What's the best way to overcome my flaws?

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goofygoobers
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23 Jun 2015, 8:24 pm

I recently read a post about a guy talking about his flaws, and it made me wonder something. How do I overcome my own flaws? I'm insecure about my weight, acne, body hair, and sometimes even the female aspects of my body. There's times when I feel like a guy pretending to be a woman, and it makes me feel depressed. How do I learn to love and accept myself as I am? Is there a way I can be more confident and stop sweating about the imperfections on my body? If I do learn to love myself more, does it mean others will be more likely to accept me too?



yellowtamarin
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23 Jun 2015, 9:30 pm

I'm afraid I don't have any good advice about increasing self-confidence, as I struggle with this myself, but:

goofygoobers wrote:
If I do learn to love myself more, does it mean others will be more likely to accept me too?

YES. If your insecurities shine through in your everyday persona, this will most likely come across to others as a negative. If you love yourself, this will come across as a positive.

Imagine an average Jo. She feels nothing in particular about herself, she just is. Now if she started to dislike herself, her mannerisms etc. (no matter how subtle) would change, and she would actually appear less appealing. A self-fulfilling phenomenon. If, on the other hand, she decided she's actually a pretty great person, her mannerisms would change in the other direction and she would appear more appealing. A self-fulfilling phenomenon.

If you are going to judge yourself, it is always best to do it in the positive direction. Even if you acknowledge your flaws and work on the ones you can, your overall opinion of yourself should be that you are a good human.



Outrider
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24 Jun 2015, 3:54 am

It's best not just to be happy with what you already are, but always be open to self-improvement.

E.g. unhappy with your weight? Well, if you actually are medically overweight, then putting the effort to lose will make you feel better. More confident and happier.



Vomelche
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24 Jun 2015, 10:10 pm

I think you may be just depressed, but tend to focus more on your body. Coming out of depression is kind of hard, you have to push your way through.



kraftiekortie
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24 Jun 2015, 11:56 pm

I happen to think you're quite attractive, and would have asked you out (shyly) when I was in my 20s.

You just have to obtain for yourself a more confident outlook. And make friends with the right people.



sly279
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25 Jun 2015, 1:09 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
I'm afraid I don't have any good advice about increasing self-confidence, as I struggle with this myself, but:
goofygoobers wrote:
If I do learn to love myself more, does it mean others will be more likely to accept me too?

YES. If your insecurities shine through in your everyday persona, this will most likely come across to others as a negative. If you love yourself, this will come across as a positive.

Imagine an average Jo. She feels nothing in particular about herself, she just is. Now if she started to dislike herself, her mannerisms etc. (no matter how subtle) would change, and she would actually appear less appealing. A self-fulfilling phenomenon. If, on the other hand, she decided she's actually a pretty great person, her mannerisms would change in the other direction and she would appear more appealing. A self-fulfilling phenomenon.

If you are going to judge yourself, it is always best to do it in the positive direction. Even if you acknowledge your flaws and work on the ones you can, your overall opinion of yourself should be that you are a good human.


so by that logic a genocide woman hating monster guy can have people like him just because he likes himself? I really don't think people care one way or another if you or we like ourselves. yhey base it off what they think about things regardless of how you think. I use to think I was a good catch and good guy, guess what no one else did, thats why I have low self esteem now.

I think its emotional misguidance and hopefulness to think that you have some magical control over how others see you and just by changing your own thoughts about you that others will too. just like thinking because you're a nice person everyone else is too.

I hate this as its often used as a effect equals cause. while reality is cause makes effect. ie saying that the tree being on fire attracted the lightning strike. but really the lighting striking the tree caused the fire.

so we'd watch the same thing and you'd say the fire that happen after the lighting attracted the lighting that hit before the fire. how is that logical?

ie in real situation I liked myself. I had friends. I was happy. I was content. then I tried to date. and people said horrible things to me about me, then friends that I thought were real friends said the same things. this caused me to become depressed and have a low self esteem. you though blame all his on me saying that how I am now, cause those people to say those things 2 years ago. so I ask you how does a an event that hasn't happen yet, cause people to react to said event before it happens and there fore cause it to happen?

it doesn't that's impossible. so perhaps. just maybe its the cause that makes the effect happen so ie, people saying mean things cause me and others to be depressed and low self esteem and not our low self esteem that cause people to say mean things.



yellowtamarin
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25 Jun 2015, 1:19 am

^ No, I wasn't that dramatic about it at all, and you've added all sorts of things I wasn't even talking about. I was just saying that one's opinion of oneself tends to have AN IMPACT on their presentation. I even mentioned it could be subtle.



sly279
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25 Jun 2015, 1:46 am

only ever seen that logic used to explain the reason why people like me are alone. that our low self estem is what caused its self.