Am I alone in this?

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Maybe it's just me.

I'm in a relationship with someone (who is NT). Due to various circumstances, I can foresee a breakup in the near future. I of course want to end it as soon as possible, there's no point in waiting around on it. I made my lists, analysed, processed everything, weighed it all, and came up with a decision. Once I have that decision in my mind (like how it's probably best if we don't see each other anymore), it's almost as if there is no changing it.

When it comes down to "the talk" people say I'm cold hearted because I don't really act emotional (seeing that I made the decision based on logic of course). Once I'm done spewing facts and give my detailed list of logical reasons - the guy is left there kind of dumbfounded. I feel bad, I mean I don't want to hurt anyone, but what am I supposed to do? I can't pretend to be all emotional, people see RIGHT through fake-ness.

Frankly, it totally sucks that I have to end it with him because I've definitely started falling in love him. I don't even think I can change my own mind.

Most people I know say breakups are this huge emotion ridden blowup/meltdown where they lose control of all logical reasoning. It's kind of the opposite for me. I subconsciously shut my emotion off which makes me seem so cold to people.

Has this happened to anyone else?

I experience severe anxiety if a relationship *might* end, or if it's going badly. Once I make a final decision to end it, all I feel is a sense of relief. I guess I prefer a horrible end to horrors without end.

I, myself, have a very difficult time "ending" relationships, and have suffered because of this lack of "courage."

No matter how much of a desire I have to end the relationship, I feel sad afterwards, and confused. Sometimes, I've felt relief, though.

Why do you feel you want to end the relationship with this person? This is not meant as a critical question at all. You have the right to want to end the relationship.

Do you feel like the person isn't the "right one?" If so, I would definitely end it.

Do you have a feeling that the person "might" be the "right one?"

For me it depends on whether I am the Dumper or the Dumpee.

If I am the one initiating the break-up then I have already analyzed things, come to my decision, and done whatever grief work needs doing. I can then usually go into the "this isn't working for me" talk rather dispassionately. Emotionally I am already gone.

If I am the one being dumped, then I can initially experience all the bad feelings one would expect until I can do the needed grief work.

Either way, that's just the way I process things. If it is different than the stereotypical Hollywood-style big emotional drama then what the heck, so be it.

I did not take it as critical, thank you for clarifying though.

I would like to say that he could be a "right one," but I believe there is more than just one "right one." Not that you are implying this, but-I believe there are too many people on this planet to say there are "soulmates."

I am not sure if it would be a great idea to continue dating him because of several reasons. One being, the difference in "future children." I want zero. He has stated he wants many. We haven't discussed it yet, because I felt it was too soon. We have yet to make a real commitment, and a clear definition of our relationship, even though we have admitted we're not seeing anyone else. We have established (about a month ago) that we both are very much on the same page, in regards to moving further with our relationship though. He will be going back to his hometown for several months, and for me personally, I have to physically see my partner in a relationship (my love language is Quality Time). I think it would be different if we had been together for a long time, I could probably handle it. But since it's remotely new, there's no real promise (and I wouldn't expect it either) that he wouldn't change his mind about me while he was away. Sometimes absence doesn't make the heart grow "fonder," sometimes it just adds distance and makes things that were once black and white, turn grey.

Maybe I'm just scared that he's going to move on because of the distance, leaving me to a broken heart. I'd rather move on before that happens. It may also be a bad expectation. I just don't want to go months without seeing him and be miserable - not knowing what will transpire, because the outcome is unknown. I've had too many bad experiences with people changing their mind over the course of "going away" for a while.

I think what you are feeling is valid, and has a basis in reality.

I believe, yes, one could have more than one soulmate.

I would not break up with him---but I would not base all my feelings/happiness solely on him. I would pursue ny own autonomy and individuality.

Thank you for your input