Why marriage is good for aspies

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11 Apr 2005, 9:48 am

1)high level of commitment
2)close friendship created
3)feeling acceptance from another human being

i was just thinking about this and thought that id post it
A

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Feste-Fenris
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11 Apr 2005, 10:48 am

Thank you...

That is supposing I can get someone to the altar... which is kind of like stealing all the gold pens from the CIA's headquarters... difficult and dangerous...

Ghosthunter
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11 Apr 2005, 10:55 am

And imagine the children we will have?
Let's see......Hmm?

Person A is AS or HFA(miswired)-male

Person B is either NT-female
(seeking sincerity, and can be
weird to like a weird person like
myself), or sympathetic?

Then the kids:
1)AS+AS
2)HFA+AS
3)NT+HFA or AS

Hmmm?

I am 39 and this is what crosses my mind.

axelkat
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11 Apr 2005, 12:06 pm

ok, i get the point. how do we get someone to the altar. but i was trying to convince aspies not to give up.
A

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Ghosthunter
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11 Apr 2005, 12:24 pm

[Ghosthunter
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Posts: 256
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Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:55 am
Post subject: Hmm?
----------------------
And imagine the children we will have?
Let's see......Hmm?

Person A is AS or HFA(miswired)-male

Person B is either NT-female
(seeking sincerity, and can be
weird to like a weird person like
myself), or sympathetic?]

&

[axelkat
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Joined: Feb 25, 2005
Posts: 542
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 3:06 am
Post subject:
---------------
ok, i get the point. how do we get
someone to the altar. but i was
trying to convince aspies not to give up.]

From Ghosthunter....>

I can say it is not impossible. The
trick is not to approach, but let your
gifts find her.

Example:

age 24, playing piano at a hotel, and
I play from within, nothing scripted.
let's call it a heart song.

Lo-and-Behold a lady watches me play
with astonisment, and 10years later
moves on after this 10 year relationship.

The Sex was intense and compatibility was
extremely opposite. I was creativity, she
was control that needed creativity.

Hmmm? Nothing is impossible.

hale_bopp
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13 Apr 2005, 6:45 pm

Quote:

1)high level of commitment
2)close friendship created
3)feeling acceptance from another human being

I think those are more of an insecurity thing than an AS thing. I for one have AS, and those don't come across as very good reasons for me to get into a relatinship. I am not insecure in those areas.

No offence or anything.

Sean
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13 Apr 2005, 10:37 pm

Quote:

1)high level of commitment
2)close friendship created
3)feeling acceptance from another human being

hale_bopp wrote:

I think those are more of an insecurity thing than an AS thing. I for one have AS, and those don't come across as very good reasons for me to get into a relatinship. I am not insecure in those areas.

I would agree that those are poor reasons to get involveed in a romantic relationship. Codependent people get into relationships for thast reason.
However, the above is better described as three end products of a relationship between two secure individuals who feel incomplete and have each other as their counterpart.

strange_wraith
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06 May 2005, 11:34 pm

Well, I can see why the commitment and comfort of marriage would be appealing to an Aspie, but more than 50% of marriages these days end in divorce, and, well, that would would just be a real blow, wouldn't it? I kinda worry about that when I think of it.

MishLuvsHer2Boys
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07 May 2005, 7:18 am

Sean wrote:

Quote:

1)high level of commitment
2)close friendship created
3)feeling acceptance from another human being

I'm in a common-law relationship (in Canada, it's equivalent to marriage) for 5 yrs. Let's see, high level of commitment... let's see because of my children. Close friendship created... not so much as time goes by my AS traits have become an annoyance at best at times to my partner. Feeling acceptance from another human being... I could live with or without that in a confined space. I do deeply care about 'hubby' and such but we don't have a close friendship in fact, we barely talk at all even at the best of times as his interests are vastly different than mine and he says I lecture him on things instead of talk to him. I think we are more codependant on each other than loving each other like we did 5 years ago when we had first met and had our first son Dylan, but even over the last 6 months or so since self-dxing with AS, I also have kinda taken an attitude that I am who I am, and I want to be accepted for that when when we had first met I had tried so hard to adapt/fake things.

hale_bopp wrote:

I think those are more of an insecurity thing than an AS thing. I for one have AS, and those don't come across as very good reasons for me to get into a relatinship. I am not insecure in those areas.

I agree with you Sean, marriage isn't for everyone even if they are NTs. There is more to a marriage than those 3 things and they can be just as hard on an AS individual as it can be on an NT individuals because it's the smallest things that can cause the issues and not even be the biggest ones that do.

KingChaosNinja
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08 May 2005, 7:46 pm

I partialy dissagre. I agree that your three reasons are viable. However I personally have a problem with "Marriage." It's not even a real word anymore. My parents were married, now they're not. My alcoholic neighbor is married to her ex-con husband. Right now in some other place in the world countless people are being married under so many diffrent religons who love each other in so many diffren ways. I don't need a vague word and some piece of paper or have you, to pose as some manifistation of my love for another person. My feelings and emotions don't need "marrage" and I could never love someone that needed that much reasurance on my intentions.

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monastic
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26 May 2005, 3:38 pm

Bad Idea = Looking for the person that "Completes" you.

Good Idea = Finding someone who shares some of the same interests as you.

Bad Idea = Seeing Him/Her not for what they are but for what you want them to be.

Good Idea = Working on yourself by learning to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, how can you allow someone else to love you?

This coming from a person that has been a failure in marriage, so take it with a grain of salt. I am working on the last Good Idea though, since I feel like my emotional state of mind has always been, "How could you possibly love me?"

Still learning to love myself - Monastic

pizzaboss
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26 May 2005, 4:43 pm

1. companonship
2. friendship involved
3. support provided
4. have same interests

jmatucd
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26 May 2005, 6:22 pm

"Well, I can see why the commitment and comfort of marriage would be appealing to an Aspie, but more than 50% of marriages these days end in divorce, and, well, that would would just be a real blow, wouldn't it? I kinda worry about that when I think of it."

This actually isn't quite true (the 50% figure, that is). When they compiled these statistics they looked at one years marriage divorce rate in the 1960s or 50s. Problem is, while in a given year 10x people may get married and 5x divorced, this does not take into account the tens of millions of marriages to start with. So realistically, instead of comparing one year's stats for marriage licences and divorces, they should have checked how many tens of millions of people were married as of that year. And then try to figure out how many times the average person who has been divorced has divorced... so someone who was divorced 5 times does not skew the results! Only in this way can the statistics be half-way correct or understandable. It's all a load of crap anyways.

TheWhale
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27 May 2005, 9:23 am

Feste-Fenris wrote:

Thank you...

That is supposing I can get someone to the altar... which is kind of like stealing all the gold pens from the CIA's headquarters... difficult and dangerous...

What you have to understand is that just getting married is a lot easier than keeping the marriage alive and positive, whether you have a fellow aspie mate or not.

I am probably the only one on this thread speaking from one experience so trust me. I have been married, divorced and remarried to the same aspie spouse. It is a hell of a lot of work.

Jerry Newport

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