Fear and Loathing Toward my Future, Nonexistent Wife

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Before I catch any heat from other WP-ers, I want to make it 100% clear that I have plenty of respect for women overall. First, there's my mother, sister, aunt, etc. Second, I have no problem interacting with women in work and social situations, and oftentimes, a mixed company is more fun than an a single-gender company, even if sex is the very last thing that will happen. Third, there's no way I'll go out to a club and dance with a dude, let alone go further. The only place I've danced with men (in a group) is at a Jewish wedding, where that's part of the ceremony procedures.

HOWEVER, I feel true fear and loathing toward a person who's not even a part of my life yet! (And probably never will be.) That person is my future wife. I suppose the fear and loathing also extends toward my future long-term girlfriend. Somehow, I keep having visions of her doing these things:
* Vandalizing my car in retaliation for something I did, then denying everything
* Making me sleep on the couch after an argument
* Abusing me every day, both verbally and physically
* Screaming at me for hours on end, then saying I deserved it all
* Formatting my computer after getting angry at me for forgetting her birthday, then laughing in my face about it
* Cheating on me with a man who's more alpha than me
* Emptying out my bank account in the divorce proceedings
* "Trapping" me with a pregnancy without my knowledge
* Putting up my information and photos on DontDateHimGirl .com

This has caused to take some extreme precautions with new women I date, engaging in actions bordering those I fear. I suppose there will be people who'll say "Maybe that's why you're alone!" But it's either that or losing a car I'm still making payments on.
* Finding out her last name one way or another, in case I have to report her to the police
* Parking my car in well-lit, heavily-trafficked area, to deter her from vandalizing it
* Hiding everything in my home that's irreplaceable or contains bank account information when she comes over
* Breaking off everything at the first instance she raises her voice at me
* Using plastic plates (albeit the good kind) to serve meals at my place, so she doesn't break it if she gets angry

Somehow, I had no such feelings toward women I've dated casually, or during flings when traveling. Also never had such feelings toward my female friends, as well as women in platonic contexts (work, dance lessons, sports groups, etc). Then I have no problem enjoying their company as human beings, without a worry in the world other than treating them with decency. Quite a few women in those contexts even said I was "so much fun". I also have no problem enjoying the company of seeing escorts, which isn't exactly platonic, but hey.

I suppose the media is to blame for all this. For the past 20 years, TV shows have been largely anti-male, with inordinate numbers of women flat-out destroying their romantic partners by their behavior. YouTube posts of women trashing their boyfriend's car because he forgot their anniversary are adding fuel to the fire as well. I'm sure they're meant to warn men to remember anniversaries better, but they're only deterring me from entering a relationship in the first place. (Ironically, a lot of foreign films and telenovelas show men, not women, doing this.)

So, yeah! I can't be the only aspie man who feels this way.

You forgot the one where your wife cuts your dick off in your sleep because she thinks you are having an affair.
Have you ever noticed how amusing women find it for a man to have his penis cut off?
Imagine if a man was seen laughing when he heard a women had her breasts cut off! It wouldn't happen, men like women and wouldn't want anything bad to happen to them.
Women though have been taught that man is the enemy, they take this battle of the sexes seriously.
It is a shame that womankind has been ruined, possibly forever.
I hope they will be happy with their cats.
Stay safe my friend.

Wow, have you let the world do a job on you! None of those things are common occurrences or even "normal" when couples break up; I don't know anyone who has done pretty much any of those things, and I know plenty of women who had solid reasons to be vengeful after a relationship broke up. They may have talked about revenge, but they never actually seriously ever considered acting on it. The stuff that gets reported on-line is usually a one in a million circumstance - it is the rarity that makes it news in the first place.

The ones I've known to happen: someone sleeping on the couch (early in a relationship that might be times you both really do need space - but a guest room is more comfortable), and someone trying to trap a guy with a pregnancy. But in the later case, well, I KNEW that woman was up to something and the guy was an IDIOT not listening to me when I told him to put her on a plane back home NOW and then not only not sending her home, but sleeping with her ... Point being, if you are dating that level of crazy, believe me, other people will know and someone will tell you.

If you are happy with casual friendships and relationships, then it is fine to keep things the ways you have, but if you ever meet someone that makes you, well, actually want a serious relationship - - I think you need to work through these fears with a professional therapist.

For the record, I don't find it amusing. If I laugh at it, it is from shock.

You can't speak of "women" as if we all share a thought process - we don't. Man is not my enemy and I am not involved in any battle of the sexes, although I will stand up for my rights if anyone tries to trample on them (and will respect you if you do the same).

