Would touch flirting make you uncomfortable?

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I'm trying to gauge the reaction of the guy I like before coming out and telling him I like him. He has aspergers though and he doesn't seem to understand flirting. So I'm trying to be as obvious as I can; by touch flirting.

He has expressed discomfort at being touched before, but always goes out of his way to touch me. I try to do things like ask for a hug, instead of just doing it, because I think it would take him by surprise. Or waiting for him to lean against/touch me before I touch him.

He acts uncomfortable when I hug him so I asked if I should stop and he said no. Once when I hadn't done it in awhile, he tried to initiate a hug.

Is this appropriate? Would it bother you if a friend flirted with you this way?

i am also very sensitive to touch, and uninitiated touch hurts like hell, especially if done in a 'flirting' way (very light brushing).

I love touching abd being touched by those i trust and like, but not always. consider the comparison with a cat: they'll tell you when they want to be touched, and like it at that time, but hate it and lash out if you initiate...

If he dislikes being touched, yet touches you as much as he can: that is a clear indication of interest; about as obvious as it gets, so i'd say you already have the go-ahead.

I have problems with touch but when it's a guy I like it's different. As long as he doesn't take me by surprise, like come up behind me. I hate hugs but I like cuddling. Personally, when people ask for a hug it makes me more uncomfortable than if they just do it, as long as I see it coming.
If he doesn't understand flirting though, chances are he might not get you're touching him in a flirty way as opposed to friendly touching. If you really want him to understand... you should just tell him. Aspies like honesty more than the average person anyway.

If you were a guy, katy would tell you this is an attempt of sexual harassment and that you have entitlement issues toward your friend.

But you are a girl, so you are safe from her fangs.

I think this might differ from person to person, but I consider hugs, cuddling, and all kinds of body contact (except handshakes) an act of flirting or being intimate with someone. I've learned that people don't always think about this topic the way I do, and some of them hug others out of being very close friends, but it is still very unusual to me. I tend not to initiate such things, because I know how uncomfortable I feel when they do it, and I don't want to make them (and myself) uncomfortable. And as I've mentioned, hugging for me is an act of intimacy I don't have with someone who's just a friend. It's different with my girlfriend, but I have very limited experience in that topic.

Last edited by AusWolf on 02 Sep 2015, 1:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I like being touched, but often do not react to it as people expect, which they might mistake for not being interested. Same thing with conversations, I don't often respond appropriately or timely. But, different people seem to have different expectations too.

Touching out of the blue can really get me tense, I know, so maybe you should let him initiate the hugs, etc.

I don't have too many issues with touching. In fact, I'm very tactile and physical. That being said, touching is very much tied to the emotional bond and comfort level I have with the person. An attempt at touching by a stranger or someone whom I dislike would recieve a swift and possibly painful reprimand. However, someone I liked and was comfortable with would not find themselves unwelcomed.

Do take this into account however; the degree to which touching and intimacy are connected vary between persons. I've been in a situation where I took a girl touching/fondling me as license to touch her back (and show my welcoming her advances by escalating a bit), whereupon I apparently crossed a line and the whole thing kind of imploded uncomfortably.

That being said: him going out of his way to touch you, I can't interpret any other way than that he likes you. Touching him back would signal the same back, in my world.

I can't figure out his reaction. Once, he said it was weird and wanted to know why I kept doing it. I asked if he wanted me to stop, and he said no, but I did anyway. Then one night, he tried to hug me, but I wasn't expecting it and backed off, and he tried to play it off like he was just stretching or something. So recently I hugged him again, and again he said it was weird. Again I asked if I should stop, and he thought about it for a second, and said no, he just thought it was strange because none of his other friends hugged him.

Also, I know he doesn't like hugging his family, but when I ask for a hug he doesn't hesitate at all.

I've noticed his family always asks befit hugging him though, and the couple of times I tried hugging him without warning, did not go well...

I went to a convention this year, where I decided to practice.
People give free hugs there if you didn't know. Like this:

Hugged like 100 different people. Read a howto article before I went, so I knew what moves to do, how to initiate a hug, etc...
I feel much better about hugging now, because I'm more experienced with it.
It's enjoyable but for some reason I still tend to avoid it.

Just a warning if you want to try this yourself, some people will crush you with their hugs, literally.

^lol yeah, the free hugs campaign got really popular a few years back. I remember seeing several people with the posters during finals week, and I figured "free hugs, why not?".

It would be very uncomfortable & my startle.

Because I don't know if I would be able to handle touch flirting.

Yes, very uncomfortable. I only like hugs from girls I'm in a relationship with, so doing it for flirting will send the wrong signals that we are already in a relationship. I never hug friends, rather I'll leave when I know this might happen.

No more than anything else that can make me anxious, I'm fine with it as long as I have some hint of what to expect. As weird as I can be I rarely choose to completly isolate myself.