Do you find yourself attracted to the wrong type of girl?

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I don't know if this is just me, and my own personality and experiences, or to do with my AS, but I find myself drawn to girls who, tbh, don't treat me the way they "should", and aren't the most emotionally/mentally stable of people. The past 3 girls I've been seriously into/have gone out with have been A) A bit of a psychpath/narcissist, B) a huge self harmer, and feels themselves to be worthless and C) a girl who is clinically depressed, and has an extremely troubled childhood.

Is it just me? Or do other aspies on here find themselves experiencing something similar?

Yes I do find myself attracted to the wrong type of girl - the 'straight' kind

What you must remember honey is that women are generally nuts - sorry girls, but we are - we are constantly bombarded with ideas that we are worthless and that effects our self-esteem, the effects of that can vary greatly and although most of us aren't psychopathic self-harmers, many women do have a lot of troubles like those you listed. Saying that male and female can have their issues.

I think with aspies we sometimes have the problem that we are not great socially so we tend to become attracted to others who are not great socially either, sometimes that includes the sort of people you describe. I'm of the mind that when we are ready we stop tolerating such people, we gain our own self-esteem and gravitate more towards people with higher self-esteem. Possibly a bit insulting to say this but perhaps you have issues with self-esteem, perhaps a result of being difficult socially, it's easier to go with others like you than find someone with better self-esteem - I say perhaps, if you're putting up with people who don't treat you well I'd say that's possibly quite likely.

I've been with guys like this - boyfriend #1 abusive, boyfriend #2 self-harmer psychpath/narcissist and clinically depressed, most other boyfriends generally not treating me well, the final straw was a guy who was a bit of a bad boy who messed me around and actually once uttered the comment 'I wouldn't respect you in the morning' - there comes a point where you're no longer willing to put up with such people. Once you gain that self-esteem, stop putting-up with such people, you can move on to people who are better for you.

All of my crushes have been people I have no chance with, whether they were school people or celebritites. The other crushes were just fictional characters.
No current crushes, hopefully "the one" will show up some day. However, if not, that's fine by me.

Yup, all the time. I go for the ones I find incredibly attractive and even though I know they probably aren't even my type I never learn because seeing their beauty puts me into a trance and then I want and desire them. Of course the girls always end up having horrible personalities. I hate going by looks, I know it's wrong and yet I do it.

I think this is a pretty common problem with men and women of all orientations when choosing someone, regardless of any actual disorders. This is what's been selling magazines and self-help books for eons.

The only way you can change it is if you figure out why you're doing it, then make a strict commitment to break the pattern.

Without considering AS a factor, why do you think you're choosing girls who are wrong for you?

Every girl I ever been attracted to except for my ex has been the wrong kind because I have absolutely no chance in hell with em. I need to be attracted to men instead

It isn't just an aspie thing and it isn't just a guy thing.

There are plenty of girls who break up with a drunken violent yobbo only to go straight to another guy who is just the same.

I think Bloodheart sort-of had it accurate. I just sort of end up talking to certain types of girls, and find myself liking them, but I like them BEFORE I find out about these things. I do generally seem to accept in a relationship/friendship with them, that all the s**t things they do to me I deserve.

I'm thinking because I can't tell the signs before I start to like them, that there might not be something quite right with them, I fall into this trap a lot. Does that make sense?

It's NOT you. It's because freaks are always available and are easy to lay. Nobody wants them and all that baggage that comes with them. When they are so easy to lay, it compounds their problems AND YOURS. They get worse and you can never get rid of them...and believe me...after a while in nutjob land, you'll WANT to be rid of them - you won't even miss the sex. As soon as you see just a HINT of cookeyness, get away quickly!! IF YOU CHOOSE TO LAY DOWN WITH A DOG YOU WILL GET FLEAS...same thing goes for same gender friends and acquaintances.

That's a bit of a steep generalization.
I'd say i'm points B & C.

Yeah, I was slightly worried by his over-generalisation...

(B & C) you mean from my original post, right?

yeah

You DO see that something is not right with them - you close your eyes to it due to the same damned thing we aspies all experience TOO much. It's called being lonely. Being lonely makes you swallow a lot of what you don't want until it becomes unbearable and then we get stuck and desparate to get out. You have to learn to like being lonely so you're not blinded to their faults. Being lonely is an acquired taste. Get used to it and don't settle for less in relationships. I have a 12 year son who has been friends with people he absolutely hates all because he had NO friends. He didn't want to be alone so he puts up with it until he can't stand it anymore and ends up clobbering them. Being an aspie, he doesn't have the courage to try and make friends with people he truly admires. He doesn't feel good enough and doesn't want to risk rejection. Outcasts are more approachable to him BUT there is a reason why they are outcasts. He's an outcast too but he is seen that way because everybody knows he has had a start in special ed. - it's an issue of prejudice. They won't give him a chance.

Now, you're liking them only because they're liking you and not rejecting you. They're liking you for the wrong reasons. You'll know this by how quick they're willing to go to your bed. Some people with problems try to "CATCH" you with physical pleasure. It's an escape for them as well as as escape for you BUT when it comes to having a real, communicating relationship, you find them impossible to be around. Some of those girls you described with the exception of the psycho take years to heal...almost lifetimes. You'll be an old man by then. Opt for sanity and celebacy - the celebacy bit for at least a good while until you gotten to know a girl thoroughly.

Last edited by RightGalaxy on 22 Feb 2011, 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

I find that really interesting As person B ALWAYS felt themselves to be worthless, and as such, always assumed I felt so too, whereas person C always seems to come off as thinking the world of themselves, then randomly, when alone, would snap into thinking themselves worthless. Does that sound similar?

Hmm, I'm not sure that suits me. I don't have terrible self-esteem when it comes to friends - if I like and want to be friends with someone I do it. I think it's just women tbh, and yeah, I am willing to overlook it at times due to loneliness, but when person C came along I wasn't expecting what I found out at all.