We broke up

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I don't know if you all remember awhile back, but I posted a topic here and asked for your opinions on something. The advice given here was solid and helpful. And, as it turns out the fellow that also went to the same autism meetings ended up asking me out. The chemistry seemed good and very mutual.

So, things were very good at first, we went out a couple of times with no problems. Just in case this should be mentioned again for new readers...was wanting to try a FWB type of situation that might turn into more. Then a bit later I mentioned that the distance was becoming too much b/c I was always the one reserving a place to stay and then driving up to his city. He was on a much tighter budget than me it seemed, so at first...I was okay with this. But later, when money also got tight for me...I requested that perhaps we should take a break unless one of us (who were both looking for full-time jobs at the time) could possibly end up finding jobs in the same town if we applied in the same general location.

Then, I posted something on my Facebook (a video) about how this sweet guy reminded me of a man that I'd recently dated and that the only thing that was really keeping up apart was distance and finances. He read what I'd wrote (since we were still friends on FB) and sent me an email to assure me that he was still looking for work near where my new location/job would be. So we reconnected for a brief time and all was well, at least somewhat, for the first evening...minus some time misunderstandings and something he'd said that I had probably took the wrong way. But nonetheless, what he said hurt. But in his defense, he did say he was very sorry several times via text.

Anyhow...please understand that I have been having SERIOUS mood swings lately combined with moderated to severe depression. Not sure if that is linked to my autism but it most likely is. Well...I had finally in recent weeks reached out to my psychiatrist who has prescribed me 3 medications.

One of the meds was called Vyvanse and it caused me to feel much more irritable and quite verbally aggressive. This particular medication is known to be sold on the street and is a controlled substance due to the intensity of it. Now I wish the Dr. had never prescribed it to me! Ugh. Sorry but needed to vent. By this point I yelled at him via text messages a few times, and he decided to not only unfriend me on FB but believe that he also may have blocked my phone number. I tried my very best to reach him to explain that the doctor had sincerely apologized to me and said that he was sorry that some people do have this very adverse reaction and get very angry. But now, it seems it is too late...and I've been crying daily over what he must think of my getting on to him over simple things.

So to sum it up...my heart is broken and there is no way of talking with him. That is other than to show up to those out-of-town meetings but at this point I don't want to infringe upon his privacy and he may not even be open to hearing my side of what happened...as he may believe that the new medication would only be an excuse. I could say more, but will stop there. If you have read everything up to this point, thank you. Please let me know what you think.

P.S. Here is something that I found on a website (www.rxlist.com) about adverse reactions to this drug:
"Tell your doctor right away if you have any serious side effects, including: blurred vision, fast/pounding/irregular heartbeat, mental/mood/behavior changes (such as agitation, aggression, mood swings, depression, hallucinations, abnormal thoughts/behavior), uncontrolled movements, muscle twitching/shaking, numbness/pain/skin color change/sensitivity to temperature in the fingers or toes, outbursts of words/sounds, change in sexual ability/interest, swelling ankles/feet, extreme tiredness, rapid/unexplained weight loss, frequent/prolonged erections (in males)"

That really sucks. Sorry to hear it.

Give it some time. In time he might accept an apology and forgive you. It's might be best if you don't bring up the medication until after that time.

I mean, I had a person once, who said and did some pretty lousy things to me. Things that cut to the bone. Things i wasn't sure i could forgive. That i haven't forgiven.

We didn't speak for a long while, and then lost touch completely for a couple years.

She turns up online and wants to be friends. She has a kid from some guy she cheated on me with. She'd been committed to the psych ward and gone through medical model therapy, and wanted to try the "it wasn't me it was my depression" line, and, specifically, not take responsibility for her words and actions. She wanted me to pretend she hadn't done that stuff. Pretending she hadn't done it was something that was working out pretty well for her.

That was more than a decade ago, and if i ever hear from her again it'll be too soon.



Distance can be a real challenge. A couple years ago i met a lady who i get along with real well. She's hilarious, smart, etc.

She also lives 100 miles away and is on an independent streak having divorced a schlub that she was married to for more than 10 years, who can't be bothered to see his children unless it coincides with a football game.

Yeah, she has two kids, who appear cute in pictures and video, whom i haven't met, though she's known me for more than 2 years now.

She goes into a panic whenever the suggestion of a meaningful relationship appears.

