GF Won't clean up after herself

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I've been in a relationship for almost 5 years. In all those 5 years, it has been a struggle to get her to clean up the dishes and the kitchen after she's made a mess of everything. It's the same pattern over and over again. She stays up until 5 or 6 in the morning, makes a bunch of food in the kitchen, then gets too tired to clean it up.

Sunday morning, I woke up to find this:

1. Dirty dishes on the stove, with food in them.
2. Butter and cheese on the floor, which I stepped in and tracked all over the house, and had to clean up.
3. Butter on the table
4. Mayonnaise in the sink, not washed down the drain or wiped up.
5 Oil stain on the mattress in the living room, where I lie down and play computer or watch tv. Probably from stepping in butter and stepping on the matress.
6. Freezer door left open 1 centimeter all night
7. Fresh Diet coke bottle opened, despite being one already opened, and the cap not screwed on, and a glass poured, left in the fridge, and not drank. The bottle is now flat.
8. The computer was not shut down properly. She works as a secretary, but can't learn to shut down a simple desk top computer properly. Puts it on standby/sleep, then turns off the back switch, because she doesn't know the difference between sleep and shut down.

These may seem like silly minor inconveniences, but if repeated over the course of 5 years, every weekend, it's the same problem, then I get upset. She gets mad at me for being mad at her for not cleaning up, and makes me feel like the bad guy. I just don't want to feel like a sucker cleaning up after someone else's mess. It's not fair. I'm not her butler, I am not her kitchen b---h, and she's 31 years old, I shouldn't have to remind her like a 5 year old to clean up her dishes after making a mess.

You make a mess, you clean it up.

Of course, we fight about it, because there is no other alternative, because asking her nicely leads to a fight about it, because she was raised by parents who did not instill discipline in her. I was always told, "you make a mess, you clean it up." Basics 101 - Intro to Common Sense and Human Conduct.

She sleeps until 4pm the next day, and says she'll do it later. Later comes, and I remind her politely, she snaps at me, and tells me she's not a child and will remember to clean the dishes. This last time we had this problem, I decide not to remind her, because I don't want to insult her by patiently reminding her like I do EVERY TIME! This time, she is about to leave and go home, because it's time for her to go home, and I told her that she forgot to do the dishes and she said she would do them.

She responds: "You should have reminded me earlier."

At this point all my patience and respect for her are gone.

"Every time I remind you, you fight me about it. So I chose NOT to remind you, and you still forget, and we still fight about it."

I am not her father, I am not her babysitter, and I am not her butler.

YOU MAKE A MESS YOU CLEAN IT UP! I don't yell, I'm not abusive, I say please, I say thank you. I still end up cleaning up half the mess, because I just want her to do something, so I don't feel like pushover.

I stood my ground, and I'm proud of that. She's mad at me for standing my ground, but I could care less at this point.

When someone is consistently or routinely neglectful of basic human conduct like cleaning up after themselves, sticking to plans, paying their share of whatever needs to be paid, or just lack of mannerisms, then I chalk it up to either:

1. Stupidity or 2. Disrespect. Neither of which I tolerate.

Once in a while, someone makes a mistake or forgets to clean up, NO PROBLEM. It's when the neglect or forgetfulness becomes constant, and I wonder if it's a power play or intentional disrespect.

I'm very big on respect and fairness, and everyone doing their part. As long as people make the effort, then that's fine.

Did I go about this the wrong way? How do I go about this in a better fashion?

"Widziały gały co brały"
(Polish common sentence, meaning: "Eyes seen what they were taking" = "You knew who she is but you were blind with love so you are not supposed to complain now.").

She was doing it for whole 5 years, and you probably knew her well enough before living together. That's how she is. Adults rarely change.

You can either:
1. Keep nagging her, hoping she is going to learn eventually. (She won't.)
2. Break with her.
3. Accept who she is and clean after her.
4. Accept the mess and live happily as if nothing was wrong.
5. Forbid her using the kitchen at all(you cook for both of you and put the food on table) and make her go to sleep the same time as you do so she won't mess up when you are asleep.

BTW: Instead of reminding her verbally about stuff write it down and put the paper on something she often looks at (in my case it would be my desk). It might make her remember.

Wow, it's like I wrote this! My boyfriend of 7 years is the exact same way. He sleeps all day (sometimes until 5 or 6pm if I don't wake him), doesn't pick up after himself, and tells me I need to ask him whenever I want specific chores done. And just like you I am dealing with a long-term illness and wasn't working for several years (I am working part-time now, but it's making my health even worse).

So I hope you get some good advice!
If you ever need someone to vent to, I am here. =)

I don't really think its a respect thing, she just seems less mature than you. You may be able to work out some compromises.

The best is living with a dog or a cat.
In fact the best of all is living with a pack of dogs. They are very tidy and good and cute.

Much better than girls. Can recommend to everybody.
Forget that relationships which you will never be able to understand. No matter what you do girls won't clean up after themselves.
And besides this you should know that disorder of a system can only grow in time.
By putting in the work, you are able to tidy up your room, decreasing its entropy but still increasing the entropy of the whole universe (you make noise, burn calories, etc.)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Entropy_(arrow_of_time)

That all sounds disgusting, my sister in law is like that so her house was always dirty before her parents moved in and then her house was a lot cleaner because her mom cleaned. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.

My husband will forget to pick up like he won't clean the high chair and the floor around it because he forgets and his room is disgusting but he has bad feet and he sleeps all day because his feet keeps him up all night and then he crashes. I doubt that is the case with your girlfriend. At least my husband isn't that dirty.

But you have two choices, either deal with it or break up with her.

Sometimes people get too comfortable in relationships which could mean they either let themselves go or take you for granted so they don't think they need to try as hard anymore. That could be a recipe for disaster. For me, I never would have let her get to that point, I would have thrown her ass out a long time ago if she didn't pull her weight. I always tell people they should not settle because they can be taken advantage of. Give her an ultimatum.

Instances like this think of my cousin's friend who's girlfriend takes advantage of him. She moved in with him and gave him the impression she had some ambition and would eventually get a career and a decent paying job so they could make a decent income. Three years later, she has the same crappy minimum wage job, makes no money, makes no effort to find a better job and always uses her having no car as an excuse as to why she hasn't pulled her weight in finding a real job. The poor guy knows he's stuck supporting her like a dependent child and doesn't have the heart to throw her out. The only thing he does instead is withhold sex from her because he's sick of her. I thank god everyday I'm not in a situation like that.

Tell her: no clean up, no sex for you.