Stepping into the void

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So even though I signed up a few years back, I've never actually posted anything on here before. I'm a diagnosed female Aspie. Was in a 6 year relationship with a male Aspie, and actually it was that relationship which made me realise I displayed 90% of female Aspie traits, managed to have an NT child (as far as I can tell, she's my polar opposite socially and personality-wise), and now am back in the dating game and as confused as ever. It's become blaringly apparent now that I'm older, and more aware of my identity, that my failed dating attempts are very much due to the fact that I'm encountering NT guys who just don't have a clue or don't listen when you tell them you're on the spectrum. And while I have no idea really what they expect, I find it difficult to communicate with them. I.e: I have zero clue when I'm being flirted with, I just assume they're being nice. And a lack of communication from them I interpret as disinterest.
I could write a novel about my experiences but my main reason for being here is that I'm just trying to understand how to navigate this world moving forward from where I am right now in life, in the social sphere.
I've realised that society tends to be more accepting of male aspie traits like being a broody loner with quirky interests, but when it comes to female aspies we're shy, overly emotional, too smart for our own good, too attached etc... Which is total BS.
So does anyone have advice on what I can even expect at this point? I've read that most female Aspies will choose celibacy over trying to find a significant other. That's a little grim.

I think most people in the dating game see it as that, a game, either by choice or habituation. I think you need to look at alternative ways to find someone who is less superficial and more tolerant or open minded. If you know what you want in a partner then don't waste your time on dating people that are not suitable.

You seem intelligent, articulate and attractive, assuming that is you in the photo. Don't give up.

Yep...I can see men lining up to partake of your creative delights!

I think some of the things you mention are related to AS, whereas others are just common dating problems everyone deals with (like finding a good match).

Shyness in men is seen as weakness and less respected for that reason, in women not that much.

Loner boys get verbally and physically bullied in schools, and loner men are avoided and labeled as creeps.

You're wrong to think that males have it easier.

duh...



Most female members here have boyfriends or married, so what you read isn't accurate.

Boo, not the males don't have it easier thing again. There's another thread already on that subject. My Aspie friend is shy and I think that is endearing.

Well, she was basically saying that girls have it easier, no?

My advice, and it sounds like you are already on the right path, is get to know yourself really well, including what you want in a partner. The better I got at understanding who I really was and who I wanted to be with, the easier it became to identify the right people for me. And the right person for me is someone I can be direct with, otherwise I'd struggle with those problems of "do they like me or are they just being nice?" etc. I mean, I still struggle with that in "real world" dating, but I found that online dating takes some of the guesswork away. If someone sends you a message, they are probably interested so far. If someone replies to your message, they are probably interested so far. After a date, if it goes well, I make my feelings known by saying I had a great time and would love to catch up again if they are interested. By being blunt about it, I get the information I need. If I play the NT games, it just doesn't work.

So in summary: Know yourself. Be yourself. Be direct*. Attract others who like your type of personality and appreciate your approach.

*I'm making a huge assumption from what you said in your post that being direct would be your preference. My advice is probably useless if that's not the case!

From your avatar pic, you look cute, so you shouldn't have a problem finding a guy that is interested. The problem is finding the right guy that is interested.

Just be yourself...the right one will come along and fall in love with your quirkyness.

Will every guy going to flirt her avatar pic?

Do you look like your avatar, Boo?

Yes, why? Wanna flirt me?

Yup, preferably a brick wall.

but I am attracted to shy loner guys..

But they're creepy. A bully needs to teach you not to like them, by giving them a beating if they come anywhere near you. He'll be chivalrously defending you from the creepy loner, who'll end up so humiliated you won't be able to fancy anyone like him anymore.