After my last visit to her town, about 9 months ago, i had plenty of time to think on the drive home, and i decided that i was wasting my time trying to push for a relationship she clearly doesn't want. A relationship that isn't practical anyway, since she's set on living where she is now, and I'm set on living far from there.

Sucks. We're still friends and she still wants to go out, and i'm just not all that interested in being some guy who has the opportunity to entertain her for a few hours at her leisure every several weeks.

Yes, all of that makes sense. Your insight into what he could think if the medication issue was mentioned. The doctor (and NP) told me since they are trying to get things right with my meds, it could be months or longer before beginning to feel better, especially when they have to try different ones that have not been effective and each one can take 4-6 weeks (depending) on seeing if it makes a difference.

That aside, this has made me think more about a few things. If he is so quick to shut down completely just because of one verbal disagreement than should I invest any more of my thoughts or emotions into this. What my worries are what if we did move in together (which is a subject he brought up at least 3-4 times in the past couple of weeks) and we ended up either very committed to one another or even got married down the road. Would I then have to be worried that if we got into one verbal spar that he would be all "Poof...gone, I'm out of here because this is too much for me to handle." The idea of him reacting so quickly and decisively to leave in that manner probably scares me more than a disagreement scares him.

Don't get me wrong, I do understand that he has the right to have his own feelings and to process through things. At the same time, the same need lies within me. Perhaps he has been through a few bad relationships, from the sound of it...he has, and each time it was implied that he completely "threw on the brakes" and was the one to stop all communication. According to him, he even deleted one lady's phone number and that when she called two years later, he didn't even know who she was.

Perhaps due to several factors: the distance, the fact that he has been looking for a few years for a job in his field (other than the part-time liquor store work he is doing now) which means moving to the same town is not likely to be soon, that he is too easy to shut down after one argument, along with other inconsistencies and issues that bother me...are making me want to head in the other direction. Besides, I've been getting serious interviews and even one job offer for the Portland, Oregon area which would mean we'd definitely be hard pressed to make something work. And, LDR are not for me. Maybe just getting this written out will help me to see that there is too much going in both our lives to make this work.

Thanks!! !

I think you have a good perspective now, that working through arguments is important and if he completely disappears instead of allowing that to happen--the relationship will never go very far. (If be surprised if he has ever been in a long term relationship at all.)

If he hadn't completely shut off all communication, I'd recommend fighting for it (and I would have some specific recommendations for that, along the lines of what BlauSamstag said).

I can empathize with you about how medications can make life more difficult sometimes. And, I heard someone say just yesterday that she took her child off vyvanse because it made him angry/aggressive.

HOWEVER, I *don't* think that should be heavily leaned upon at all to describe your interactions. It reminds me of someone getting drunk and cheating on their spouse. ...and then trying to say it wasn't their fault.

I bet it's more likely that vyvanse brought some of the issues to the surface more, perhaps made some things more bothersome than they were otherwise, and/or made it easier to talk about them all while giving you a background of a an angry attitude. But, it didn't manufacture something that wasn't there at all. I think it's really important that you still take responsibility for your actions. (In this case, it seems there is nothing more to do, but for the future...own up, it will make you a bigger person.)

Sorry to tell you that today's doctor's don't know s**t about health.
A time existed when we used to have medicines.
Medicines were things that actually worked to resolve a lot of issues & problems.
Now all we have are medications which result in more risks & problems than benefits.
Yet doctors are taught that the benefits out-weight the risks involved (opposite of truthful-reality).
Another kicker is the fact that doctors learn about these drugs from sales-representatives.
They are SALES-people (they are NOT "scientists" from whom these doctors are learning).
Now get yourself "informed" and listen to this lady here...

...then read her book & all of the reviews to her book...
...including all of the comments made in response to all of the reviews.

P.S.: Most mental-health problems stem from what you eat. Stop consuming anything that contains sugars (e.g.: ice-cream, soft-drinks, candies, etc.), and start eating nothing but fresh food, the healthier the better (e.g.: lots of water, tomatoes, lettuce, water-melons, grapes, oranges, bananas, apples, alfalfa-sprouts, cucumbers, green-peppers, spinach, non-GMO'd organic-meats, and for that matter, listen carefully & thoroughly to this following seminar...)

ScreenName: Thank you for your post. The words that you shared helped and was especially grateful of the story that you shared about hearing a mother recently say that she took her son off of Vyvanse due to them showing aggressiveness.

