Crazy exes

Post Reply New Topic

Why is it so common for people to talk about crazy exes? Are people just exaggerating? I bet I'll be a crazy ex.

I don't think it's an exaggeration.

There are some people who don't take breakups well. I knew one myself.

She was pretty cuckoo (in a bad sense).

Most people, however, are pretty reasonable.

I believe my ex had HPD...not exactly crazy, but not totally normal either. I think people use "crazy" as a blanket term to describe someone that does anything out of the norm, or something that they wouldn't do themselves. It doesn't always refer to someone being clinically insane.

Also, just because someone is deemed normal by most people, doesn't mean they can't have "crazy" moments. Sometimes, people will push your buttons, and drive you bat pooh nuts in certain situations. Certain people have a way of doing this to other people.

My ex was manic-depressive and an alcoholic. She kept me from finding out for over a decade; although, having been raised by a narcissistic alcoholic, I thought her behavior was 'normal'.

She once threw a vase against my head, shattering they vase. As I staggered out to the car, she shouted "How dare you! That was my favorite! Now come back here and love me!" I took twenty stitches, and told the doc that the vase had fallen from a high shelf.

The next day, she demanded to know who hit me, and where her favorite vase had gone. I told her. She called me a liar. That started another argument.

That's when I realized that there was something seriously wrong with her. Over the following week, I found three containers of Mellaril (Thioridazine) prescribed by three separate physicians. I also found several bottles of liquor hidden around the house.

Yeah ... I have a little experience with the concept of a "Crazy Ex".

I thought it was mostly exaggeration, as I don't have any crazy exes myself, until I experienced one that my partner had. I think non-mutual break-ups can make people crazier than they normally are.

my ex was certainly unstable. he occasional tracks me down to try to get back together with me telling me how much more mature he is, then acts the exact same way that made me break up with him the first time.

he doesn't know what he wants.

Very often when people describe crazy exes, they're really just ranting. But as you can see from some posters here it's no joke.

I was involved with someone for a few years. It started out GREAT. But over time it became obvious she wasn't the kind of person who could easily forgive my mistakes/let go or admit her own. Eventually I reached a point I couldn't take the verbal abuse and manipulation anymore. I felt at the time I needed to be with her because nobody else would want me, which was crazy in and of itself. But it got to the point I was so miserable around her I had to leave, and being alone for the rest of my life had better prospects than being with her.

I took a little time off before I started dating, and I kept a low profile once I did. So in the fall my new gf came up to visit me at college. Next thing I know my ex is following me around in her car, and she's completely falling apart. Another time I was walking with my gf on campus when my ex tries to pick a fight with me. She ends up screaming at me--not a surprise to me, just a well-worn page from the old playbook. I'm just walking away and she screams "I WAS PREGNANT!! !" My gf is like, "What is she talking about?" I shrug. I genuinely have no idea…lol…there's no way my ex could have gotten pregnant.

Time passes, we break up, and my ex is hot on my tail again. Some things happen, but I make it very clear I'm not interested in a relationship with her. She says, "ok." And then proceeds to tell all my friends we're getting back together.

I start dating again. She starts following me around again. My new gf has a crazy ex of her own--crazy to the point he's threatening to kill me, AND he's following us around in his car. He and my ex should have gotten together… We were eventually forced to call the cops on him, and after one final incident I had to threaten her with the same. I told her "Do not call me, do not follow me, and if you see me on campus, don't even look at me or speak to me." We're on speaking terms NOW, but I think we've spoken MAYBE three times in 10 years. Some things are just for the best.

Sure, you have a lot of people saying junk like, "Oh yeah…my ex was insane. I remember this one time I smiled at a waitress and she wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night. She'd get so jealous…" Or maybe you'd have an argument every now and then when you thought she was being unreasonable. Sure some people exaggerate. But ongoing verbal abuse, stalking, and actually PHYSICAL violence? It's no joke, folks.

Praying mantises don't have that problem.

Good Lord! This thread makes me want to stay single and come home to Waldo every night.

I am definitely not exaggerating. Sometimes I wonder if I am like am I creating memories or am I lying to myself but I talked to one of my online friends and I asked her if she remembers the time I was with my ex and she said yes and I asked what does she remember about her and she told me I said he was very controlling and weird. Okay i don't remember my ex being very controlling. I just remember I felt like he was controlling. I talked to my mom and my ex got brought up in our topic and my mom mentioned that I called her one night on my phone and I was in the car crying and then I hung up saying I had to go because he was coming and he will get mad at me for talking to them. Also my mom told me she can remember him arguing with me in the background when we would talk. That all sounded bad and I didn't even remember that one night or us arguing in the background while on the phone. But this meant I am not exaggerating and I hate that word because it's so dismissive. It helps to ask friends and family about your ex's so you know you are not exaggerating and making stuff up.

I just realized that my ex had a type of narcissism called convert narcissism. It all makes sense now. I no longer identify him as aspie just because he said he had it. Narcissism sounds more accurate and convert narcissism and Asperger's have traits that overlap so his "aspie traits" may have been his narcissism traits and no wonder his were toxic. That is why I do believe those women on AS Partners and I do not doubt they are in abusive relationship and the only thing that bothers me about them is blaming it on autism and acting like we are all out to get people and rob them of their emotions and feelings and bring down their low self esteem and they don't want to hear that their ex was a narcissist and that was narcissism, not autism. You would think they would be relieved but wrong. I can now understand why some members here have said those women's ex's on As partners were no aspie, they were narcissists.

I am also not exaggerating about the first relationship either even though he wasn't an abuser.

I wasn't exaggerating, either. I still have the scars to remind me that it happened.

Something else that I've noticed is that it seems that if a person does not have a crazy ex, then there is a roughly 50% chance that the person is the crazy ex!

I could be wrong, because I have no hard data to back it up; but there are 4 states to this claim ...

Person A is rational / Person B is rational (both are sane)
Person A is rational / Person B is irrational
Person A is irrational / Person B is rational
Person A is irrational / Person B is irrational (both are crazy)

... Just pick A or B as yourself and figure out the odds.

People have to move on from bad experiences.

People can't keep themselves stuck because of them.

I think break ups can happen due to incompatibility but that doesn't mean one of them is crazy just because the other one isn't a crazy person. I think both people can be mentally healthy and things don't work out due to different interests, different tastes in things, different political views, different preferences for kissing or sex, but that wouldn't make one of them crazy after the break up.

Besides people can make up stories about their ex's claiming how abusive they were, etc. Some narcissists do that. I read the only way to handle it when they do that campaign against you is to cut off all contact with them, ignore it, do not respond to it or else it will make it look true what they are saying about you and it will feed into their supply.