Died laughing from this letter I got on dating site

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Sent to my inbox from someone I never heard of. <Mythical animal> removed because his user name *is* the mythical animal.

My name is Shaman <mythical animal>. I bid you greetings and tis a pleasure to meet you I'm sure.

I'm a Master of the Second Order which means I've been in this realm for over twenty years and counting. I am the Lord and Master of the House of <mythical animal>.

This lifestyle should be enjoyed, it should be made to be as thrilling as it is intense. It cannot be taught by those who sit behind a computer screen and pretend to be that which they are not. It takes years of TRUE training under the watchful eye of a Master of the Arts (myself 3yrs) who is the only one who can profess a worthy apprentice trained and give name to him, not something someone names themself and claim Dom.

So if you tire of the cyber-playing, none knowing p**** hunters who seem to flood these sites, come and let us build a trust and talk of things that thrill you to the core by the mere thought of them. I bid you adieu.

Shaman <mythical animal>

He sounds like a real catch

At least he could have talked about his family or something.

Sounds sort of creepy to me.

Would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

What an a***hole.

Definitely not worthy of Molly's attention.

At least, not until he reaches twelfth-order status and has a few apprentices of his own.

In layman's terms, I'm twenty something, looking for a relationship, and possibly a furry or otherkin. Want to meet offline sometime?

"You ain't got to lie to kick it."

I'll have whatever meds that mythical animal is having.

When I'm not busy being a Master of the Second Order, I can be found in the alley behind Walmart with a trolley safeguarding some of the World's most valuable treasures, like the Most Holy Chipped Bottle of Bud and the Sacred Baked Bean Can of Dents.

I keep the warring treasure seekers at bay with Spells of Enchantment that only a Master of the Second Order can speak. One of those is the Dark Spell of Boding, which goes: "f**k off, they're mine!"

Someone is playing D&D too much.

Or he's trying to be "different".

Mythical Creature?

Unicorn? Griffin? Orc? Dragon? Hobbit? Vampire?

^Muffin man.

If that doesn't turn you on, I cannot imagine anything will! Sounds like the catch of a lifetime, you should go for it!

I would respond (favorably) if I got this kind of message from a woman, even though I'm not into mythology or roleplaying. At least it would show that she's got a lively inner/imaginary world, as opposed to being another person trying to impress me with the foreign countries she's traveled to or how otherwise "worldly" or "cosmopolitan" she is. Maybe I have low standards, but at least I would've found someone unusual (though who knows if we'd have anything in common).

I'm with biostructure. If a womon sent me this, I would be thrilled.