The question that could be posed is did this child also have underlying aggression, that simply came out due to the Vyvanse. Now, although I'm not a betting woman, I would wager "probably not." So in this same light, why would an adult (such as myself) be accused of having underlying aggression. Is the child simply given a break (or an out) for this due to their age? I will admit that many years ago there were numerous "aspie meltdowns" (which as an article which was recently read said these are not to be confused with "tantrums"because these are not the same). But over the years, have found ways of channeling these negative energies through writing letters which are never sent, by exercising/walking with a friend, and formerly through martial arts which can calm the mind, body, and spirit all at once. The thing is, it has been many years since there has been any intense episode of me going into an angry tirade, probably due to the outlets that were mentioned above. If I felt that in my own "right mind" that I had done something wrong then I would apologize. But as it is, would one expect a highly medicated child or elderly main that was suffering from some serious illness to say "I'm sorry" for lashing out to you in anger or would they expect some understanding and love in return.

You are right, he mentioned to me that the longest friendship/relationship that he had was less than 1 year. And, the most recent one that he spoke of only lasted 1 month because he said "she was mean." In all of his brief dating, he implied that he was always the one to shut down all contact up to deleting on FB and blocking their phone numbers or even deleting their numbers from his cell. Which brings me to my next thought that he blocks out people in hopes that he can block out or delete out his own feelings. Seemingly he does this well, it appears similar to a light switch, either "off or on." What I mentioned does all scare me away because if he thinks that one argument or "mean" thing said is the end of everything or that this person should no longer matter to him...he will continue to be alone. Being that I'm also an aspie, he had quickly became a safe haven to me, and my heart is broken b/c he was able to shut his down so quickly that now all of his words which were thought to be so sincere need to be erased from replaying in my mind. It seemed that we both had something in which we could just "be ourselves" around each other.

My strong guess is that he will never come back around, which is too bad because it felt like we both understood each other. I don't know if it is his loss or mine. Probably a little bit of both. The main thing that I'm sorry for right now is even taking that medication and that due to being on it, this could have ruined something that potentially could have been great. OTOH, my way of consoling is by saying that it would have never lasted due to the brevity of his other relationships. My longest two were 6 years and 3 years. (so not super long, but not really short either).


Ban-Dodger: I watched both videos, thank you for posting them. It has also been my growing belief that (as stated above) mind, body, and spirit can all be connected to one another. Meaning if our body unhealthy that can manifest into our mind being unhealthy (hence why many cancer patients end up with depression.) And this can also be vice versa, if our mind is unhealthy this can manifest into our spirit and body feeling ill.

The things that were gained from the first video is that the pharmaceutical companies do not wish you to be cured, because this is "bad for business." In the second video, it was surprising and helpful that unprocessed milk and sourdough bread with some occasional fruits and veggies made for a healthy population of people. I think there are way to many preservatives and additives that do affect both our body and subsequently our mental well-being.

I think you may have misunderstood me.

I did mean to validate that some medications can make it harder to function properly and that vyvanse might lead to aggressive tendencies. BUT, I also want to plead with you to *also* take responsibility for your actions.

Perhaps it's more like the kid who knocks over a bookshelf completely by accident. He didn't mean to, he's not to "type" of kid to knock over things...but you know what? he still knocked over the damn bookshelf.

Should we have compassion? Yes

Should you take responsibility? Yes


I don't think it's either/or...I think it's both/and

Yes, I would. I mean, I might not receive it...but I'd expect it. (And I would *also* over understanding and love....both/and, not either/or.)


In the case of the child who's mother took him off vyvanse for becoming aggressive...he didn't get a free pass! Every time he acted out, he was punished just the same as he would have been completely unmedicated. She also showed understanding and support by taking him off the medication. So, both love and support, and individual responsibility.




I just wanted to clear that up because I think it's important.

I do hope you are healing well through the break up...you seem to be.

Yes, it has been much better today. My mood is finally lifted a little bit. It doesn't hurt that I've got a job interview coming up in Portland (via telephone) doing what I love to do tomorrow! It seems that things will work out afterall, one way or the other...people do eventually get what they deserve. My faith is keeping me strong and know that the truth will always be the truth and there is no version of that other than the real thing. Looking forward to this job prospect, so far did the main interview questions online and he said he is very ready to hire someone as soon as possible.