Frustrated and confused - need advice

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My entire life (ok, not all 33 yrs, but a good majority of it) has been spent observing people and researching how one should act. If I couldn't figure it out by observation, I looked for a book or looked online to get an answer. Since I don't seem to intuitively get the whole social thing, I deal with it intellectually. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this.

I just recently found out about AS. Before that, I usually went under the assumption that I was weird and that the way I was in relationships (needing lots of time alone, going through alternating periods of obsessiveness and wanting nothing to do with the person I'm with, going through alternating periods of wanting to be affectionate and not wanting to be affectionate) was because of me being weird.

Anyway, my accumulated knowledge about how other people act in relationships told me that when you date a guy and he doesn't want to spend a lot of time with you and doesn't call you back (and plays WOW all day while you're over at his house), it means that he's not really interested in you.

I'll be honest, I'm pretty paranoid about being aware if someone doesn't return your feelings. I'm terrified of rejection and even more terrified of feeling stupid so when the guy I recently dated acted in the way I described above, I freaked. I'm not going to go into the details of what happened because this post is long enough. Lets just say, that situation is what led me to find out about AS. I'm pretty sure now that that's what I was dealing with (made the mistake of trying to tell him that - didn't go over well).

I've never had to deal with another "me" in a relationship before. After it was over, I realized the way he was was exactly what I needed but unfortunately, my freaking out left him with the impression that I was clingy, which in reality is about as opposite from me as it gets.

So, to finally get to the point. I don't need advice about the guy. I need to know how to tell in the future if I'm dealing with another Aspie or if I'm dealing with someone who just doesn't want to be with me or someone who is using me. I ended up wondering if I should feel used after this whole experience. I don't know for certain that the guy has AS, maybe he was just a jerk and I couldn't tell the difference. I don't feel like I can rely on the info I always relied on in the past and I feel a bit lost.

I hope this makes sense. I know I tend to ramble and I apologize if that's what I've done here.

Doc Gamester here.

I know totally how you feel.

I'm 19, soon to be 20.

and knowing the signs and everything is muy importante.

I have a habit of dating older women, so I sorta know how it needs to be played.

These things are hard to gauge if you don't know the guy very well yet. Maybe ask yourself these questions:
1) Does he like to do nice things for you, and do you like to do nice things for him?
2) Does he try to avoid hurting you, and do you try to avoid hurting him?
3) Are you both comfortable spending a day together, and are you both also comfortable spending a day apart?

If you can say "Yes" to all of these questions, then I would say you have a good relationship going.

ok so i havent read through your post all the way... i stopped at "WOW"

plz dont let his WoW addiction imply that he doesn't like you....

WoW is crack and you either need to start playing too or just let the fad fade lol

nothin personal... i'd be plugged in to it if i wern't at work procrasnitating by surfing WP lol

i try to treat people like i treat my cats...

which is to respect whatever quirks they have or else they might scratch and bite you...

try to do that and you'll find they come to sit in your lap and pur of their own volition


people are like that too... so i think that's why "clingy" can be so bothersome... it has to occur to them on their own to invole you in their lives...

however... i will give you that WoW is not very conducive to this lol

but it is fun!

Thanks for the responses. Maybe I'm over analyzing this too much (I tend to do that). A friend of mine told me I need to try and stop intellectualizing things so much, but I'm not exactly sure of how to do that.

The guy I was talking about was pretty rude to me and didn't seem like he was making too much of an effort to not hurt me. I told him something he was doing (dropping off the face of the earth for days and not returning my phone calls) was upsetting me and he kept doing it anyway. He also told me he wanted to date other people so he could find his soul mate, which I took to mean "You're good enough for now until I find someone I really want to be with."

I guess the rejection just really still hurts. My normal instinct is to figure out how not to get hurt again but I guess there's no way to really 100% guard against that aside from never dating again.