teens and dating.

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I need some insight about teen dating. What is the main rules for teens dating? Post your reply and let the comments fly.

You are not a teen.

There are no special rules for teenagers AFAIK.

OK why are there rules for adults and dating?

This topic has shown up time and time again, with very little discussion between those who support the rule that you simply don't date as a teenager and those who take teenage dating for granted as a normal part of life.

EDIT -- Tpyo.

Last edited by Spiderpig on 23 Jun 2015, 1:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There are no official, widely-accepted rules for dating as a teen -- not as an adult. You have to figure it out as you go along.

My advice would be to go for it -- even as teen. Everybody screws up dating, breaks somebody's heart or gets their heart stomped upon and thinks it's the end.of.the.freaking.world. Picking yourself up and trying again is a skill.

To paraphrase F Scott Fitzgerald, the sign of a first rate relationship intelligence is the ability to keep two opposed views in the mind (I love this person much I will die without them + getting dumped by the love of my life would suck but eventually there's a semi-decent chance I'd be okay).

Right. The best way is to avoid all kinds of dating, and this rule applies to teens and adults equally well. Well, maybe better for teens as they are not as damaged by cultural dating expectations as adults.

OK…first rule: You cannot date my daughter. Period.

I think that about covers it.

I'm an actual teen here, and can provide my story.

*Sigh* over the years I have time and time again only faced hardship and rejection for my unhealthy obsession with girls, but have learned from my mistakes and improved overtime.

If I could turn back time I probably wouldn't change a thing. I did not waste my high school going after girls only to fail. My confidence and social skills, and resistance to the pain of rejection have all improved.

My best friend (also an aspie) went the opposite path, can not speak to females at all really, never had a girlfriend, has gained weight (already overweight when we were kids), does not care about his health or hygiene, etc.

Me, I have only improved. I look the best i ever have and care strongly about my health, fitness, hygiene, social skills, studies, hobbies and interests.

When it comes to love and dating, the bad news is I have suffered hardships. Loneliness, misery, sadness and depression. The rejection when a girl you like doesn't feel the same, etc.

The good news is that, while I'm no means a ladies man, I have had some good success with females.

4, possibly 5 girls have had crushes on me, and one even asked me out.

Plenty of girls have found me physically attractive/good looking.

And I managed to go on three dates with a girl I really liked earlier in the year.

Right now I am at a point where I am well aware I need to finally get over my unhealthy obsession with girls. And im already halfway there.

The problem is, instead of liking a lot of girls and chasing after all of them like a desperate fool, I am taking a more passive-aggressive approach to love and dating.

What does this mean?

Aggressive = desperate, going after multitudes of people. Quantity over quality. Treating dating as a numbers game.

Active = Seeking a relationship but not letting it consume you.

Passive = Not doing anything. Just waiting for someone else to have feelings for you.

Passive-Aggressive = Indirectly approaching dating by avoiding pursuing anyone but using alternatives to indirectly get to know a multitude of people in the hopes that through patience and perseverance something will come out of it.

Basically I'm just talking to a ridiculous amount of people of the same and opposite sex not because they are all human beings just like I am and I can have a normal conversation with them, but because it is in the hopes that by chance, friendships or relationships can come out of them.

I literally cannot look at another male or female at school without thinking "initiate conversation. possible future friend/girlfriend".

Just today I talked to a ridiculous amount of random people all in friendly ways in the hopes something can come out of them. I have been doing it the past 3 days now.

I exert social energy, unlike how I use to be.

But yeah, only speaking to people for the sake of speaking to people in hopes something good will happen.

I don't think it's a normal or healthy way to make friends.

Making friends the right way is to just live your life, be friendly and let things happen naturally.

I am kind of forcing it, but in a passive-aggressive way.

This one guy I've been talking to more just for the sake that something could possibly come out of it.

Also, it is important to note that i have put just as much effort into making friends as I have finding love, and both have brought the same results - failure, but good failure.

I've liked about 40 different girls throughout high school, and tried to be friends with around 35 people.

Success rate = three dates with one girl, and currently have 4 'true' friends and roughly 6 acquaintances.
10% for friends, around 3% for relationships, 15% for acquaintances. 11 people.

