Your experiences dating NT's

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Just wondering how you guys have found dating NT's
Whether it never gets past the dating phase or your whole relationship experience.

I don't date well, too honest, bit awkward with my topics of conversation.
Always get girls that want to move very quickly, or not serious about dating (just horny).

Personally I've only been in a relationship once.
It was before I realised I had Aspergers.
She accused me of being indifferent, which I did not deny, it was true.
I've intense interests that I focus on to the detriment of all other things lol, surprise surprise.
Otherwise the relationship was not too bad, I was very young and immature.

Since then I've struggled to have a good job, and this makes it very difficult to be attractive (my life is a process of moving house/region, struggling through stressful/low pay jobs, poverty & jobless assistance.

[note on my bad spelling, I use 's' instead of 'z' on purpose due to American's messing everything up with their zeds .

To me it doesn't matter but I've only dated another Aspie once and it didn't end well for us. I've never fit in well with either crowd because I tend to be quiet and private, and not a smiler. Other introverts are often fine.

Both Aspies and NTs can come across as controlling, judgmental, and stuck in their ways to me sometimes. They just have to be the right kind of person on the inside.

I only dated one NT & it was mostly an online relationship. We really connected cuz she had dyslexia, sever ADHD & alittle OCD & I have those things as well. The reason the relationship didn't work out is because she had problems with drugs & alcohol & I got controlling because I was having panic attacks worrying about her due to my anxiety & OCD. I was never able to get in a relationship with another NT because I'm disabled & too direct & straightforward.
My 2nd & current girlfriend are on the spectrum thou.

My ex was a great guy and incredibly, super social. He seemed to know pretty much everyone and would often introduce me to anyone who stopped by to say hi, which was difficult but well, probably a very normal thing to do when you're in a relationship. I don't have a negative opinion of him because of it but we did eventually run into problems with communication. He was very vocal in his supposed love of me (I try not to sound cold about these things!) but the more he said it, like a broken reel, the more I didn't believe him, because those 3 words are the hardest, most dangerous words for me. His overuse of them made him seem insincere. I am a firm believer that some things are (spoken) better in actions, and comfortable silence. His eventual insistence I tell him 'I love him' (he would wheedle me constantly about it) was the final nail in the coffin of our time together. He probably thought that I didn't love him but the irony is that wasn't entirely true. I thought he was the best and cared for him a great deal. We had some fun times overall, but yep, things became rocky once he started that up. He must have 'got over' me quickly though, as it wasn't long before I heard he had a new girlfriend. Wish them the best.

Sounds as if he was young, quite emotional.
He could have rebounded or be snapped up by someone that had her eyes on him for a while, or craved his intense emotions.
People often fall out of love. And NT's can be very fickle, especially when young.

You sound very mature & reasonable.
I had the same kind of trouble, I loved her, but I was not "In love" with her.

All of my relationships with Aspie males ended horribly.

The first one was a liar and a cheat, decided to follow his fathers footsteps in ripping people off. Stole money off me and tried to rape one of my autistic female friends. I ended it because I wanted to literally murder him.

The second one didn't understand what a persona was and got in a huge argument with me about it and I thought his reasoning was ridiculous and ended it. He was super jealous of other males approaching me anyway.

The third one didn't seem to want to show any emotion and a lot of the things he did were super cold hearted. He never bought me any gifts in return or did anything fun either. I ended it because I was pretty bored of him.

The fourth was too childish, he hadn't learned how to get to the stage of acting his age yet. He didn't understand how to adult properly and he was a bit cringeworthy because he thought he knew best about everything and always landed himself into trouble, so I got bored of sorting his problems out and ended it.

NT males I've had the longest relationships with, keep in mind I only date goth/metalhead dudes so they are pretty open minded as it is. They all understood I was autistic and didn't mind, they saw through the problems I had and we found ways around them or did other stuff or they'd simply do certain stuff for me cause I'd freak out otherwise.