Who the heck do you guys hang out with to get such a distorted view?

I've wondered that here a lot lately. I also second everything DW said.

I've never laughed at a person being hurt in any way.

I'd recommend you avoid relationships until you can sort out some of this stuff you're projecting. It sounds like a lot of baggage to take into any relationship. Maybe you are projecting all of that stuff because you're afraid of ever being vulnerable enough to be in a romantic relationship? Those sorts of paranoias would certainly prevent you from having any kind of relationship that is functional and healthy. Maybe that's the point?

First of all, most professional therapists are quacks! They grill you with "how did that make you feel" until you tell them a bold-faced lie to get them off your back (and then compliment you for your... wait for it... honesty). Even the good ones will spend most the session convincing me I'm wrong if my beliefs don't go along with those of the mainstream society. (That's "must settle down and get married, even if it'll turn me into a shadow of my former self" because that's what "society" worships.)

Contrary to the popular belief, showing vulnerability in a relationship is BAD, if not downright dangerous. According to evolutionary theory, women want a dominant male; show any weakness, and you'll end up abused. I know I'm not dominant or alpha, so why put myself in situations where I know I'll fail. Of course, I've seen plenty of guys I know in happy relationships, but those guys are quite alpha. They'll know how to nip abuse in the bud if it starts; I won't. Then after marriage, I'll lose all my money in a divorce to someone who thinks low of me.

Before a mod locks this thread as misogynist, I want to reiterate that some of the most fun times I had were in mixed company, both with friends and new people I met, even when nothing sexual happened. Mixed company brings in elements to the table that single-gender groups don't have. And yet, there was no vulnerability or danger there, just shared good times. It's intimate relationships that can be dangerous to me, due to risk of me being emotionally, if not physically, abused.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 24 Feb 2015, 11:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You've got a distorted perception of relationships and women. I can't help with either of those things.

While it's true that the majority of women are predisposed to preferring dominance for evolutionary reasons, this is not always the case. Just find someone with less structurally typical female neurological development and you might have more luck (asperger's for example). Even though they are a minority and may be hard to find, it's better than being in a bad relationship where you would have to put on an act in order to attract your partner.

My last girlfriend.

I hadn't gone out with women for years then last year figured I would try again so joined a couple of dating sites.
Never again.
The only good thing was that it confirmed I hadn't wasted my life not having relationships but that I had been doing the right thing all those years. It also taught me that women don't mellow with age, rather they get the confidence to not even bother to hide their craziness.

I will acknowledge that my experience is with London girls who are possibly the most extreme example of whats wrong with modern women.

Just remembered back in my twenties, my best friend got a girlfriend, she was jealous of anything he did that didn't revolve around her, I was down the garage with him and he had been polishing his motorbike, the women suddenly appeared, picked up a bowl of dirty engine oil and poured it over his bike then stabbed him with a rusty dart so we had to take him to hospital for a shot.
The idiot still married the women, she pushed a tree in a planter over the balcony whilst I was below because she had changed her mind about allowing him out, the planter hurt my back as it scraped down, a few inches further forward it would have killed me.
After a few years she did the divorce steal all his money thing which is the main thing that all women do, he had to lose his house and then live with me for a while.
My other friend had lost two houses to women.

Oh, and my mother.

You would still laugh, no man I know would laugh at cut boobs news out from shock.

That's a so odd reaction.

Either by a crazy wife or by her crazy family.

http://www.dailystar.com.lb/News/Local- ... riage.ashx

If a group of men were laughing and joking about cut breasts on tv, they would be arrested and the channel would be shut down next day.

This. You have to help yourself. You seem to realize that your views are toxic and distorted so thats a good start.

[MODERATOR]

Tone-it-down with the, "All women are terrible," crap, please.

Thank you.

[/MODERATOR]

XFilesGeek is right! The fear and loathing is toward my future, nonexistent wife, not all women, so let's keep it there. I've said before, women are cool to be around. I just don't want a long-term relationship, let alone marriage, knowing what happens to men in those things. Still, I'm also careful what I say at work to avoid getting stuck with sexual harassment charges, but my department is all dudes, so that's somewhat of a moot point.

I actually learned to carry myself alpha-like enough that I get plenty of respect from women, but in short-term situations only. The fake alpha persona I put on is like catching fish faster than they can reproduce: unsustainable. Once my long-term girlfriend or wife learns my weaknesses, she'll start abusing me day in and day out, until I go insane or harm myself from all the abuse. It's technically not even her fault; it's an evolutionary instinct to keep beta males out of the gene pool. But since I'm the one suffering for it, it's my responsibility to take precautions to protect myself.