Find it hard to talk about yourself during a date

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kanashimoo
Raven
Raven

Joined: 23 May 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 117
Location: Vancouver, Canada

03 May 2015, 4:22 am

I'm seeing another autistic girl who is a journalism student, very into movies, manga, Disney, plays and choir. I've spent a lot of my prior years playing various games, mostly computer, but also card games & board games. I have watched a bit of anime and read a bit of manga back in high school but not nearly to the extent she has. I'm trying to break out of a closed shell and try as many things as possible now, eating out at various places, trying various activities and events, but I find it hard to connect by exposing myself to her. She always tells me that she feels like she's dragging me around everywhere.

All throughout my life I've found it difficult to find overlaps in interests with people and to tell people about myself. Its like my interests can be highly restricted, flutter away at moment's notice, and I have no idea what I want to do or enjoy. Its just tough to connect with people or show them what I enjoy. I almost feel like thats what I am to be myself, unsure of anything, even what I like to do.

The thing is, I'm generally cheery and I like to be down with anything. I'm perfectly content just exploring her life and interests. Aside from thrill rides in an amusement park, I find it fun to just follow people around, though others are well within their rights to find it awkward.

I'm not really sure it'd be pertinent to talk to her about geopolitical current events or how I'm blindly investing in the stock market..

Advice? * I am male despite my display picture, taken in Germany.


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kanashimoo
Raven
Raven

Joined: 23 May 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 117
Location: Vancouver, Canada

11 May 2015, 2:27 am

Bumpity. I guess I'll remake the post later in a more easily comprehensible way if I get no replies.


_________________
Specialisterne is an international nonprofit which has the singular goal of enabling 1 million jobs for people on spectrum. DO check them out! I conducted an interview on national radio regarding my experiences with Specialisterne and SAP.

On a more local level, Focus Professional Services is a consulting organization based in Vancouver, Canada that attempts to hire people on the spectrum to act as IT consultants. They're a very new organization.

For those of us in Vancouver, there is an Aspies Meetup group; pm me if you're interested. I look forward to seeing anyone in Vancouver either in person or in a larger gathering!


AlexanderDantes
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jun 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 319

12 May 2015, 9:48 am

Sometimes finding mutual interest or ground can be hard but you can start by relating to one another on the basic needs or concerns that we all have. The most important aspect is to show genuine interest in someone, it might be focused on their career or health..

Women are emotional, they think in emotion so you need to stimulate those emotions. There is no point in going on about something intuitively logically if she can't relate to it or feels no emotional attachment to it.

I think emotional connectivity is what hinders most men with Autism and I know it hindered me in the past. Don't self obsessively talk about yourself or anything for that, let them talk and ask some questions which show genuine and sincere interest. I have to remind myself to not speak obsessively or lose myself in something.