Total success rate = 20%

Not bad. I only think two had crushes on me during high school and college, but both those cases were mutual.



Never heard random girls say that about me. I was the thin type as a teenager, not the type of guy most girls thought were physically attractive.



Not bad, and the friendships could always be good to have.

OTOH, I never dated a girl during high school or college, but I had one girl that was exclusive with me the last year of high school and another during almost 3 years in college. Neither were "real" relationships, but for me they worked as such anyway. I wasn't rejected by anybody, so the success rate was 100%

Think I need to comment this too:

No, it is pure stupidity, at least if it happens more than once. It only shows you have poor coping mechanisms.

It's like if you go into a cage full of lions, happens by chance to get out of there alive, and still do it once more just for the kicks of it. Everybody knows that would be stupidity, and the same applies to getting repeatedly burned in dating.

The day I get a girlfriend is the day spongebob gets his drivers license...

Seriously: why do you feel that way, Mr. Phantom?

We've had discussions on this kind of thing many times. My worst case scenario is a success rate of 1%, and that's just getting a single DATE, not a long-term romantic relationship. For ME, that's an acceptable risk. What you're talking about here is 2000% better than what I'd ever expect. If you're comfortable with what you're doing, don't let me stand in your way.

You have helped though in the past AngelRho, in many ways.

You've given me an alternative perspective on love and dating which has actually made me change my strategy.

I'm not obsessed with the idea of getting a relationship anymore, I am actually quite happy being single but a relationship would still be nice. Think of it as 90% over the idea of needing a relationship.

I'm not pursuing any relationships right now with any girls but doing something similar to what you've suggested.

I'm not hanging out with a high number of females and getting to know all of them and being friends with all of them, but I AM meeting more people these days. My confidence has increased significantly since the past, I'm working on meeting more people, making new friends and, yes, should the situation every arise meeting someone of the opposite sex where a mutual attraction could possibly develop.

You have a point, sir - being attracted to just one female and pursuing her and hoping for your lucky break/1 in a million chance is foolish.

It really is just best to be a social, confident, visible guy.

There's two groups specifically I've been trying to hang out with and meet new people in.

I'm not exactly the social, confident, centre of attention type guy - they are all loud, talky, and somewhat extroverted (well they are actually introverts but certainly act like social extroverts).

And I never see myself changing myself just to be like this people.

Usually I'm the mysterious, aloof, silent guy - I just sit there calmly eating, and may or may not choose to speak to those I wish to speak to.

See, I prefer speaking to other people first than other people talking to me first, and this situation is perfect - I can just sit there, eat my lunch, calm and relaxed and choose to speak to someone if I want to.

But this makes me visible, it makes me THERE, and yes it has helped me meet others which is good and gives me the opportunity to speak to others I barely know in the small chance a friendship/relationship could come out of it.

I'm good friends with a few people who are at both groups so that's how the others know me. "X's friend".

I do have a small crush on this one female though, but in this case the attraction just might be slightly more mutual than the last. Let's see how things go then...

And the last girl I had a crush on, the one i went on three 'dates' with? She is my good friend now, and I am no longer upset or angry she doesn't feel the same. That was ages ago. She's kind of got this 'thing' with another guy now, and I'm happy for her.

And yes her advice was to stop looking, and that's what I'm basically 90% on my way to doing for the past month now.

It was only painful suffering through about 40 rejections.

Not all of them were actual 'rejections' though.

I have had a crush on around 40 different girls throughout high school. Some already had boyfriends, some weren't interested in males, and some I was just too shy to even say a single word to or properly express my feelings towards.

The truth is only a very, very small minority I actively pursued in a proper way. Basically I have only ever asked out 3 females and a I've pursued a few others but yeah...

But either way I have learned from all the rejction and rejection is now much less painful for me. So not only increase in social skills but resistance to the pain of rejection I have gained.

But it's still not worth it. I might not have any regrets over it but to anyone else I would suggest not spending high school feelings this way.

Yes it is like putting yourself in direct danger/harm for the thrill of it.

Think of it as self-inflicted emotional pain.

You know having feelings for any girl will be a distraction, but it happens anyway. You know letting your crush become an unhealthy obsession is going to negatively affect you and your life, but again you allow it to happen anyway. And this is where all the pain begins...