Sex and Consent

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My roommate is 20 years old. His social worker/psych seems to believe that because he is Aspie, he is easily manipulated and therefore unable to be competent to consent to sexual activity. He was involved sexually with someone when he was 19 years old and now the social worker is trying to convince him that he was exploited/abused. This guy is a very strong willed person who can EASILY make decisions/say NO/say YES, etc. He's very well educated about sex and issues connected to sex such as sexual health, drama/emotions, boundary communication, etc.

Has anyone here ever been told they are NOT competent to make their own sexual decisions or have consensual sex? There are all these laws protecting persons with developmental disability from sexual exploitation/abuse and all the research on line talks about mental retardation but I can't find any laws on the books regarding Asperger's.

My roommate is concerned his social worker/psych will somehow disallow him from having any kind of sexual/romantic relationships in the future and will constantly be accusing any of his future dates/lovers/partners of exploitation and abuse.

Thanks.

He needs to change social workers. His current one is incapable of seeing the situation clearly. Apparently is treating him as some stereotype without taking the time and thought to observe and understand his actual behaviors.

This is potentially very dangerous. Can he get a change of social worker? I sense a control freak here.

That's because Asperger's, unless it seriously impinges on his ability to make these decisions for himself, is not a factor. He's as much able - and probably far more able - to make decisions about his sex life as anyone else.

The social worker sounds dangerous to his sense of wellbeing (the SW probably has massive hidden hangups about sex of his/her own) and should be changed or reported.

Honestly needs a different social worker.
I know that people classified as mentally ret*d are seen as not being able to make their own sexual decisions... but AS ≠ MR, and this person probably doesn't know this.

This. :/

Last edited by Erisad on 09 Aug 2011, 11:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

Exactly. AS has nothing to do with MR. Completely different ballgame.

Of course AS/MR are completely different but I can't find a single article on google about autism/asperger's and sexual consent and competency. The laws in California state that persons with "developmental disabilities" are protected from exploitation/abuse. The "system" is set up to consider any act of sexual engagement NON CONSENT if a person has d/d.

Are you sure the social worker is concerned only with your roommate's exploitation or potential abuse? The few things I've read about male Aspergers (wrt sexuality) make it clear that sometimes relationships/dating/whatever are discouraged because the male Aspy has difficulty determining proper behavior and where lines have been drawn, and thus they get themselves into situations where consent hasn't been given (by the woman) but the Aspy couldn't tell. Maybe the social worker is trying to kybosh all sexual activity, to limit liability (I don't approve of this approach, I'm merely making an alternate suggestion).

Which is why it's best to be very certain that consent has been obtained, and if not, just go ahead and ask!

There could be argument that I cannot consent as a sexual abuse survivor (early childhood and teen/adult) and that as well as this also being an aspie I may be particularly open to sexual abuse, some would also argue as a woman within our society I do not so much choose but am socially pressured - BUT that's my point, consent is a tricky one.

Asperger's and how it effects us can differ greatly, it has to be assessed on a case-by-case basis, people with asperger's may be more vulnerable to abuse and pretending this is not the case isn't a good idea - bear in mind that I am well educated about sex and I consented to sex with my abusers (e.g. agreed to or I initiated sexual contact on several occasions), but that doesn't mean I wasn't sexually abused. Perfectly educated, socially/emotionally aware neurotypical people can be sexually abused or taken advantage of without realising it, this is the nature of abuse - we can all clearly see a punch in the face or a brutal rape is abuse, but the gradual sneak-up of long-term abuse or being taken advantage of isn't as easy to spot until the damage is done, or often not even then.

I do think that as a person with asperger's a social worker does need to be careful to ensure he can consent, but if this social worker has convinced him that sexual contact is abuse it may be that this social worker has their own problems or that they believe as a person with asperger's he cannot consent or may be a risk to others. It's no good saying 'he needs a new social worker' because without knowing the specifics he may well have been abused or is at risk of abuse and his social worker may be trying to help him and in the right for doing so. If I was him I would ask for another social worker to come in, not to replace the initial social worker at first but to assess the situation in order to figure out if the social worker is at fault or if he is at risk without being able to see it clearly himself.

On the subject of consent, for anyone who may not be sure about such things - Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent

Last edited by Bloodheart on 09 Aug 2011, 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi J - I'll take a look at that in a little while.

J/Bloodheart- Great link. Thanks so much!
I forwarded this to my roommate who will likely not read it because he's gaming all the time.

exactly.

I'm not sure if there's anything more to add after some really good comments that I see above, but from what you (the OP) decsribe, there's some gap between how you perceive your friend's ability to judge the situation and how the social worker sees it. from the point of view that you're describing, the social worker seems to have some unresolved issues with sexual abuse. I'm not sure if he can legally object from your friend having sexual relations with anyone though, as long as he's not his legal guardian? I'm the legal guardian of my brother and I know that I could object to his having sexual relations with someone, but I highly doubt that is the case here. so if your friend has the power to apply for a social worker with less of a bias, he should go for it.

My roommate is not conserved and does not have a legal guardian and he is 20 years old.
Keep the comments coming. Most importantly, I am highly concerned that somehow my roommate needs to have PROOF that he is declared legally competent to consent to sex.
The guy votes, goes to college, decides everything in his own life, and says NO to most offers of help such as cleaning his room or handling lengthy paperwork. In fact, he very strongly says NO to help cooking, being hugged, etc. so I don't know why the law considers Aspies or anyone getting services from a regional center to be so mentally incapable that they can't decide who they can love or hook up with.

ok well I don't know where you live so I can't help you with a reaserching hand in the legal issues but, I suppose since we all live in fairly civilised democratic countries the same human rights would apply. therefore - if your friend is an adult and is not under legal guardianship, and is not a sex offender, he can have sex with any consenting adult he pleases (or not ). sex is not something you need a license for. and if the social worker had somehow managed to plant a seed of doubt in your friends mind about such a fundamental human right as having sex with other consenting adults, then the social worker appears to be quite a demonic character to me.

Yes - I would look for another social worker and I would be asking the opinions of my family and friends in this matter too, if he gets on with them.

I'm more disabled than he sounds - in terms of independence skills, social life and so on - and my parents would never think about legally preventing me from having sexual intercourse with another woman - or man - who wanted to.