emotional numbness

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does anybody ever feel like what im gonna describe?

i sometimes feel so numb inside, im with my girlfriend for 2 months now, we realy love eachother, i know i do because i realy feel atrackted to her and want to see her a lot, when im with her i want to cudle with her and kiss, yet sometimes i feel so..cold...inside, like there is no emotion in me, like i can't feel a thing, and i start to wonder if i love her, i know i do, but i can't feel it, im not sure im describing it right, but i hope you guy's get the general idea

Sure, but I don't think that's a particularly odd thing. It's important not to let yourself neglect the other too much from this though; I did this, and ended up alone again.

I have definitely felt this... sometimes I feel a total disconnect from my feelings... it's scary, and has caused me problems in relationships.

What is odd is not feeling that I have any real emotions (which is often the case) but that I am just 'acting' them. So, love for me is what I tell myself it is - and it is forever, because that's how I defined it. So, as soon as I decide I am in love with someone, I can show it, and it will never end. For anger, I learned its value, and began acting angry when it seemed suitable - sometimes this got me my way.

I feel very little emotion, but I have learned to "act" whatever emotion I should be feeling. For example, fear: on a fear factor of 1-10, I may be feeling 1, 2 or 3 at the most but I "act" about 9 or 10. I'ts the same with stress or anger. I feel happiness as well, but rarely ever enogh to show, and I don't "act" it in case I seem sarcastic.

okay, i am definetly recognising paterns here, when i discoverd i had asperger i too began acting emotions, practicing my facial expressions etc. still, i realy feel that i am in love with her, i know im not forcing myself to feel that way, but sometimes i feel so hollow, maybe because i have become uncertain wich emotions are real and acted over the years, i realy became the role is should be, the perfect son my parents wanted me to be, anyway, im glad it's a normal thing, oh and what calandale said, sometimes i wonder if im not giving her too much attention

Women LOVE to talk about feelings/emotions...(NT women, at least; I am not sure on this regarding AS women). That is the good part. You can always just ask her!

"Honey - do I show you enough attention?" "Honey - do I show you enough affection?" "Do I make you happy?"

Don't ask those all at once, but from time to time if you are really wondering, it is perfectly fine to just ask her. She will most likely appreciate it and be happy to tell you how she feels about how you are treating her.

So the good part is, women love to talk about this stuff. Hee. We're not mysteries, unless someone wants us to be!

As for acting/not being sure what is real any more - that's why I feel it's always best to be 'yourself'. But I haven't faced some of the difficulties being misinterpreted (I have in other ways) regarding showing emotion. So I can also understand why someone would want to begin acting emotion.

I took acting classes actually - and those helped me know for sure what I feel is real...because it just feels different when I am conjuring it up to pour out on stage. Usually, it just feels bigger.

Maybe don't worry about labeling things - if you enjoy being with her, be with her. Sometimes stopping analysing things is good.

Unlikely. Almost all women that I've been with love the attention. The problem is that it is so easy to get used to someone, and stop showing all the affection. After a while, it seems like it should just be an assumed, yet reassurance is still necessary.

bad advise. first of all, if shes of low morality, shell abuse that, secondly, if you do too much of that...well shell grow tired of having to reassure you. its deffinetly a good thing to do yes, but take care not to overdo that.

also, how do you know you actually love her? wanting to be near to someone is not love. also it isnt odd not to love your girlfriend if its only been two months, though its cute if you do. anyway, you may be confusing love with....well a many different candidates there: affection, attention, lust, reassurance (social or emotional or something), being in love (differs from love), or lots of other things.

but this emotional numbness is really unpleasent, i know. what you could do is try to figure out what it is you like about her, what is it that it is this girl you yearn for, other then availability. it may lead you somewhere..

best of luck

Maybe I'm way too aspie... but I've come up with a theory.

The word love (as in the love of another person) can be broken down into two different catagories.

The first catagory is love of another person based on commitment. This is the love that you have for parents, grandparents, siblings, and best friends. These people can be ugly sometimes, annoying sometimes, rude sometimes, mean sometimes... they can even betray you sometimes but regardless of what happens you'll always love and care about them. This is because you have invested so much into the relationship with that person and developed a love based on commitment with them. They are inexorably tied to your life no matter what you do and both of you will always remember and care about the other.

The second catagory is love of another person based on attraction. Attraction can be physical attraction (IE: you like looking at her), mental attraction, attraction to her personality, attraction to the idea of a relationship with this person, attraction to money or sex or any other kinds of things you might attribute to attraction. If you are attracted enough, you will develop this kind of love for the person.

The problem arises because attraction always ends. We will always eventually get tired of the same board game over and over again, or get tired of eating the same meal every night, or get tired of watching re-runs of our favorite television shows. The same thing over and over again eventually wears down more and more until what used to be very attractive is now very mediocre.

This happens with people too. If you're attracted to your girlfriend on ten different levels, eventually (perhaps years and years later) the attraction will be dead. Sorry. Over. She's old hat. There's nothing new about her. If by that time you have not -developed- with her a love based on committment (Which requires trust, time, time, trust, time, trust, trust, and time.), then the relationship will fail. (Divorce) The goal is to allow one type of love develop into the other type of love before the transient love based on attraction fails or falters, or is replaced by another person who is far more attractive (Again, appearance or personality or humor or any other factors.)

Thus we have a logical view of love. Discuss.

well that aint so bad a representation of types of love. in philosophy, people often use some triangular theory of seven types of love based on three aspacts which are

commitment
passion
intimacy

then of these seven types of love, three of them are only one out of these three aspacts, three others are two out of the three, and then you can have all three of them. all these types of love have there own name (such as "consumnate love" which was intimacy plus passion), but im not gonna attempt to see if i can remember all seven.

well the whole theory is very similar to what you described, only more elaborate.
so screw "Maybe I'm way too aspie...", im certain you did better then the avarage NT would.

Yeah, that's just like me.
Only I have to feel certain things that I do feel for it to trigger. Then it takes your course.

Isn't the original poster referring simply to the difference between love and lust?

Doesn't seem like it to my reading. I dunno.

Oh sure. It's not entirely a matter of choice. But the concious effort is there.

Yeah, then pretty much the same.

Indeed. It's not even showing affection that's difficult, it's doing so in a manner that she accepts. Why are saying "I love you", hugging and caressing, and being kind and supportive not as valid as token gestures such as flowers, arranged events, or remembering odd dates? I shouldn't have to prove to someone that I love them, they should simply feel it. They haven't just awoken from a coma with amnesia. They remember and know all the things we've done together.

That said, because I'm outside of the norm, my position is indefensible. Most people are apparently keenly aware of 6 month anniversaries, or details about an evening 2 years ago, or topical greeting cards. These are the pillars of love.