Some girl problems. Please help.

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Asperger96
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30 Apr 2015, 9:04 am

So I met this girl, I posted about her before. We really hit it off and went out a few times. However, it seems that she's not interested in me like I am in her. Anyway, there is this fundraiser dance at her church next month, sort of like a prom. She asked me over a month ago, and I accepted. However, I've been having second thoughts. I don't want to spend allot of money on a ticket and go to a church in the heart of downtown (especially since I don't drive), when we may not even dance. Last time I hung out with her (last weekend), she didn't seem particuarly excited about the dance, and I didn't even think we'd dance together.

So, I texted her a few days later, telling her I'm having second thoughts about going. I don't know how to get there, and I'm not sure I'd have fun. So, our anxiety group met last night, and my best friend (who is the person who encourages me to actually have a life) runs the group. After it was over, the girl asked my friend to speak to her in private. My yearly intuition (in that I only feel it one time every year) kicked in, and I knew she wanted to talk about me, so I went for a walk.

On our way home (my friend drove me to and from group), my friend told me what this girl said. It turns out she was really upset I wanted to cancel. This means allot to her (which is why she asked me nearly two months in advanced), and if I don't go with her, she isn't going to go. My friend expressed some of my concerns, which she shot down: I didn't have to pay for a ticket because she already got one, and her dad said he would pick me up and drop me off. My friend said I was worried that she'd go off and talk with everyone while I just sat at the table the whole time.

This girl knows that I'm interested in her (because my aforementioned friend told her last month, before she invited me to this dance). She told my friend that she doesn't want to jump into a relationship because her last boyfriend didn't treat her well. She knows how I feel about her but has never brought it up with me.

I didn't realize how important this was to her, and now I have to go, I couldn't upset her that much :( Truth be told, I want to kinda distance myself from her, because being stuck in the friend zone hurts, and while I always have fun with her, after I hang out with her I feel a bit depressed.



vercingetorix451
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30 Apr 2015, 10:54 am

There's nothing wrong with being friends. Friendship is a great and wonderful thing. Just go to the event and try and have as good a time as you can with her. Who knows, maybe eventually she will open up and it will blossom into something more.



ProfessorJohn
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30 Apr 2015, 11:06 am

If you are really into her (and I don't doubt that you are) you need some time to demonstrate to her that you aren't a jerk like her old boyfriend. You know you aren't, your friend knows you aren't, but she is going to need good proof that you aren't. I am sure she didn't know how much of a jerk her old boyfriend was at first, either, so she is kind of scared that all men might in the end might turn out like that, or she feels that she isn't able to determine who is good for her, etc.

If you really want to pursue a relationship with her go to the dance even if it ends up being less than entertaining for you. It will show her that you do care what is important to her. That will mean a lot to her. If you do end up in a relationship with her (and I am hoping you do) you will have to do things in the future you don't really want to do, so this will be good training for it :D

I would definitely tell yourself repeatedly that you are going to have a good time at this dance. If you don't think you will, then you probably won't. Who knows, you might meet another girlfriend possibility if this one doesn't work out.



Asperger96
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30 Apr 2015, 11:16 am

ProfessorJohn wrote:
If you are really into her (and I don't doubt that you are) you need some time to demonstrate to her that you aren't a jerk like her old boyfriend. You know you aren't, your friend knows you aren't, but she is going to need good proof that you aren't. I am sure she didn't know how much of a jerk her old boyfriend was at first, either, so she is kind of scared that all men might in the end might turn out like that, or she feels that she isn't able to determine who is good for her, etc.

If you really want to pursue a relationship with her go to the dance even if it ends up being less than entertaining for you. It will show her that you do care what is important to her. That will mean a lot to her. If you do end up in a relationship with her (and I am hoping you do) you will have to do things in the future you don't really want to do, so this will be good training for it :D

I would definitely tell yourself repeatedly that you are going to have a good time at this dance. If you don't think you will, then you probably won't. Who knows, you might meet another girlfriend possibility if this one doesn't work out.


I would never hurt her or insult her like her ex. I do get the feeling that she has some trust issues. I really care about her, thats why I don't want to upset her. I didn't actually realize that this dance was important to her until I told her I was thinking about not going. But she felt really hurt by that, so I'm going. I already had something important with school that day, but I'm cancelling it so I can go with her.



ProfessorJohn
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01 May 2015, 8:51 am

Great move on your part. It will show her that what is important to her is important to you. Hope you have a good time at the dance, and that it all works out for you.