Don't want to blow things off too soon with girlfriend

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K_Kelly
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11 Aug 2015, 8:22 pm

I don't know what my heart is saying. I did say yes to her when she first asked me out, but 3 months later I don't feel like I am as attracted to her as I want to be. I want to be able to date a lot of people through my life, but she tells me she wants to be with me forever. I know I'm supposed to give her a chance since it's my first real relationship. She's also been through some heartbreak herself. I'm losing my patience and I messed up by telling her I want to be with her forever. She suffers anxiety too. She's just not attracting me enough.



Catlover5
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11 Aug 2015, 8:30 pm

Relationships are tough, I understand. Sometimes it's hard to decide whether to stay or go. But if you don't love her in that way anymore and can't love her again, you need to break up with her, it's no good being in a relationship in which both people don't love each other. I hope everything will be okay, whatever your decision. Hugs, K_Kelly Image



K_Kelly
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11 Aug 2015, 8:50 pm

The thing is, what after that? Am I going to have to build up my social energy I already used to find another partner?



Peacesells
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11 Aug 2015, 8:55 pm

Please for your next relationship make it clear from the start that it is not a serious thing for you and you want to date many people in your life. Otherwise you will only go around hurting women who have feelings for you. I understand that it is easier to get a woman if she thinks that you really love her, but you will hurt her badly that way.
About the gf don't know, maybe tell her that it was fun but you grew bored and wanna see other people.

Btw this story could be interesting for The_Face_of_Boo concerning the thread he recently revived.



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11 Aug 2015, 9:06 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
The thing is, what after that? Am I going to have to build up my social energy I already used to find another partner?

I think the best thing to do is to wait for a while after you break with her (if you do, that is) before you look to date people, give yourself time. Also I second Peacesells' advice.

I've never been in any serious relationships so I can only offer my best advice from what I would imagine would be the best thing to do. If my advice is helpful, that would be great. Good luck! :)



MaxE
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11 Aug 2015, 9:28 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
I don't know what my heart is saying. I did say yes to her when she first asked me out, but 3 months later I don't feel like I am as attracted to her as I want to be. I want to be able to date a lot of people through my life, but she tells me she wants to be with me forever. I know I'm supposed to give her a chance since it's my first real relationship. She's also been through some heartbreak herself. I'm losing my patience and I messed up by telling her I want to be with her forever. She suffers anxiety too. She's just not attracting me enough.
If you haven't broken up with her yet, I suggest you stay with her for the time being. Even though I know nothing about you and her, I have ended relationships or allowed them to die only to realize later on that I might have been able to make them work. Breaking up is something you can always do, but trying to get back together with a girl after dumping her is not so easy. If you break up, you are bound to regret it at some point even if it turns out to be the right decision.

Once you are with someone, you quickly forget what it was like to be alone. But once single, you'll soon remember.

Also once the initial thrill of being in a relationship wears off, your life with her might start to seem routine but that doesn't mean you're better off alone.

It might help if you told us more about the relationship e.g. how often do you see each other, respective ages, what sorts of things do you do together. Are you comfortable just being in each others' company or must there always be some sort of fun activity to maintain interest?

Also don't overreact to her saying she wants to be with you forever. Young women often say that, it doesn't mean she won't be the first one to dump you when she changes her mind. Forever is too long to think about at your age, just try to enjoy the moment.


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CupidAardvark
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11 Aug 2015, 9:59 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
I don't know what my heart is saying. I did say yes to her when she first asked me out, but 3 months later I don't feel like I am as attracted to her as I want to be. I want to be able to date a lot of people through my life, but she tells me she wants to be with me forever. I know I'm supposed to give her a chance since it's my first real relationship. She's also been through some heartbreak herself. I'm losing my patience and I messed up by telling her I want to be with her forever. She suffers anxiety too. She's just not attracting me enough.


If you're not attracted to her and don't want to with her, break up with her for HER sake. She deserves somebody who loves her and wants to be with her forever... and you ain't it.



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12 Aug 2015, 12:53 am

Peacesells wrote:
Please for your next relationship make it clear from the start that it is not a serious thing for you and you want to date many people in your life. Otherwise you will only go around hurting women who have feelings for you. I understand that it is easier to get a woman if she thinks that you really love her, but you will hurt her badly that way.
About the gf don't know, maybe tell her that it was fun but you grew bored and wanna see other people.

Btw this story could be interesting for The_Face_of_Boo concerning the thread he recently revived.


I'm with this advice. I had my first bf do this to me - he wanted to date other people and I didn't wait around. If you decide to break it off, make sure it's what you want to do because this girl may not take you back if you think you made a boo boo.


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mahendar
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12 Aug 2015, 2:27 am

If you are not happy in your relationship with her just tell her what you are feeling.it is impossible to continue any relationship for long time with out being happy in it.



MaxE
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12 Aug 2015, 5:11 am

nurseangela wrote:
...If you decide to break it off, make sure it's what you want to do because this girl may not take you back if you think you made a boo boo.
+1


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MaxE
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12 Aug 2015, 6:42 am

@OP I should add your first serious relationship is usually an emotional rollercoaster. That is probably what you are experiencing.


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12 Aug 2015, 1:46 pm

mahendar wrote:
If you are not happy in your relationship with her just tell her what you are feeling.it is impossible to continue any relationship for long time with out being happy in it.


I agree. What you should also do is be honest and truthful with her without hurting her feelings.


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12 Aug 2015, 2:35 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
mahendar wrote:
If you are not happy in your relationship with her just tell her what you are feeling.it is impossible to continue any relationship for long time with out being happy in it.


I agree. What you should also do is be honest and truthful with her without hurting her feelings.

I am not sure how you think he could do it without hurting her feelings. It's quite impossible. The best way is to be honest and tell her the truth, that he just grew bored of their relationship and he wants to date other people.



MaxE
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12 Aug 2015, 8:11 pm

It seems every time somebody posts on L+D that he's thinking of leaving his GF a whole Greek Chorus assembles to egg him on. It's like the crowd standing on the street yelling "jump!" at the guy standing outside the 10th-floor window.

I think most of them want to see that person return to a life alone insofar as misery loves company, plus there may be a few that sincerely believe that men with AS should not be in serious relationships due to lack of "emotional maturity".


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13 Aug 2015, 4:56 pm

Peacesells wrote:
AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
mahendar wrote:
If you are not happy in your relationship with her just tell her what you are feeling.it is impossible to continue any relationship for long time with out being happy in it.


I agree. What you should also do is be honest and truthful with her without hurting her feelings.

I am not sure how you think he could do it without hurting her feelings. It's quite impossible. The best way is to be honest and tell her the truth, that he just grew bored of their relationship and he wants to date other people.


True, but honesty does have both positive and negative outcomes.


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Peacesells
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13 Aug 2015, 5:25 pm

MaxE wrote:
It seems every time somebody posts on L+D that he's thinking of leaving his GF a whole Greek Chorus assembles to egg him on. It's like the crowd standing on the street yelling "jump!" at the guy standing outside the 10th-floor window.

I think most of them want to see that person return to a life alone insofar as misery loves company, plus there may be a few that sincerely believe that men with AS should not be in serious relationships due to lack of "emotional maturity".

I think you are overdoing it. People gave the guy advices. I am not sure if you are referring to me too, but I think my advice is good because he said he wants to date a lot of people and so he doesn't want anything too serious. Which is not bad, as long it is made clear from the start.
AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
True, but honesty does have both positive and negative outcomes.

True, but in this case I am not sure if it can have positive outcomes on her at all. I just think that maybe I would prefer my gf being honest.