Am I unintentionally misleading her?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Mar 2015, 2:04 pm

The same friend girl has been going out with me for the 5th Saturday/Sunday tête-à-tête , we were used to got out within a group but recently only the two of us alone; and at the end of every outing she suggests a place to go to for the next time; as if it's some date.

I don't like her in that way; is it safe to assume that she's seeing me just as a friend?



smudge
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07 Mar 2015, 2:13 pm

Does she treat you like a friend? Or is she slightly/too chummy? Does she cross any boundaries verbally or otherwise?


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Jono
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07 Mar 2015, 2:19 pm

I don't know. Have you told her that you were interested in meeting as friends but not in a relationship with her? I find that it's best to tell people that in the beginning so that they don't get unintentionally misled. However, it may be the case that her main motivation for meeting with men is to get a boyfriend and she may break off all contact with you tell her that you only want to be friends. Sometimes they be happy with just being friends if you tell them and sometimes not but still best to be honest.



The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Mar 2015, 2:55 pm

smudge wrote:
Does she treat you like a friend? Or is she slightly/too chummy? Does she cross any boundaries verbally or otherwise?


Bit overly chummy, yes, especially today.

Today was my birthday tho.



smudge
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07 Mar 2015, 4:35 pm

Mmhmm, we need details if you want real input.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Mar 2015, 5:53 pm

smudge wrote:
Mmhmm, we need details if you want real input.


Umm... I dunno, it's just the feeling of it!

It's mostly the fact that she wants to go out with me the two of us alone without wanting to involve the others; is what's making me suspicious.



Stargazer43
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07 Mar 2015, 5:57 pm

I think that most people consider guy+girl doing things alone to be a date, unless the two of you agree otherwise. I'd recommend asking her directly if she considers these outings dates, and being honest about your feelings if she does.



Writergirl53
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11 Mar 2015, 11:14 am

Look for little things. Does she hold eye contact a bit too long? Is her posture pointed towards you most of the time? Does she smile and laugh at things you say, even if you don't think you're being very funny? Does she ever touch you, even "accidentally" or "playfully"? Does she ever pay you compliments that seem a bit out of place in the context of a friendship, or seem a bit gushy? When you walk together, does she walk very close? Does she ever seem to get suddenly upset or moody for seemingly no reason, (especially if another girl in your life has come up recently)? If you can tick off at least one or two of these boxes, I'd say she probably is interested in you romantically.



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Mar 2015, 3:43 pm

^ Two are ticked.



XFilesGeek
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11 Mar 2015, 5:39 pm

Boo, you're completely irresistible to womankind. You should know better than to dangle yourself in front of some poor woman who has no hope of obtaining you. :wink:


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SilverStar
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11 Mar 2015, 5:40 pm

Considering that she wants to spend time alone with you, and the fact that she makes future plans to spend time with you, I would have to say that she either sees it as a date, or wants it to be a date.


Just be nice, and honest about your intentions with her. She might get upset, or she might be ok with it, but the best thing to do is tell her as soon as possible, to avoid letting her think that you are stringing her along.



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Mar 2015, 2:52 am

But she hasn't admitted anything verbally - what I tell her? To go awkwardly "Hey btw, I know that you like me but I don't like you in that way, fine with that?" ?

She would easily dodge it by saying that I've assumed things wrong (even if I assumed it right). So idiot, I would sound.



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Mar 2015, 5:56 am

XFilesGeek wrote:
Boo, you're completely irresistible to womankind. You should know better than to dangle yourself in front of some poor woman who has no hope of obtaining you. :wink:


She's just one woman and now I am irresistible to womankind?

:lol: That's generalizing.



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12 Mar 2015, 6:09 am

Hanging out one-on-one a lot with someone, in my experience, often leads to a very close friendship. In the case of my husband and I, that friendship turned into a romantic relationship.

If you don't want a close friendship with this girl, or if you are not open to the "risk" of ever developing romantic feelings for her, then you shouldn't hang out one-on-one a lot. I won't say NEVER, but the more often you do hang out 1:1, the deeper the relationship will be.

I'd say figure out what you want from the relationship and act accordingly. If you're open to a close friendship or *possible* future romantic relationship, there's no need to say anything. Just let things unfold, and if she expresses feelings for you that you don't have at that time, deal with it then. If you don't want a close friendship, you need to avoid hanging out with her 1:1 so much, and figure out a way to say it, like "I prefer when we all hang out as a group." You don't need to ask her if she thinks these hangouts are dates.



Writergirl53
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14 Mar 2015, 1:26 pm

There are also subtle ways that you can let her know you aren't interested without embarrassing her or ruining the friendship. For example, if there is somebody else who you do like, you could ask her for advice about them, or you could say something that makes it clear you think of her as just a friend, like telling her how glad you are to have somebody like her as a friend. Please don't misinterpret, saying anything like this will most likely hurt her feelings, if she is indeed interested, but in a much gentler way than directly telling her when she hasn't actually said she's interested. By the way, if I may ask, which two boxes did she tick, (it definitely makes a difference).



Barnes66
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16 Mar 2015, 5:45 pm

Writergirl53 wrote:
There are also subtle ways that you can let her know you aren't interested without embarrassing her or ruining the friendship. For example, if there is somebody else who you do like, you could ask her for advice about them, or you could say something that makes it clear you think of her as just a friend, like telling her how glad you are to have somebody like her as a friend. Please don't misinterpret, saying anything like this will most likely hurt her feelings, if she is indeed interested, but in a much gentler way than directly telling her when she hasn't actually said she's interested. By the way, if I may ask, which two boxes did she tick, (it definitely makes a difference).


This
I would try what he suggested. This will let her know that you are not interested without being direct.she will get the hint