Why not to adapt in the relationship area

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This is a reaction to OliveOilMoms thread about adapting. Especially in light of posting it in L&D, which implies that autistics needs to adapt to neurotypical relationship preferences.

Post reasons why you think this is a bad idea, or why it is a good idea.

I'll start with the major (?) reason why it is a bad idea: If you adapt a role while meeting somebody, you cannot later stop playing the role , because then you have given them the wrong impression of who you are and what you want. If you try to hide your quirks, you will also be deceiving them unless you continue to do this the rest of your life.

Bad one-it sounds stressful having to put up an act!

I think, in any relationship, that people should meet each other halfway.

I don't think it's "selling out" for an autistic person to adapt to the neurotypical world.

I also think that neurotypicals must meet autistic people halfway as well.

That's why we must educate them. And why we have to be clever about educating them.

autism and neurotypical are totally different problems let alone have the thinking of meeting a brain impaired to a natural born socialist of any human being.

If you adapt too much, you might lose friends and loved ones that no longer recognize you.

I learned this the hard way.. You cannot sacrifice your own comfort to make someone else happy. I know that I'm a lot to put up with, in a relationship. I understand that very few people would be happy dating me... I can see why. But, Ihave found someone, where I don't have to work so hard, and feel like I'm giving up so much, just to make it work.

My previous relationships, all I did was struggle to please the other person. It didn't do me any good. It only lowered my self esteem and made me unhappy.

I think compromise is a good thing, but you have to be careful with it. Decide for yourself, before getting involved with someone, what compromises you are truly comfortable making for another person. It will help you make better decisions, before starting a new relationship, and hopefully, save you both a lot of heartache and wasted time.

But, yes, with someone you feel compatible with, I believe it's an effort that has to be made on both ends.. Not something in which the responsibility relies entirely on you to adapt to the other person. You both are your own individual people. You both matter. You both have to work at the relationship. Don't ever let your partner make you feel like you aren't worth that effort.

Seems like a bit of a pointless debate considering regardless of whether or not it's a good idea, it's still impossible. But anyway...

Look, when it comes to relationships, it isn't really a matter of neurotypicals vs neurodiverse, it's more a matter of men vs women. In 99% of all relationships, men will be the ones doing all of the compromising and all of the adapting. Because in 99% of relationships, women are the ones with all of the power.

And it's pretty obvious to me how this arrangement has affected the neurodiverse community: neurodiverse men can't adapt or change, so most of us remain alone and womanless our entire lives. While neurodiverse women just have their men adapt to them, their needs and their behavior, so it doesn't affect them in the slightest.

Also, I'll bet you anything that OliveOilMom and all the other women here who go on and on about how people need to adapt and "fix their flaws" to make themselves more attractive never had to adapt ONE f*****g INCH or fix any of their flaws to get into the relationship they are now (and they're all in relationships now).

In ALL relationships, there must occur a degree of compromise.

I'm not one in which compromise comes naturally

It's hard for a person craving affection to experience the lack of it.