Partner has Aspergers/mental health issues

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Hi everyone,

I'm new here but just wanted to ask for some advice. I don't know much about ASD but my boyfriend has mild asperger's. He also has depression and anxiety.

He lives in another country. We haven't been together long. I'm finding it difficult to deal with his behaviour. I'm not sure what to say that's helpful as he doesn't really seem to listen and just shuts down; I'm scared of driving him away.

I also have depression and anxiety so I can empathise. But while me meeting him has helped my depression his seems to be getting worse. I'm going to visit him very soon and part of me is worried that it will be a disaster, that he either won't be there waiting on me, or he'll be moody and uncommunicative. I'm spending a lot of money going to visit him and want us to have fun but he's so depressed just now instead of looking forward to a lovely visit with him I'm stressing out with it all. I asked if he wasn't wanting me to go now and he said it's not that, he's just depressed about the future, money and so on. These are concerns I have too but I seem to be better at dealing with them than he is. It's upsetting because he's smart and funny and I hate to see him like this.

Might write more later when I'm less tired, but just wanted to get this out. Thanks to anyone who replies.

eta: he is up and down constantly. Over the top lovey dovey and enthusiastic one day and crashing depression and ranting about life the next. Almost like he's bi-polar but not sure if bi-polar disorder means you're up and down as frequent as he is. It's difficult but I want to help him through.

It seems as if you've paid for the tickets already. Did you get travel insurance?

To tell you the truth: I really can't predict what's going to happen--but it looks like it might not be a good experience. Hopefully, though, the guy will be excited just to see you when you first arrive. Maybe you guys will hit it off once you meet in person. It's so much different meeting somebody in person than just "talking" over the Internet.

Has he been diagnosed with Asperger's?

Hi, yes everything's arranged! Sorry I didn't explain very well - this isn't the first time we'll have met - he visited me last year. We got on well although there was a few small issues. So now it's my turn to visit him. I think he will be happy to see me but he's just got so many issues and think he's feeling stressed out due to various things going on in his life and not sure which way to turn.

He's been diagnosed with mild Asperger's. I'm not sure what to say to him when he's on a downer but I think it will be easier to communicate when we're together, rather than by messaging. I hope so anyway, I want this to work.

Sounds a lot very similar to how I used to be but I don't have any advice to give either of you.

Well, I might say one, the worries that I used to have pretty much mostly went away once I was re-programmed into being able to see that opportunities are everywhere, instead of opportunities only knocking once, but boy did I used to get scammed a lot by all of those scammers selling all of those so-called opportunities, too.

Anyway, stay away from those psychiatric-prescriptions, for they are actually frequently the cause of so-called mental-disorders, rather than any real or genuine treatment. You have been warned...