Are looks an Aspie's best friend in dating?

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For both guys and girls. Especially girls, since I'd tremble at a beautiful and socially awkward girl , unlike all the social blondes.

I do realize that some Aspies are way different than others in terms of personality. Note, the right side of the slash is my personality.

Some like to flirt/others just like to ask yes or no questions.

Some like to pat everyone on the back/others are too shy to do that.

Some like the latest football games or social crap like Elitedaily/others are still fascinated by WWII pacific history.

Since I'm a shy and serious Aspie, I recently felt that working out can up my chances of finding a girlfriend. Since I lack charming and outgoing communication skills, I have to compensate by getting a six-pack and some muscles so girls would check me out FIRST. They would make the first move, and then I'd follow up.

I never touch or flirt unless I see that she's interested. Risk-taking is too much for me, so waiting for the signals based on my physical attributes looks like my only hope.

Well at the end of the day, if a guy with aspergers still can't get a girlfriend after working out progressively for a decade, he at least managed to get himself seriously strong and healthy looking and I'm sure not many females are going to be repulsed by that (contrary).

I think he will live longer too.

That's a problem for a lot of shy guys. When they see a girl they're physically attracted to, they get nervous and tense up and they all of a sudden don't know what to say and are more self-conscious about how they look and what they say.

You have to remember that even these beautiful girls are people too. This is just my guess but maybe some of these girls are tired of guys being attracted to them simply because they're good looking without ever getting to know who they truly are.

Just talk to a girl like you would anyone else and don't get super nervous when you're talking to her as this will make you nervous and her nervous as well. This can be hard with a girl you have a big crush on. Just try to be comfortable and if you're not, then fake it.

I agree with the working out part. I mostly started working out though to get out all my aggression and to somewhat alleviate depression. My upper body has been kind of taking on a Bane ala Dark Knight Rises physique over the past couple of months and I've definitely noticed an increase in female attention.....though now that I get it a lot, I kind of wish I didn't :\ Can be annoying at times....most of them are the giggly immature types but whatever... In any case, exercise has done wonders for my mood Hell, that might be whats attracting women in the first place as I used to be the dark, mysterious, moody type. Still am at times, though...

I agree with the working out part. I mostly started working out though to get out all my aggression and to somewhat alleviate depression. My upper body has been kind of taking on a Bane ala Dark Knight Rises physique over the past couple of months and I've definitely noticed an increase in female attention.....though now that I get it a lot, I kind of wish I didn't :\ Can be annoying at times....most of them are the giggly immature types but whatever... In any case, exercise has done wonders for my mood Hell, that might be whats attracting women in the first place as I used to be the dark, mysterious, moody type. Still am at times, though...

Where would they see that stuff though besides maybe at the gym or a pool? Hopefully you don't walk around out in public wearing a tank-top, and even then they probably wouldn't see the six-pack abs.

A lot of the time the chick's already the guys GF by the time she sees him shirtless.

My running group is 90% female. It's not hard or that physically demanding. If I was single it would be a goldmine!

Yes and no. Breast size, penis size could be inferred....

Personally, I'd say shoring up weak points is usually the best way forward.
For an aspie male who hasnt had sex for awhile, that may be achieved by hanging out with strippers, paying for sex may help too.

Dressing well is super important and many finer points, like cheap deodorant, talking style, finding humor, all sorts really.

Clothes maketh the man, probably more than muscles.

So I have to talk to her as a friend for about 1-2 months until we decide whether we like each other more than friends? I wish it was like that.

Most girls want guys to make their intentions clear, even if they never show signs that they like the guy. My major problem in this a flirting, because I'm not a good conversationalist to use words that are not creepy.

I would just prefer to be her friend for a few months and then tell her all of a sudden, "Hey, I like you. Want to go out someday?"

confidence is more important than looks. Although looks don't hurt. And looks are something you can control to more of an extent than most people will admit. Work out, dress well, groom yourself and you'll look good. I bet that a lot of the guys out there who don't think they're attractive also don't work out or dress well but they complain that looks are out of their control when they couldn't be more wrong.

Yesh!


While confidence is attractive, it ultimately not sufficient to make someone want to date, mate, and procreate with(assume both of you want to reproduce but iDigress ). And when it comes to attracting men, confidence is often completely unnecessary. I'll be honest: Men are primarily attracted to g00d l00ks. If they aren't attracted to the way you look they're not going to get with you(and certainly won't sleep with you) unless they're desperate and then you'd probably get turned off by their desperation.

Women often talk about how they like confident guys but I've seen too many examples of guys hitting on a woman who for some reason isn't that into them despite his confidence and if he doesn't take the hint and keeps trying he's branded a "creep". So I say focus on what you have to offer and try to find people who *want* what you can offer and are turned on by your looks. Confidence comes from GETTING RESULTS, and not from some inner cultivated zen-like state as pop-psych would have you believe.

Along with money, I'm sad to say they're his only friend. Usually I'd put "status" in there too, but let's face it, Aspie men are too socially inept to gain, or even maintain, status.

Guys before have started talking to me because I ''look interesting'', but they've stopped after a while. I guess i don't have a lot in common with most people (and also I'm not very proud of some aspects of my personality, I don't think I'm very likable for starters), so I would say yes.

I don't know being "socially arkward" has been romanticised when social arkwardness isn't really like that, it's cringey. But I do think people would notice a lot more how different I was if I wasn't fairly decent looking.

I'd recommend that you work on your social skills rather than your abs -- for girls to throw themselves at you based 100% on your "physical attributes", you'd need to be 5+ standard deviations from the mean gorgeous, which is statistically unlikely, regardless of how much time you spend working on your six pack.

(A childhood friend, A, is a knockout -- a head-turningly drop-dead gorgeous gorgeous girl who paid for college modeling for LL Bean, Delia's, etc. -- who is still single because she's a highly strung nutcase. And it takes a LOT of nutcase to offset that much pretty... but she nevertheless manages to).

There's also no way for a girl to know if she actually likes you (versus just thinks you're hot) without getting to know her at least a little bit. So even if your time in the gym turned you into an Adonis... well, it still wouldn't guarantee you'd NEVER be rejected.

Finally, the vast majority of folks don't look like models and nevertheless manage to have boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses... so the fact that you're currently single is overwhelmingly NOT because of just how you look.

Well I'm gonna be honest, here's a list of all my social issues:

-I tell people my name and they don't say theirs. It's just "Nice to meet you, bye".

-I don't say any sexual jokes, so people assume I'm a "safe guy". Most of my humor is intellectual.

-I'm scared to death of rejection. It hits me like the Arizona explosion at Pearl Harbor.

-I'm mostly nice to people and not a challenge. I hold open all the doors and don't like to play games.

I can go on, but some people would call me lame because I don't know how to take social risks without being inappropriate/sexist/racist since my conversation skills suck. So that's why I'm turning to looks.