness that would likely be involved by just rushing into it.

Moving on to your second question: If you two potential lovebirds were friends to begin with, hopefully you won't have to deal with this issue. But, if you need to ask for it, an appropriate time would be in a casual conversation. At least that's how I've gotten a lady's contact in the past.

Your last question really depends on the situation. I once asked a girl out this way: She liked this one character, so I commissioned my sister to draw said character in a suit. (I can't draw worth beans ) However, what I lack in drawing skills I make up for in voice ability. When I met with her, I presented the drawing to her and asked her out in the character's voice. She accepted, we went out, we had a lovely time.

I know I got a bit off topic there, but what I'm trying to say is use your available resources and talents. If you ask her out in a creative way (remember to have some class about it) she will likely remember you.

I'd take a look at artofmanliness.com they have some great articles on dating.

That seems really awkward. If I already have a crush on her then becoming friends will be really awkward, not to mention impossible as I'd use single words (at most) if I dared to approach and talk to her at all. If I didn't have a crush, I see no point in trying to advance to gf state as I wouldn't consider anybody for a relationship unless I have a crush.

Yup. The friend date makes no sense.

I say friend date meaning you two aren't in a serious exclusive relationship. At least not yet.
Also, of course making friends with a girl you have a crush on is going to be awkward, almost all relationship beginnings are. Furthermore, I have never heard such an absurd statement about friend dating. It makes all kinds of sense (unless you're looking for something like a short term relationship or one night stand) Each individual feels less pressure and awkwardness.
Building a strong, happy, healthy, and lasting relationship is never going to be easy. Nor will it be quick or painless. Like most good it takes a bit of effort to achieve. Also, it might take more than one attempt; and that is okay.

If you want to sound like a NT asking a girl out, try asking in the most casual way. For example, "Want to go to xyz with me this weekend?"

If she says yes, that's a good time to casually ask "Can I text you?" and they will usually give you a phone number.

I wouldn't go asking a girl if she is my girlfriend at all, because it makes you sound a bit like a junior high school student or very desperate.

All dates have romantic overtones, even awkward horrible hell on earth blind dates who show up drunk, with a friend, take you to the VFW, get in a fight and pass out in their car and make you drive it home. Those romantic overtones don't have to be harbingers of truth though. No f*ckin way. But there is a little butterfly in the stomach "He/She likes me!" when you are on a date. A friend date sounds like way too much pressure. It would be the audition for the actual date. No matter how smooth you are, if you are on an audition for the date you are gonna blow it. The shirt before the shirt will work, but the date before the date won't. Noooooo!

I don't mean to sound rude, but that's rich given your previous post. I pretty much re-stated what you said. As in, go on a few dates before going exclusive. that is what friend dating is.

I'm not dating anybody that doesn't have an exclusive interest from the start. I find it really strange how anybody could behave in such a way, if that is friend dating I'm not interested. It also sounds a lot like mass-dating, which I also find really strange. I don't believe in the idea that you must check everybody so you can get the best possible. A long term relationship is not about trait-matching, status or any of those NT-things, it's about finding somebody compatible and then getting a strong attachment to that one.

For me, that's the nonverbal observation phase, not dating.



To the contrary. What you describe sounds a lot more like a short term relationship or a one night stand where you can easily socialize with her because you don't have any strong feelings for her.



Of course, and a better start than traditional dating.