Could mere boredom have been the cause?

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Mootoo
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17 Apr 2015, 12:41 am

I've been idly wondering what exactly could have caused an ex to lose interest suddenly... not easy to pinpoint considering even he didn't seem to know (if there was a single causation... I always assumed it was multiple factors)... but, one major thing that seemed to happen in the few months prior was him getting really frustrated over seemingly minor things and reacting by smashing his head in doors e.g. (was supposed to have had AS too, so I assumed that was the habit he developed over the years, although I physically tried to stop it usually)... e.g. when we went out once and many things going wrong, until finally he couldn't seem to handle it anymore when I said satirically that I didn't want to go out again out of frustration with the outside world... I obviously meant it in more humour than he took it.

Something else that was more directly perceptibly frustrating to him was the fact I couldn't run as fast as him (his stamina was above average, whereas mine is below, so...) - so when we occasionally went out and wanted to go faster than usual he'd run whilst I cycled...

One other thing that also seemed to terminally frustrate him is when I didn't want to open the door to a room because I was feeling anxious, and then getting minorly angry when he tried to open it with a roundabout way... as usual, though, he probably took it far more seriously than I did.

So... was this anything I could have avoided? Or was it inevitable due to some innate ennui? I'd just... like to know in case I can avoid it next time, of course, although considering life is chaotic and factors variables, I suppose it's not likely to be a singular cause...



goldfish21
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17 Apr 2015, 3:39 am

You have no control over what someone else thinks or feels, or what actions they take because of those thoughts or feelings.

If you made mistakes that you can learn from, great, learn from them and don't make the same mistakes again.

But as for your ex overreacting to things, that's nothing you could have done anything about. Overall, it doesn't sound like you were a perfect match. Move on.


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lyzpg
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17 Apr 2015, 3:36 pm

The description you provide of his behavior the months before the break doesn't fit 'boredom', nor that he lost interest suddenly. This is all guess work, but maybe your mutual incompatibilities weighted too much for him (it seems the relationship was ok as far as you were concerned), and he opted out. There also seemed to be a communication issue, and a certain degree of assuming on both parts (neither of which help build lasting relationships, I've found).

Anyway, I'm with goldfish21. We have no control over how other people think or feel and -though I find it incredibly frustrating- we have to understand there's nothing to be done about it. I suppose my suggestion to you would be not to fixate and over-analyze the relationship or why it didn't continue, it won't help much.



Antharis
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17 Apr 2015, 3:37 pm

From my angle, it looks like garden variety incompatibility. His frustrations don't seem like things worth leaving someone over anyway so even if you hadn't frustrated him with what you mentioned, there would've been other inconsequential things he'd get super mad over.



SilverStar
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17 Apr 2015, 5:05 pm

lyzpg wrote:
There also seemed to be a communication issue, and a certain degree of assuming on both parts (neither of which help build lasting relationships, I've found).



This is true. If something is really bothering you about someone, don't just assume that you know what the problem is. Talk to them, and be honest about it (both sides). My ex had a really bad habit of making assumptions about me (which were simply not true), and in turn got really upset over those things.