Awkward Silence.....

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I am an NT in a long-term relationship with an Aspie (6 years). I don't try to fix him or change him, but love him for who he is which is a very sweet man.

Here is my challenge. There are times (not all the time) where awkward silence is uncomfortable for me. For example this weekend, he was extremely quiet and didn't say anything all day Saturday and most of Sunday. When I would pry or ask what was wrong, he would say nothing, I am fine. It was just really awkward. But then Sunday afternoon he seemed fine and everything was okay.

How do I handle these moments of silence? I tend to take it personal and think I did something that upset him to make him withdraw. I tried to give him space and just focus on what I needed to do during that time without pressuring him to speak.

Any advice on how to handle these awkward moments and maybe why this happens?

Don't worry too much about silence. Sometimes we don't know what to say or we get inside our heads and become lost in thought.

That's how to handle it. Aspies don't consider silence awkward. We actually love silent moments because it gives us time to get lost in our thoughts and think about our interests, as Alex said above. Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish being silent because he's upset or being silent because he's thinking about different things, but if he's assuring you that he's fine, then odds are he's telling you the truth.

My brother also has Asperger's and he tends to go silent a lot, especially when he's playing video games. My sister-in-law has adapted to it by running errands or enjoying her own hobbies while he's quiet and hyperfocused on something.

I don't much like awkward silence unless watching something or doing something. however when I get sad I close myself off and stop talking. like if someone snaps at me. so i don't feel i should talk. other times I'm just sad and don't feel like talking or upsetting others. especially if i was dating and she said something that upset me, but I don't want her to know it did. for for the first two. hugs or cuddling would help along with comforting, though never had gf so I don't know for sure, but its what I desire when like that. but aspies are different and many dont' care for touching, others like those above like silence.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I am an aspie and there are a lot of times where I will pull away and not talk to anyone.

Thank you so much for your feedback. I will let it go and not worry about it then based on all of your insights.

Just a different way of processing and communicating. I am a talker, so silence is hard for me at times. I am trying to understand the idea of your brain "being busy" with lots of thoughts so you don't talk, but to me I will just talk about all of those thoughts regardless if they are meaningless. If I am thinking it, you will know it. Quite opposite from him.

Thank you!