Deleted my OKCupid account

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Third time. Each time with diminishing returns.

God I'm so sick of being alone, yet I know more than ever I'll never find someone. I mean, I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm 28. If that doesn't say I'm a failure at this, I don't know what.

The other day I visited with my neighbors. A married couple, about my age. Beautiful people. The wife...how i wish I could find someone like her...intelligent, creative, driven, and beautiful. Of course she deserves the man she is with. He is everything I'm not.

I watched how they intereracted, how they held hands, and touched eachother in a way that was both casual and deeply emotionally connected.

this is completely alien to me. I've never known anyone who expressed such feelings for me.

There were many I felt deeply for. One that I almost made it happen with, but I ruined it. I think she was my chance, and I blew it.

Now I've gotta just forget about women, forget about this drug called love. There is no hope that I'll matter to anyone as a person. None.

I'll only matter by what I do, and what I have to give to others. I'll do something really special and beautiful for the world. So when I die, there will be something to show I mattered...if not to any one individual, then at least through the good works I did.

And yet, I could weep. I have dreams where I sob uncontrollably. Others where I meet an abstract woman, who looks at me with complete acceptance for who I am. Sometimes she kisses me. Other times, she simply holds my hand.

Those dreams make me wish I would never wake up.

I know the frustration of that site-I send messages and no one sends messages back-they are very superficial on that site.

I've left it up since February. I wrote so many, and only a handful wrote back, just once. Most quit responding after the first.

I only ever met one person because of all this. And at the end of the date, when I asked if we could meet again, she said she wasn't sure what she was looking for, and this was one of a series of first dates.

We kept in touch, and I learned she got engaged, incidentaly, to the next guy she met.

I wasn't the one.

I never am.

I feel like hurting myself, and making myself as ugly and undesirable as I feel.

Brian, if you always do what you've done, you'll always get what you've got.

I'm willing to help you Brian but I don't think you're willing to be change, I think you enjoy this misery to an extent.

My thread has some tips on dating websites - http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4861890.html#4861890

Even Alex has come to your thread personally and tried to give you advice and he has had a lot of success with women but you choose not to take it.

I've been on OKCupid for nearly 2 years now and have officially met one person on there. She was nowhere near the one for me. I've sent out a few messages, but no responses. I try and wait for the girls to find me (HAHAHAHA) that was a stupid idea. I don't know if it's my extensive profile, the fact that I don't smile in my own pics, the fact that I look to be in my late 30s, or the questions I've asked and even answered in a question that I'm a 23 year old virgin.

I've tried eHarmony, Match (dot) com, Chemistry (dot) com, plentyoffish (dot) com, and those were worse.

WTF is it with women on these dating sites with very high standards?

And, yes, I will admit that there were times that the lonliness was so much that some nights I would cry myself to sleep. If only these girls could see what they are doing to me emotionally.

If it's like where I live, don't waste your time with OKCupid. At least with eHarmony I got a few responses even if not compatible. Without repeating a previous post, I could not find even one person I could email as the two who looked promising had incredible nasty attitudes in their Q&A section. Decent women exist, but in my experience stay far away from OKCupid or POF! Very few people I know have any success on these sites, male or female.

I've probably written something like this to you before, but I think it is worth repeating.

There are some things that you can change. There are other things you have no control over. Trying to change the things you have no control over is asking for a life of frustration. I think this is the core of the difficulties you have been experiencing.

You cannot make someone fall in love with you. You cannot make the world love the films you make. You cannot make other runners run slower or shorter distances than you. You have no practical control over things that are external to you.

I understand that you want companionship and love, but these are not things you can directly pursue with any realistic hope of achieving them. That love and companionship you seek has to be provided by another person whose actions and feelings you have no control over. Since you cannot change another person, pursuing love without directly changing your own behavior will simply not work.

But you do have control over your own actions. You may not be able to control your personality or the kind of women you are attracted to, but you can control the small things you do and the hundreds of minor choices you make every day. You can modify your own behavior so that you do not come across as needy. You can resist the temptation to explain yourself by writing notes of apology to women. You can work on your projects to make them just a little bit better today than they were yesterday.

By putting the demand upon yourself that your films be great or that you must be such a perfect person that someone would find you attractive, I think you avoid doing exactly what you need to do to be a good film maker or an attractive person. As I've written before; it's like trying to paint a masterpiece... If you are thinking "this painting has to be great" rather than "what mixture of color do I use to reproduce this specific quality of light?" then you are not really addressing the important problem. You are only dreaming of outcomes while doing none of the work necessary to archive those outcomes.

Being great at anything is actually a mundane process. You just keep working everyday and you try to be a little bit better. You don't become great by wishing yourself to be great or enviously wishing you could have what others around you have. You have no control over whether you will be great or not. You have no control over whether someone loves you or not. The only thing you can control is whether you make a little bit more progress today.

Since you cannot control whether someone loves you, your only option is to work at being the kind of person someone would want to love. What do you find appealing in women? Do you enjoy someone who is anxious and needy, someone who comes across as odd because she is constantly second guessing everything she does and trying to assess what you are thinking of her? Or do you prefer someone who is relaxed and comfortable around you? If you want to be the sort of person who is relaxed and comfortable around women, you need to modify yourself in a lot of little ways.

Don't look at every pretty woman as a potential girlfriend. Look at her as someone who might be worth knowing. Who might have something interesting to say. As someone with her own complex desires, hang ups, anxieties, dreams, etc. don't look at every film you make as your next ticket to directorial stardom. Look at it as a way to tell a story and entertain people. Work at doing the actuall job of making a film rather than hoping this film will magically catapult you to greatness. Look at every woman as a human being who has her own good and bad qualities, who might happily get to know you if she didn't feel like you were demanding a declaration of love within the first 20 minutes of meeting you.

And also on the issue of killing yourself if you don't achieve some great success by 30. You have to understand, most people struggle with a sense of not being able to achieve their dreams during their 20s. During that decade, you have enough of the responsibilities of adulthood to think you should be able to control your own success, but few people have the experience to know what they are doing. Many people find that their 20s are a time of frustrating struggle, but that their 30s are a time when they start to get solid control of their own skills and finally start to make progress in their lives. If you were to kill yourself if you don't succeed by 30 you would be very likely killing yourself just before you started getting somewhere.

This will probably just make you feel worse, but much of what you write is so much like what I went through in my 20s. I think you can do better than I did, but you are going to have to gain a huge amount of experience and wisdom if you are to have any hope of getting beyond the mistakes you are making right now.

Good luck

Look OP, your posting on here saying life isn't good because you don't have a female companion.
You have had advice before in similar threads, I believe you haven't taken any of the advice given to you and don't take any action.
Women won't consider men who have self-pity and self-centered attractive.
They probably see through your act and see that your desperate and pushy. Basically you'd probably attract women who will dominate your life and from my perspective, you'd let them do that to you.

online dating sucks