I guess I've just learned how to handle NT males after some practice. It's not that hard now, just a bit confusing at times. If anything, they have more work cut out dealing with my problems but none of the NT men I've dated have ever seemed to mind too much.

I've just realised I've never actually been broken up with, I've always ended relationships. Strange.

My Aspie partner and I have been together for almost 12 years. There have been rough patches along the way, but that's to be expected with any relationship. I think it works for us because, while I'm NT, I'm very introverted so I'm perfectly happy having a lot of alone time and I understand why he wants it too.

Our beginning was very rocky, because while I wanted to date him, he didn't think I was good enough for him and he had his eyes on a very attractive woman he worked with. When I found out he was trying to date her, I told him to not contact me again, that I was not looking for a friendship. And when she found out he was autistic she gave him the boot, which left him losing us both. He came back to me, wanting to try again, and I told him he would need to grow up and decide what it was he actually wanted, because I would not tolerate someone who acted like a spoiled teenager. He agreed to work on it and that was more than 12 years ago.

Our biggest problem is with things like changes in environment or habit. When we go on trips, our daily routine changes and I handle it MUCH better than he does. Each vacation we've been on, he's had a mini melt down, which I can't understand and see as childish, but it's something I have to deal with because he can't change it.

Other than that, we work well together. Better than when I dated any NTs.

Thanks to eveyone that has paticipated in the survey so far.

Lunela, those are some very insightful stories thankyou.

While my AS is very mild I can be a little firm in my stances, this has lessened with age.
Definitely took me ages to grow up. Though I never had a good rolemodel.
Perhaps the breakup thing is because you are very pretty (they are believe you are the best they can get) - in my opinion.

luhluhluh
Yes I figure alone time & understanding of each others requirements for this is something that would make AS relationships work.
Once upon a time I travelled with my NT girlfriend, and we were about to leave, but she wanted a thousand photographs (really only 10), but I was desperate to get back early just in case something happened that delayed me (I did not want to be late or miss work), also to beat any traffic.
Another time she paid for my plane ticket, but did not have enough to book return flights, this made me very uncomfortable. Also due to the job thing.
Ironically I hated that low paying job, and now would not even care to much.
I still dislike taking risks, got my first cellphone in 2007, then smartphone in 2015.
Dislike flying and driving (though no phobias or anything).

This doesn't pertain exactly to the question in the thread but sort of relates to it... I don't know what I am as far as the spectrum goes or if I'm even on it, but I will say I am generally an introvert. However, I do best with girls that are the opposite, and quite extroverted/talkative (what some people see as "normal"). Then I almost become like them and match their level of outwardness. It's weird... But I think it's a complementary thing, as in we complete each other, as cheesy as that sounds. I don't do well with girls that are too shy and introverted themselves, because it just becomes awkward and there's not enough back and forth to form effective connections. Unless I happen to know them very well and we're on the same wavelength and can communicate well through few words and even silence, but that's rare.

As long as the other person is interested and intellectually or even just verbally stimulating enough, it works fine. I can start convos on my own, but if the other person doesn't reciprocate enough or just ends them after a little bit, I don't bother carrying on with them anymore. I pretty much always respond to something people say, but they have to say something. I've come to realize I'm actually not as "private" a person as I thought I was; I do like to share a lot about myself on dates, and sometimes take it too far or give too much info too early because I'm overeager lol. I've had to learn to control myself.

I guess I tend to match other peoples vibe or demeanor very much; I almost feed on their positive vibe if it's there and those are the best interactions. If the vibe they project through tone, words, actions, and body language is less enthusiastic or negative, I do very poorly in the situations because I let it affect me.

There wasn't an option for it doesn't matter. But I've had positive and negative relationships with NT and other aspies. I think its more finding something trust worthy and accepting you for you. One NT guy tried to kill me, one aspie took a lot of money from me and sexual abused me. But I've also had some positive relationships with both, but it didn't work out for other reasons... generally me being to clingy.

Sorry about that.

Yeah, seems like society is a spectrum. Wish they would identify sociopaths and segregate them - would make society a lot more bearable.