I am 21 years old (I will be 22 in October). I have never had sex, but I have had a few casual encounters.
Since college began for me 3 years ago, I have not dated anybody and have only had 2 casual encounters that were followed by us never really speaking again (1 through okcupid). When I was 19 and on spring break, I saw the romantic comedy "500 days of Summer." I liked the movie, but I am also a bleeding heart. It made me question some of the struggles I went through in the past to get girls to have feelings for me (pretty much most of them were futile).
The casual narrative put forth by "reformed men" (usually pickup artists) is to grow up and learn how to play the field, never put all of your eggs in one basket, and to always be opportunistic (never take no for an answer, move on immediately after 1 rejection, etc).
This might be fair and good, but I feel like many of us Aspergians do not like to do those things because it is out of our own character(s), potentially immature, and can take the development of several social skills that may just have not come easily to us period.
I am not saying that people who feel romantic should just simply give up for a bit. I will also be the first to admit that I am able to (somewhat) comfortably go out to a bar for a drink and engage in social "BSing" for 2-3 hours, and even find it fun.
What I am saying is that I would like to challenge some of you to sit back and look at human interaction and behaviors in general and as they progress. I strongly believe that you are more likely to find "compatibility" (in friendship and romance) in social settings that you find yourself the most comfortable in. Being social is a constant learning experience, even for NTs. You might have friends that have had several relationships or are having one right now. In my experience, I've seen my friends' relationships come, play out, and go pretty quickly. To be honest, at least for people in their early to mid 20s, it seems like most relationships are initially formed out of some superficial connection (they were really physically attractive, you both are in similar classes, were project partners, friends from high school, back home, etc). You can also take data from others' relationships and use it for your own benefit (such as being thankful for not wasting time on an empty romance that your friend just had and found it to be a pain in the neck).
We Aspergians are choosy. That isn't a bad thing, seeing as it keeps us away from the "wrong crowds" (most of the time) and has us being proactive about establishing our own terms of association with groups of people. This may come at the cost of meeting "potential mates" faster, but realize that this time can easily be filled with something you love dearly, and will not leave you anytime soon. Don't rush yourself- interact with the opposite sex, and try and keep as many of those interactions as platonic as possible (you'll be more successful in making friends for sure).
It's just a modest proposal
07 Jul 2015, 11:12 pm
