Relationship "news" (if I can call it that)...

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Some of you may remember the post I made about a week ago. Let me recap:

My "boyfriend" and I have been together since June. During June and July, our relationship was going great. Then, starting in August, he got a hectic work schedule and he had to get a new car, which nearly bankrupted him. Because of this, he never got to see me anymore, and he even seemed to act a bit more distant toward me via text. Still, all in all, I felt loved in our relationship.

In the early morning hours of September 11th (almost a week ago), my boyfriend, John, was telling me via text how horny he was for me, and we exchanged pictures via e-mail. He decided to come over to my house later that morning when I was alone. In the meantime, he would go watch Harry Potter (that was literally the last text he's sent me). Well, I fell asleep, and it was past the time that he was supposed to have been here. I assumed that he fell asleep accidentally. Then, I logged onto Facebook and found out that he had defriended me. Not a word about was given, and to this day he has not contacted me in any form. I sent him another friend request, but the next day I logged back onto Facebook to find that he had, apparently, rejected it (it said on his page "Add Friend" instead of "Friend Request Sent"). Despite this, his status remains "In a Relationship." I don't know if this is because he still considers us a couple and just needs time to be by himself, or if he's found somebody else that quickly.

I've resolved over the weekend to just leave him well alone and give him time to think. I'm hoping that whatever he's feeling right now will have ameliorated given time and he'll be more willing to talk to me again eventually. But I can't stand the thought of never hearing from him again. Even if we are broken up, I'd at least like to stay friends with him, and I sure as hell don't want things to end on this note.

Have you tried calling him to ask?

Calling, texting, God knows I've done it. Every call I made would ring four or five times and then go to his voice mail, and every text I'd send would go unanswered.

If you've already called/texted and left messages I would say just wait a few days before trying again...overdoing it can make things worse. I would think that if you two have been together since June he would at least respond to you if anything was going on, it would be rather rude to just up and vanish. I hope that you hear from him soon and find out what's up!

There is no rhyme or reason to that.

I'm sorry, what do you mean by that?

^^I think they mean what your bf has done is completely irrational/doesn't make any sense.


I am really sorry to hear of your experience. My bf did the same to me, well actually it was worse because we'd just committed to move in together, in another state, and had arrived and was staying in a hotel, and then he up and left me without warning (while i wasn't home!! !). He talked to me 2 times or so after that promising to explain himself but to this day (1 year later) i have yet to receive any explanation and he completely stopped responding at all to any of my contact only a few weeks after he left. We had been together 18 months. There is a lot more to the story that would make it sound even more horrific but this is not the place for it.

You can't make sense of these things. They are very disturbed people to do this to someone they supposedly care about. I have had a few relationships and even tho the others ended badly too it was NOTHING like this....What they have done is a completely unacceptable way to act (To simply cut someone out of your life without explanation). I strongly suspect my ex is a narcissist. He has many traits. Maybe yours does too. Don't contact him anymore. If he wants to come back he will and he better have a damned good excuse for treating you so horribly! (even though it's easy to say I wouldn't take him back if I was you...I know how hard it is tho if my ex rang me today with an answer and apology I'd probably consider getting back with him too )

Stay strong hun, I still struggle but definitely with time it's getting a lot easier.

Descartes and Periphery - That's all I have to say is (((hugs))) to both of you. It really sucks when people's actions don't match their words and one is left wondering what actually happened. Wish I had more words of wisdom, but I don't............

Is it possible when you fell asleep he may have been trying to reach you/ come over?

That is the only reason I can grasp for. Anyway, I wish you luck. I'm not sure if I could survive the pain if someone were to do this and then expect to come back into my life.

Time heals all wounds as they say. As long as they're not opened every so often.

I doubt it. I gave him a specific time for when to come over, to make sure that he didn't arrive while my parents were still home. When I woke up, it was around the time that John should have been on his way or have just arrived; and even if he had been over and nobody was there to answer, there would have been a ruckus because I either would have heard the doorbell ring or the dogs barking, although I have been known to be a deep sleeper. Besides, he could have texted me saying that he's over or was over, and no such text awaited me.

Unfortunately, I had a similar thing happen to me. Guy i was seeing invited me to a New Years party and then a couple of weeks later he turned around and pretended to be his roommate on the phone in order to "get rid of me". I still to this day do not understand what happened.

I want to say that in your circumstance he found someone else and didn't have the strength to confront and be honest with you. Its a very cowardly move (at least in my opinion).

I feel for you, OP. *hugs*

Okay, today I realized something. First of all, I don't think I ever mentioned that John was stationed in Iraq while serving in the Marines a few years ago. A friend of mine let me know of veterans being at higher risk for PTSD and depression. Then, it made me think. I think John told me once that he had anxiety issues. He also let me know of his being stressed out due to external factors at around August. One of his best friends (our mutual friend) told me he hadn't heard from John in a while (although John did "like" his status on Saturday the 15th, and it was about our mutual friend ordering aussie Pink Floyd tickets).

I've seen no signs of much, if any at all, Facebook activity on John's part for almost a week. I've looked at a sample of his friends, friends whom I believe John is close with, and he hasn't reacted to their statuses lately (although some of those friends haven't been active on Facebook lately, either). John's "in a relationship" status is still intact, and his friend count is still the same. I think, since John defriended me, he had gained two more friends and lost one of those, apparently. I noticed, while I was friends with John, that he seemed to add a lot of friends.

Because of what I've said, I think it may be possible that John is currently going through depression or some kind of psychological problem. It's not exactly a proper excuse for defriending and shunning me, but people deal with depression and anxiety in different ways. What do you think?

It is highly possible. He could be trying to minimise the hurt/damage he thinks he will cause you if you are close to him at this moment.

I really don't know though. This is all just guesswork. Only one person seems to have the answer and apparently they're incommunicado.