How do I know if I like a girl or if I'm just lonely?

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12 Jul 2015, 1:18 am

I've been seeing this girl for a little while and I'm not sure if I like her or if I just want to be with her because I'm lonely. (And I am VERY lonely). We have a lot in common and it makes logical sense for us to be a couple and whatnot, but I'm also afraid to just date her just for the sake of having a girlfriend. I'm so frustrated because I don't know what I want out of this or what she wants. Ugh

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Aspie1
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12 Jul 2015, 2:26 am

If you're already seeing her, and you're comfortable around her, keep seeing her. Just think about it: when else are you going to have another chance at a real sexual relationship? Relationships with girls I'm not attracted to were the only relationships I knew, so your situations is not unique. After all, a plain-looking girl is just as capable of physical affection as a girl who looks like a model. Just remember to control your emotions and proceed with caution, and you'll do smashingly.

Butterfiend
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12 Jul 2015, 3:11 am

Aspie1 wrote:

I don't really care about sex or how she looks as much. I don't know just something feels off. Somethings eating me

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12 Jul 2015, 4:02 am

I found if I like someone, I know. I never question it.

What about her makes you uncomfortable? Or is it self-doubt or a lack of confidence?

Either way, if you decide you don't want to be with her, don't pretend like you do. Nothing is more selfish than faking a relationship.

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12 Jul 2015, 4:15 am

To me that sounds a lot like lack of confidence; you are trying to justify why you are dating. But you don't need to do that. What matters is that the two of you enjoy it.

Butterfiend
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12 Jul 2015, 4:43 am

Like, I just don't know if i like her. I don't have the warm fuzzy crush feeling anymore. Is that supposed to happen? I just feel more stressed out more than anything.

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12 Jul 2015, 4:50 am

Butterfiend wrote:

Like, I just don't know if i like her. I don't have the warm fuzzy crush feeling anymore. Is that supposed to happen? I just feel more stressed out more than anything.

The "crush feeling" declines quickly, anyway.

In my experience, denying one's feelings is the biggest problem. As you talk about them, they're probably there.

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12 Jul 2015, 5:09 am

Yes, the warm, fuzzy crush feeling goes away. This is completely normal in a relationship. It is possible that noticing that the feeling went away is part of your anxiety. If you had those feelings at all before, you like the girl.

If you enjoy talking to her and spending time with her keep dating. Time will tell if you are a good match.

Butterfiend
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12 Jul 2015, 5:28 am

Ok. Good to know.

Another question: Do I have to feel like I want to be around her all the time? It's ok to want some time by myself sometimes, right?

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12 Jul 2015, 5:44 am

Butterfiend wrote:

Ok. Good to know.

Another question: Do I have to feel like I want to be around her all the time? It's ok to want some time by myself sometimes, right?

Oh no, if you wanted to be around her all the time something would be wrong. They teach you in high school that love is everything and your partner is everything 24/7, but once you become an adult you realize obsessive love is for tweens. You don't have to think about her or want to be with her all the time to still want her.

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12 Jul 2015, 5:55 am

Hm, the advice I'm most used to hearing or reading can be summed up as "if in doubt, stay lonely".

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12 Jul 2015, 5:58 am

Butterfiend wrote:

Ok. Good to know.

Another question: Do I have to feel like I want to be around her all the time? It's ok to want some time by myself sometimes, right?

Yes, it is perfectly normal and OK to want time alone! Everyone is different in how much time they need alone and how much time they need to see someone. Part of navigating a relationship is working this out.

Conflict can happen if she wants to see you more than you want to see her, but it is not insurmountable. Compromises can be made as you learn to care for one another.

Again, time will tell if you are a good match.

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12 Jul 2015, 6:08 am

Spiderpig wrote:

Hm, the advice I'm most used to hearing or reading can be summed up as "if in doubt, stay lonely".

That sounds like really stupid advice. How do you if it might work if you don't even try?

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12 Jul 2015, 6:15 am

You don't.

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